Note to all Researchers:
Please include your name on all records, along with date and total number of items "refined".
Researchers are responsible for all "Output". Should damage or loss of life occur, the researcher will be subject to administrative review and possible disciplinary action.
Biological testing has been suspended. Any biological testing must be cleared by O5 Command.
Name: Dr. █████ with Dr. ███████ assisting.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 1x 900-pound steel girder cut into five equal sections. One section will be inserted on each setting.
Input: 1x one hundred eighty (180) pound steel girder section.
Setting: Rough
Output: One hundred eighty (180) pound sculpture made from laser-cut & heat-welded steel girders.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Stack of domestic steel interior structure girders weighting one hundred eighty (180) pounds.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x one hundred eighty (180) pound stainless steel girder section.
Setting: Fine
Output: Iron filings weighing one hundred eighty (180) pounds.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Cloud of gas, fifty-seven percent (57%) normal Earth atmosphere, forty-three percent (43%) iron gas.
Name: Dr. █████ with Dr. ███████ assisting.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x One (1) pound jars of crunchy peanut butter. One jar will be inserted on each setting.
Input: 1x One (1) pound jar of crunchy peanut butter.
Setting: Rough
Output: One (1) pound raw unroasted peanuts in a plastic screw-top container.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 85x Peanut butter flavored crackers packaged in a plastic tube.
Setting: 1:1
Input: 1x One (1) pound jar of crunchy peanut butter of another brand.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x One (1) pound jar of creamy peanut butter.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x One (1) pound artificial peanut-free peanut butter-flavored food additive.
Name: Dr.Gears and Dr. █████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 2x laptop computers
Input: 1x laptop computer (Dell Latitude D630) belonging to Dr. █████
Setting: Coarse
Output: Small pile of computer parts. When re-assembled, created a Dell 630 laptop
Input: 1x laptop computer (Dell Latitude D630) belonging to Dr.Gears
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. It also appears to be partially biological in nature, though no intelligent behavior has been observed. Item is not to be connected to a outside power or network source until testing has been completed. New laptop issued to Dr.Gears.
Name: Dr. ████ with Dr. ███████ assisting
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 3x "mushroom" shape 60 watt incandescent light bulbs. 1x bulb will be inserted on each setting
Input: 1x bulb
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x 60 watt incandescent light bulb, "bullet" shape
Input: 1x bulb
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Fluorescent light bulb
Input: 1x bulb
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x light bulb, looking identical to the first: when screwed into the socket and switched on it provided light 10 times brighter than the original bulb. Analysis of the inside of the bulb found it filled with gases of unknown composition.
Name: Agent █████████ with Dr. █████ assisting
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: Components for a 19th century typewriter; helium balloon
Input: Individual components for a 19th century typewriter
Setting: Fine
Output: Metals from input materials, separated out into rectilinear blocks of varying sizes and densities, and an inkwell
Input: Metal blocks
Setting: Fine
Output: Metal blocks of assorted simple shapes, including stars, circles, hearts, pyramids, and, in one case, ███████
Input: Shaped metal blocks
Setting: Coarse
Output: Undifferentiated dross composed of iron and other elements from the input materials
Input: Undifferentiated metallic dross
Setting: Rough
Output: Unidentified rock with metallic elements present
Input: Helium balloon, blue
Setting: 1:1
Output: Helium balloon, red
Input: Helium balloon, red
Setting: Fine
Output: Long, thin helium balloon twisted into a biological shape resembling SCP-682
Note: Experiments have shown that the balloon demonstrates a high resilience to attempts to puncture or pop it, but fortunately lacks the nihilistic vitriol against existence possessed by the original SCP and is, in fact, inanimate.
Input: Balloon animal
Setting: Coarse
Output: Frozen latex glove containing liquid helium
Input: Glove of liquid helium with metallic rock
Setting: 1:1
Output: Stone vial of liquid latex with helium gas
Input: Stone vial of liquid latex with helium gas
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Miniature airship (suspended at 1.64 meters when released, but immobile)
Input: Miniature airship
Setting: Rough
Output: Helium balloon, green
Note from Dr. █████: There seems to be some difficulty as to the meaning of "fine" and "coarse" on the settings; the machine appears to be capable of refining input based either on a scale of complexity (loss of entropy accompanied by increase in connectivity between components and/or acquisition of subjective meaning) or of simplification (separation into composite materials and loss of meaning).
Name: Dr.Gears
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 4x clockwork pocket watch, belonging to Dr.Gears
Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small clockwork bird. When the tail is pressed, it produces a robin's call.
Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Toy clockwork train engine.
Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Miniature grandfather clock, fully functional.
Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small metal sculpture of a piano.
Notes from Dr.Gears: it appears there is a high level of randomness when SCP-914 "refines" a item. However, it seems to preserve some element of its original composition, in this example, clockworks. This is not a law, but a high probability. Refine a metal bar, and you're more likely to get a simple metal object than a internal combustion engine. Both, however, are possible.
Name: Dr. Iceberg
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 3x Playboy magazines, 2x concussion grenades,
Input: 1 Playboy
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of papers and three staples. Review shows them to be all the original pages, but with the staples removed, and each picture separated from the one on the opposite side.
Input: 1 Playboy
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Playboy issue from a different month. Later examination proved it to be exactly the same as the issue it had become.
Input: 1 Playboy
Setting: Very fine
Output: One life-size fold out of a female, which near all males who have seen it have called "incredibly sexy." Possible use as a morale booster to be considered after further psychological testing is complete.
Input: 2x concussion grenades
Setting: Very fine
Output: A large white aerodynamic sphere, approximately 99.9% the size and 99.99999% the mass of the original two grenades. A twin circle pin is attached to the top. Has been nicknamed "the Holy Hand Grenade" by Iceberg, and is currently in his possession for research.
Note: Recommend removing this object from Dr. Iceberg, and passing it on to a more experienced researcher. Perhaps Dr Clef, or Gears. Not Kain.
Name: Dr. Bright
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5 20.3cm Little Pearl Vibrators
Input:1 Little Pearl Vibrator
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 Little Pearl Vibrator, bisected down the long axis by what appears to be a very sharp cutting tool. Provide a perfect cross-section of the item.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 2 D-cell batteries, pile of plastic pellets
Setting: 1:1
Output:1 fist shaped plastic vibrator
Setting: Fine
Output:1 much more complex vibrator, including reservoir tip applicator filled with unknown lubricant, multiple turning rings, and studs that pop out when the handle is twisted.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 small black box, bearing a red button. When the button is pressed, everyone in line of sight of the object except the holder experiences an overpowering orgasm.
Note: The Very Fine has been confiscated by Oversight, due to potential for misuse.
Note: Dr. Bright has been forcibly removed from any further experimentation involving SCP-914, and all output objects have been destroyed. This is just getting silly. -Dr. Kondraki
Name: Dr. Zemyla Cenh
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: 3x identical wooden cross pendants, 7.6cm (3in) long
Input: 1x cross
Setting: Rough
Total items: 1x fragment of wood of the same mass, cut flat on 3 sides. This may be a fragment of a larger cross.
Input: 1x cross
Setting: 1:1
Total items: A wooden rosary, held together not with string, but by wooden links between the beads.
Input: 1x cross
Setting: Very fine
Total items: 1 wooden cross with a soft pearlescent radiance. This cross soothes the holder and may be effective against ███████-type SCPs.
Notes from Dr. Cenh: This may imply that SCP-914 has an understanding of religion. More experiments with religious items are indicated.
Name:Dr. V███ Palmer
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: 80 doses of MDMA (150 mg dosage), 80 doses of gelatin LSD, high potency solution (150 ug dosage), and 40 doses of Sildenafil [trademark, "Viagra"] (50 mg dosage).
Input: 20 doses MDMA, 20 doses of LSD,
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of powder weighing approximately 165 mg. Chemical composition identical to input.
Input: 20 doses MDMA, 20 doses of LSD
Setting: 1:1
Output: Twenty (20) 160 mg gel capsules, yellow-green in color. One (1) capsule administered to male D-class test subject, resulting in subject experiencing effects of intense euphoria, marked improvement in mood, and some psychedelic visuals after a period of 25 minutes. Effects lasted for 10 hours, after which subject experienced a "crash" with symptoms of a bad hangover and severe depression lasting for a two week period. More tests pending, but effect seems to be a combination of both drugs with a more severe "crash" period than unrefined MDMA.
Input: 20 doses MDMA, 20 doses of LSD, and 20 doses "Viagra"
Setting: Fine
Output: One hundred (100) 16.5 µg gel capsules, opalescent yellow in color. One (1) capsule administered to female D-class test subject, resulting in intense euphoria, a feeling of "serenity", and had a strong desire to be in close physical contact with others, with onset occur after a period of 5 minutes. Subject remained in this state for a period of 78 hours, after which subject entered a catatonic state lasting a period of nearly four weeks. Subject showed extreme hostility after awakening and appeared to be in intense pain. Subject was terminated then autopsied, revealing that pleasure centers in her brain were severely damaged and testosterone levels were increased. More tests pending.
Input: 20 doses MDMA, 20 doses of LSD, and 20 doses "Viagra"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One hundred (100) 17µg gel capsules, golden and luminescent. One (1) capsule administered to male D-class test subject, with effects identical to "Fine" output appearing after 30 seconds. Subject was very docile and, while coherent, would not answer questions. After 15 minutes, subject entered a catatonic state for a period of 74 hours during which time subject was observed to have seizures resulting in ejaculation. Upon awakening, subject displayed a marked deadening of emotion, showed no interest in pleasurable activities, and was unable to be sexually aroused. When interviewed, subject stated he "just didn't care anymore". Subject terminated and autopsied, show severe damage specific to emotional centers of the brain. More tests pending.
Note: While there may be possible therapeutic benefits to the "Fine" and "Very Fine" outputs, I suggest that more tests be run on subjects of both genders. The output results are to be kept in my office safe unless being tested. -Dr. Palmer
Wait, how does that even work? Viagra is a vasodilator, not an aphrodisiac.
~Dr. Trebuchet
This test may indicate that SCP-914 understands the use of input objects and not simply their function. Recommend testing with medicines reliant on the placebo effect to ascertain if outputs provide actual medicinal solutions to problems. -Dr. Pyrrhus
Input: 1 brown paper bag
Setting: Rough
Output: Small heap of ashes and several scraps of brown paper
Input: 1 brown paper bag
Setting: Coarse
Output: 25 small squares of brown paper.
Input: 1 brown paper bag
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 white paper bag. Texture smoother than the original bag.
Input: 1 brown paper bag
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 very small wooden crate. Wood identified as pine.
Input: 1 brown paper bag
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. It appears to be slightly larger inside than outside.
Name: Dr. P██████ Gibbons
Date: [DATA EXPUNGED]
Total items: 5x regular cubes of Telekill Alloy SCP-148, with a volume of 0.4 cubic meters, making a total of 2 (Two) cubic meters.
Input: 1x cube of Telekill Alloy for each setting.
Setting: Rough
Output: 25x regular cubes of Telekill Alloy, each with a volume of 0.016 cubic meters
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1x cube of unknown dark-blue metal, with a volume of 0.2 cubic meters. The fact that it's two times smaller to the original input cube suggests that the density of the material is two times greater than the Telekill Alloy. With an original melting point of 700ºC, and an evaporation point of 1400ºC, it has been noticed that, if temperature of the metal reaches below 0ºC, the color of the metal changes to a lighter blue and physical properties change. This metal has an unknown melting point, as focused, concentrated heat of over 20000ºC has not melted it. Catalogation for SCP has been raised to 05-7 personnel and denied.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x cube of unknown light-red metal, with a volume of 1.2 cubic meters. Size is three times that of the original input, suggesting that the input Telekill Alloy is three times more dense than the output. Metal has a melting point of 700ºC and an evaporation point of 1400ºC, matching with the 'Coarse' output, although does not show the same physical properties change when reaching 0ºC, like the previous output. Metal, when touched by a sentient human being, inhibits all senses for a period of 30 (thirty) minutes after the first time is touched (that is, if the object is held for 5 seconds, the period of inhibition will last 30 minutes and 5 seconds). Witnesses have later described it as a "VERY unpleasant experience," and also manifested sensations of "wild hallucinations," similar to a near-overdose of Lysergic Acid. —SCP catalogation has been denied.
The 30 scariest minutes of my fucking life. Note to self: Use the damn gloves. Second note to self: Ask Clef if he wants bracelets of this for his birthday. -Dr. Gibbons
Setting: Fine
Output: Sculpture resembling SCP-682 made out of Telekill Alloy, with a volume 0.4 cubic meters. Output has not shown any kind of sentient manifestations, although any contact or approach near SCP-682 is denied until further notice.
Now, I would like this for my desktop, if you don't mind. -Dr. Gibbons
Test 11828-U5: Tests on the nature and construction of SCP-914
With approval from 05 Command, A single gear was removed from one of the "outer" sections of SCP-914. Placement was carefully documented, and was in a location that would not release tension on any belts, or damage any documented sections. Testing area was cleared and sealed after placing a steel block in the "intake" booth. D-00104 was dispatched to SCP-914, and instructed to turn the key and activate SCP-914.
D-00104 reported that "the key won't catch", and it was observed the key turned several times without tightening the mainspring. No activity of any kind was observed from SCP-914 during this time.
Missing gear was replaced with a identical copy, comprised of the same metal (brass) as the original. Steel block re-inserted into the "intake" booth, and SCP-914 was activated on the "1:1" setting. SCP-914 observed to operate normally, with a slight pause of 3.5 seconds after winding the key. After "refining", Output observed to be a solid steel sphere with the same volume as the original steel block. Original gear returned to SCP-914.
Notes: Well, thank god we can at least repair the damn thing if we damage it…assuming we can find what's broken in it. Hell, maybe it's already broken, i don't know…this damn thing hurts my head…
Dr. ██████████
Name: Dr. ██████
Date:██/██/████
Total items: Five (5) boxes of brand ████ cigarettes.
Input: One (1) box of brand ████ cigarettes.
Setting: Rough
Output: Small pile of ash. Ash determined to be from both the cigarette box, and the cigarettes themselves.
Input: One (1) box of brand ████ cigarettes.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Tobacco leaf, small wooden chip (presumably from the paper and filter), different components.
Input: One (1) box of brand ████ cigarettes.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One box of ███████ brand cigarettes, now menthol flavored. ███████ does not come in menthol.
Input: One (1) box of brand ████ cigarettes.
Setting: Fine
Output: One box containing five (5) cigarettes. Agent ██████ remarked to be "the best damn fags" he has ever smoked.
Input: One (1) box of brand ████ cigarettes.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] Agent ██████ remains unconscious. Dr. ██████ under treatment of [DATA EXPUNGED] poisoning.
Note: I suggest no further experimentation with narcotic substances on human subjects until the 'Fine' and 'Very Fine' settings of SCP-914 are better understood.
- Dr. Bar
Name: Dr. Gears
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Three (3) copies of all documentation, photographs, and test logs accumulated in relation to SCP-914.
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: 1:1
Output: Folder containing all previously entered documents, arranged in chronological order.
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Fine
Output: Hard-bound book containing 400 pages. No diagrams, photos, or other visual aids of any kind are included. The pages appear to be solid black, but microscopic examination shows each page to be covered in approximately twenty thousand characters. The text has no correlation with any known writing style, and is not in a linear format, with "sentences" constructed from individual characters spread out between many pages. Each sentence requires a exceedingly complex formula to decode, with each formula unique to each sentence. (Note: Current decoding work has resulted in two partially translated sentences after 225 work-hours. Item appears to be a record of the internal structure of SCP-914)
Input: One (1) Copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Single sheet of paper. Weight is exactly the same as the entered documentation. The sheet appears to be be a single page from the entered SCP-914 documentation, however when flipped over to the right, the reverse side is the following page in sequence. When flipped over to the left, the opposite side is the preceding page in sequence. No new documentation is included, however this item is significantly easier to store, if more time-consuming to browse.
(Memo from General ████████: It's screwing with us, you know that right? I don't CARE if it's been proven that it has no self-awareness, this thing is LAUGHING at us!)
Name: Dr. Grangan
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Five (5) adult male cadavers
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of human remains. Limbs, organs and bones all appear to have been roughly separated via tearing action and high heat. Output describe as "unsettling".
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pile of human remains. All organs and bones have been removed by some form of cutting tool. The skin, nervous system, digestive system, and circulatory system all appear to have been removed without severing or damaging any of tissues involved. Results frozen for study.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Asian male cadaver. Original cadaver was identified as Caucasian.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Fine
Output: One cadaver containing SCP-008. Subject immediately incinerated.
Input: One (1) cadaver
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Green slime. Properties and chemical structure determined to be identical to SCP-447-2.
Note: By order of O5-█ cadavers may no longer be tested in SCP-914 in order to minimize the possibility of SCP-447-2 coming in contact with dead bodies.
Name: Dr. Gibbons
Date:██/██/████
Total number of objects: Five Hundred U.S. Dollars. One hundred U.S Dollars will be used for each setting.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Rough
Output: Small pile of ash and torn paper.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Coarse
Output: A puddle of ink and a small pile of cotton and plastic weighing roughly as much as the original currency.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: 1:1
Output: Seventy five Euros.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Fine
Output: A shareholder's note for "Soap from Corpses Products", worth one hundred U.S. Dollars. Whether 914 selected a foundation's front out of pure whimsy or is somehow based on a criteria, is unknown.
Update: As in ██/██/████, Soap for Corpses Products' shares skyrocketed, and the aforementioned 'Fine' output is now worth $████ (USD). It is under investigation if 914 'selected' Soap from Corpses Products because it 'knew' was going to rally, or if it was a matter of pure luck.
Input: One hundred U.S. Dollars
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A diamond. It appears that it was formed from the money's Carbon atoms. Worth of the diamond is $██████,██ as in ██/██/████.
Note: Although no abnormal characteristics are found in the output, it will be kept in O5-█'s office until further notice.
Name: Agent T███, overseen by Dr. ██████
Date: ██/███/20██
Total numbers of objects: 3
Input: 1 gram 232Th, on a leaded glass stand in a sealed leaded glass cube 10cm x 10cm x 10cm, filled with deuterium oxide.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A leaded glass sculpture of an Oriental dragon, with a hollow interior holding a thread of thorium along its center length and filled with deuterium oxide. Dr. █████ claimed it for an office decoration.
Name: Dr. █████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x Bronze replicas of the Pioneer 10 and 11 plaques.
Input: 1 plaque on each setting
Setting: Rough
Output: Multiple bronze cubes, and two bronze spheres.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 105 grams of copper ore and 15 grams of tin ore.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Several CDs. Tests reveal them to contain the same data as the Voyager Golden Record.
Setting: Fine
Output: A bronze gyroscope, 15 cm tall. A needle in the center continuously points in one direction; testing has confirmed that no matter the position of the gyroscope, this needle points towards Overwatch HQ.
Name: Dr. Stevenson
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Seven (7) packs Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum, each containing fifteen (15) sticks
Input: 1x pack Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum
Setting: Rough
Output: Empty, opened packaging and fifteen (15) sticks of chewed gum, confirmed to be identical to input brand and flavor. No saliva detected on gum.
Input: 1x pack Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum
Setting: Coarse
Output: Packaging containing the separated ingredients of its original contents.
Input: 2x pack Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x pack Wrigley's Doublemint chewing gum, containing fifteen (15) sticks.
Input: 1x pack Wrigley's Doublemint chewing gum, 3x Wrigley's Spearmint chewing gum
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x pack Wrigley's "5" chewing gum, in "rain" (spearmint) flavor. Contains fifteen (15) sticks.
Input: 1x pack Wrigley's "5" chewing gum
Setting: fine
Output: 5x stick unknown spearmint-flavored chewing gum. Flavor determined to be spearmint, but does not appear diminish over time, as with most gums. Dr. Stevenson currently has one stick in his possession and one other has been used in further testing. The remaining three are kept in Dr. Stevenson's office and are up for grabs.
Input: 1x stick from previous output
Setting: Very fine
Output: 1x piece new variety of spearmint-flavored bubble gum. Bubbles blown appear to have no limit in size except that of the room. Cleaning staff found that the gum, even after bursting due to contact with walls and ceiling, can be easily recombined into the original piece and does not collect any debris.
Note: It's certainly spectacular, but does this new variety of extremely-large-bubble gum have any practical application? - Dr. Stevenson
Addendum: From now on, no items obtained from SCP-914 are to be tested in research cell 109-B. Results could damage the SCP or result in a terrible mess. Do it outside or something. -O5-6
Name: Dr. ███████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 7 lbs. raw ground beef
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 lb. beef slurry.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 lb. raw chuck steak.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: 1:1
Output:4 quarter-pound raw beef patties.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 lb. Medium-cooked round steak.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 lb. pile of beef jerky.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 2 half-pound flank steaks, well-done and lightly drizzled in gravy.
Input: 1 lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Appeared to be [DATA EXPUNGED] ██████████ started mooing ██████████ bitten subject [DATA EXPUNGED] ██████████ escaped into ██████████ screaming ██████████ [DATA EXPUNGED] hungry for [DATA EXPUNGED]. Subject immediately terminated.
Name: Dr. █████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Rough
Output: several hundred thin paper strips.
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 block of wood, wet with strong-smelling liquid. Tests indicated the liquid to be composed of a variety of chemicals used in the paper-making process.
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x IRS Form 4868 (blank)
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x IRS Form 1040, with all blank space including margins and backs of pages filled with imprecations against the IRS and taxation in general in the following languages [in order of quantity of text, from greatest to least]: Basque, Quenya [see below], Sumerian, Cherokee, an unidentifiable language with a writing system composed of curved symbols, Classical Chinese, English (from the curses used, apparently c. 1650-1750). After long study of the unidentifiable symbols Dr. █████ could identify no commonality with any of the other languages present on the form. The Sumerian contained three words unattested from any known text. The Quenya had its cursing of the IRS interspersed with vituperation of someone or something called "Morgoth".
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x IRS Form "MXL", filled out for the year 35 and with the name given as "GAIVS IVLIVS CAESAR AVGVSTVS GERMANICVS" and all monetary amounts given in Roman numerals with the word "DENARII" entered afterwards. Dr. [NAME EXPUNGED], known for his amateur interest in Roman history, absconded with the form, muttering something about anachronisms.
Name: Dr. ███████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x 250 mL cans of Red Bull brand energy drink. (Unopened)
Input: 1x 250 mL can of Red Bull.
Setting: Rough
Output: Several small piles of various substances, including powdered aluminum, dyes, sucrose, pure caffeine, and a small puddle of carbonated water.
Input: 1x 250 mL can of Red Bull.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Approx. 2 cups of generic instant coffee, black.
Input: 1x 250 mL can of Red Bull.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x 250 mL can "Monster" brand energy drink.
Input: 1x 250 mL can of Red Bull.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x can 250 mL Red Bull Ultra. Brand is not currently produced by the company that makes Red Bull. Expiration date is marked as ██/█/████, far in the future from the writing of this report. Ingredient label contains several substances not known to modern science. Upon consumption of the beverage, D class personnel was observed to function normally for 72 hours without sleep. No signs typical of excess stimulant consumption such as trembling, irritability, or difficulty concentrating were observed. After 72 hours, subject slept for a standard eight hours and remarked that they felt "just fine" on waking. It is not known if the given expiration date means that the drink had an exceptionally long shelf life, or that it was somehow procured from a future era.
Input: 1x 250 mL can of Red Bull.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x 30 mL unmarked bottle containing unidentifiable liquid. Upon consumption, Class D personnel disappeared. Approx. two seconds later, facility wide containment breach was reported. Security on duty reported seeing "some kind of gray blur". Security sweep of the surrounding area turned up the Class D subject approx. 26 km from the facility. Subject was apprehended and when questioned remarked they had just had "the most incredible rush" and that everything now appeared to be moving "too fast". Subject terminated. Giving Class D subjects materials that could result in their escape is not recommended.
Name: Dr. Walter Crowne
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: 12x 700MB CD-R discs
Input: 1x 700MB CD-R disc
Setting: Rough
Output: 16 grams of melted plastic and trace amounts of assorted chemicals.
Input: 1x 700MB CD-R disc
Setting: Coarse
Output: One clear plastic disk, and a small compressed cube of various chemicals.
Input: 1x 700MB CD-R disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 700MB CD-R disc from a different manufacturer.
Input: 7x 700MB CD-R discs
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 4.7GB DVD-R and 2 100MB Iomega Zip Disks.
Input: 1x 700MB CD-R disc
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 recordable Blu-Ray disc.
Input: 1x 700MB CD-R disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. The label indicates it was manufactured by [DATA EXPUNGED], the same company that produced the CD-R discs used in this test, but neither the product nor the technology used to create it currently exist. Analysis suggests a storage medium based on quantum entanglement; attempts to engineer a drive that can actually read from and write to the disc have thus far met with failure.
Name: Agent C. Locke
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 1x speaker/battery/chip from a birthday card, 1x wind up music box, 1x pair of men's size 10 steel toed workboots, ██████ brand.
Input: 1x Birthday card speaker, minus the card
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Mechanical birthday card speaker, operates the same with much higher sound quality, as if from live singers.
Input: 1x Music box.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Music Box, plays for one hour fully wound, with an on/off switch. Rotational metal drum replaced with fine assembly of interlocking steel rods which realign after striking the comb. Comb was previously steel with twenty four teeth, now a tempered crystallized steel with two hundred and fifty six teeth. Sounds like bells. The tune played does not seem to repeat itself, and deviated from immediately recognizable original tune within three minutes of first test.
Input: 1x Pair of steel toe work boots, black, size 10.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Pair of similar work boots, black, same size. Entire boot waterproof and corrosion resistant, leather much firmer, laces replaced with flexible cloth webbing that contracts when tugged upwards. Interior of the boot lined with drying fiber cover over adaptive padding. Sole of boot remains rubber, now much firmer, apparently shot through with capillaries. Grips solidly, capillaries wick water and other liquids out to the sides. Does not squeak or scuff. Layer between leather and padding replaced with overlapping plates of steel, covering most angles without inhibiting flexibility.
Name: Dr. Lambert
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) Hot Wheels Ferrari toy cars.
Input: One (1) toy Ferrari will be input for each test.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Hot Wheels Mustang.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) toy Ferrari of the same size and color, but with all moving parts and greatly-increased detail inside, outside, and under the hood. Comparison to full-size Ferrari of the same model showed that the output was a perfect scale-copy of the original.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) DVD. On the DVD are complete schematics of the model of Ferrari that was input. Contents of the DVD are in Italian and Japanese.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) toy Ferrari of the same basic model, but with more moving parts, much more detail, and a small button on the roof. When a subject presses the button, that subject is suddenly shrunk down and placed in the driver's seat of the toy car. The subject is able to drive the car around like a standard car, reaching relative speeds in excess of 250 km/h. Stepping out of the car returns the subject to normal size, but subjects are affected by vertigo, general numbness, tinnitus, and occasionally [DATA EXPUNGED]. Symptoms disappear after a few days' bed rest.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) futuristic-looking toy car. When the Output door was opened, the toy car flew out under its own power and flew around the room at a very high speed. Personnel on hand attempted to catch the car, but [DATA EXPUNGED]. Five (5) security personnel treated for second- and third-degree burns and [DATA EXPUNGED]. The car is being held in a secure cell for further research.
Note: After examination, the outputs from the 1:1 and Fine settings were released to Dr. Lambert. The outputs from Very Fine are securely contained for further research.
Name: Dr. Clopine
Date: 8/15/09
Total Items: Five (5) 11 X 8.5" copies of the Mona Lisa printed from an HP Photosmart 3310 All-In-One onto photo paper
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shredded photo paper, several pools of ink
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 8.5 x 11" sheet of plastic, one 8.5 X 11" sheet of paper, several pools of ink
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 8.5 x 11" copy of Vitruvian Man
Setting: Fine
Output: One 8.5 X 11" copy of Mona Lisa, painted onto canvas. Testing revealed paint to be oil paint of modern origins
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 7 x 10" copy of the Mona Lisa painted onto wood panel, identified to be poplar. Paint samples tested to be oil paints made from beeswax, calcined bones, piled glass, and mineral pigments, with indications that pigments were hand ground. Further testing suggests painting dates to early 16th century. Output now resides on wall in Dr. Clopine's office.
Name: Dr. T. Griffe
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) sheets of blank notebook paper, college-ruled.
Setting: Rough
Output: Small pile of shredded paper.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Small pile of sawdust.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) sheet of blank notebook paper, wide-ruled.
Setting: Fine
Output: Sheet of unlined paper, brighter in color than the original. Paper resists tearing and creasing and can be erased repeatedly, leaving no stray marks and no evidence of shredding or deterioration.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Small origami horse. Examination under magnification reveals a high level of detail, including realistic facial features. Blue lines still visible on paper's surface. Attempts to unfold the object have been unsuccessful.
Name: Professor "Q"
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) boxes of standard friction matches. One (1) lit friction match
Inmput: One (1) box of friction matches, unlit
Setting: Rough
Output: Burst of flame consumed output materials.
Notes: All further tests involving flammable materials are to be conducted using flame-retardant clothing and at least 2 class A/B/C fire extinguishers.
Input: One (1) box of friction matches, unlit
Setting: Coarse
Output: small pile of pine tinder and small pile of Potassium Chlorate, sulfur, starch, Calcium Carbonate, silicon fiber, diatomite, and glue.
Input: One (1) box of friction matches, unlit
Setting: 1:1
Output: charcoal briquette, same mass as input
Input: One (1) box friction matches, unlit
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) box of sealed glass cylinders, each containing slip of phosphorus-impregnated paper
Input: One (1) box of friction matches, unlit
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) wood-corked glass vial containing a cloudy orange liquid. Liquid ignites on contact with flammable objects. Analysis pending.
Input: One (1) friction match, lit
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) ~1inch sphere of orange material, on fire. Fire burns, regardless of fuel or air. SCP status and further analysis pending.
Name: Professor "Q"
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: One (1) chessboard, initial setup
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) chessboard, white king's pawn moved up 2 spaces.
Input: board as above, with black pawn moved to legal position
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) chessboard, as above with white queen moved diagonally to legal position.
Professor "Q": Yes, I've been playing chess with 914. …Yes, I'm aware it's supposed to be non-sentient, but that hardly explains why it's winning.
Name: Dr. J█████ N██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: Five (5) tuna sandwiches, on white bread.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wheat, a small pile of yeast, a puddle of water and one (1) segment of twitching, bloody flesh (later identified as tuna musculature).
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small loaf of bread, and chunks of cooked tuna.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) salmon sandwich, on rye bread.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) tuna sandwich. Tuna was later revealed to be of the highest quality, with light, soft bread. Testing on D-class personnel resulted in dramatically increased cognitive capacity; further chemical analysis revealed it to contain unusually high levels of Omega-3 and Omega-7 fatty acids.
Input: One (1) tuna sandwich.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A loaf of bread baked into a very realistic shape of a tuna. When the door was opened, it immediately began "swimming" around the room and out the door. It has not been seen since; however. SCP-███ has been looking noticeably fatter lately.
Name: Dr. Aeolus
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: 9x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife, including single blade, tweezers and toothpick
Input: 1x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Victorinox Class SD Knife, including previous components as well as scissors and nail file
Input: 1x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife, Previous Output
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Victorinox SwissFlash 16GB Laser Pointer, which included an empty 16GB flash drive and red laser pointer in addition to previous components. Small pile of metal and plastic dross, presumably parts of the knife that weren't used.
Input: 1x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife, Previous Output
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Victorinox knife of unknown model, includes previous components and corkscrew, bottle opener, saw, and additional blade. Tweezers and toothpick are of improved quality. Slightly larger pile of dross.
Input: 5x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife, Previous Output
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Victorinox Swisschamp XAVT with… well, 80 different tools on it. Matches retail product precisely. After analysis, output allegedly vanished into the pocket of Dr. Aeolus.
Input: 1x Victorinox Sentinel Clip Knife
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A switchblade of unknown metal whose 4" blade seems to vibrate slightly when cutting, despite the lack of any sort of engine to facilitate this. Shown capable of cutting through wood, flesh, bones, and most high-strength metals with little to no resistance and has not yet shown signs of dulling. Victorinox logo on the side. Passed through a knife-proof vest with no difficulty. Output was lost temporarily during lab cleanup, later recovered from Dr. Aeolus's office, added to his slightly excessive knife collection. Dr. Aeolus has been reprimanded, and the blade contained securely for further testing.
Name: Researcher Voct
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: 2x CD-ROM, containing 750 MB of unidentified starfield images taken from long-term ocular study of SCP-134.
Input: 1x CD-ROM
Setting: 1:1
Output: One CD-ROM, containing 750 MB of unidentified starfield images. Analysis shows 90% dissimilarity between contents of processed CD-ROM and contents of original.
Input: One CD-ROM.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: One CD-ROM, containing [DATA EXPUNGED].
Name: Junior Researcher Dr. Zara, Prof. █ supervising
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: Five complete Staunton chess sets, boxwood & honey rosewood, 30cm x 30cm x 9cm at highest piece, 1.4kg. Pieces positioned in standard Chess initial setup.
Input: 1x Chess set
Setting: Rough
Output: 1.4kg pile of mixed boxwood & rosewood wooden chips, ranging from 3 mm³ to 2 cm³ in dimensions. 1x intact boxwood pawn, buried in the pile.
Input: 1x Chess set
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1x boxwood pyramid, 700g in weight. 1x honey rosewood pyramid, 700g in weight.
Input: 1x Chess set
Setting: 1:1
Output: Identical Chess set, pieces arranged on it in late endgame (Diagram annexed). Captured pieces are neatly arranged beside the board in two rows. Black is two moves from checkmate.
Check progress of Prof. Q's game and whether it relates to this.
Input: 1x Chess set
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x 6x6 grid set in two colors of green with same size as original board, 22x boxwood & honeywood figurines of mythological figures, 11 to a side. No further information supplied.
Input: 1x Chess set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x cube of aerogel-like substance: can be reached into or cut through but regains coherence after tool is removed. 256 dots of black and bright white (half each) are visible in the substance: These appear to be pigmented on the medium rather than discrete items, but can be moved around the cube when pushed with a tool. Surrounding one dot with four or more dots of the other color makes it vanish. Further research pending.
Name: Dr. J█████ N██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total items: Five (5) DVD players of model █████.
Input: One (1) DVD player.
Setting: Rough
Output: A cube of metal, a cube of plastic and smaller cubes consisting of the other materials used in the DVD player.
Input: One (1) DVD player.
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same DVD player, disassembled. DVD player worked perfectly well upon reassembly.
Input: One (1) DVD player.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) DVD player of a different brand.
Input: One (1) DVD player.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) combined HDDVD/Blu-Ray Disc player.
Input: One (1) DVD player.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small box with jacks for connection to a television and AC input. Any audiovisual media placed inside the box when connected to a TV will play perfectly in high definition, despite format, region control or degradation of original media. Box responds to voice commands such as "play", "rewind" and "fast forward". Box has been deemed safe to use, and has since been placed in the break room at Site-██ for recreational use.
Name:Dr. Sierra
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: x5 Schmidt und Bender Police Marksman II 1.1-4x24mm Short Dot riflescopes
Input 1x PMII scope
Setting: Rough
Output: 1x laser-cut cube of anodized aluminum; 1x sphere of laser-etched glass.
Input 1x PMII scope
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1x set backup iron sights fitting M1913 Picatinny rail systems. Sights constructed of anodized aluminum with glass aperture providing a projected red dot along with a negligible amount of magnification. Item has been successfully acquired by MTF Omicron-9 for the duration of the Task Force's operations.
Input 1x PMII scope
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x Nightforce 1-4x24mm NXS riflescope. Added to Site 19 Armory.
Input 1x PMII scope
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x Leupold Mark IV 3.5-10x40mm riflescope fitted with Barrett BORS computer aided ballistic ranging system and a secondary Aimpoint Micro T-1 red dot optic. Added to Site 19 Armory.
Input 1x PMII scope
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x riflescope of unknown make. Testing revealed that the optic varied zoom and reticle based on distance to closest target. Accuracy testing revealed that the optic compensated for all atmospheric conditions between shooter and target. Zoom variation was observed from 1x to 200x with integrated image stabilization. Reticles varied from a visible aiming laser at 2 meters with no zoom to illuminated crosshairs with integrated rangefinder and stabilization at 2,500 meters with maximum zoom. SCP Classification requested but denied due to lack of containment requirements. Item is catalogued as a weapon modification and currently resides in Site 19 armory for use by any Foundation forces that requisition it.
Name: Agent Talmor
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 60kg, 660g copper; 36kg 580g zinc; 1kg 20g tin; 1kg 740g iron
This is the first recursive test of SCP-914. The results have been interesting.
Input: 60kg, 660g copper; 36kg 580g zinc; 1kg 20g tin; 1kg 740g iron
Setting: Fine
Output: 100kg Aich's alloy brass
Input: 100kg Aich's alloy brass from above test
Setting: Fine
Output: Various cubes, spheres, cones, and other simple shapes of Aich's alloy brass. Total mass: 100kg. Full catalogue annexed.
Input: Above shapes
Setting: Fine
Output: Rods, chains, gears, plates, springs, screws, and other mechanical parts, many very fine, all apparently made of Aich's alloy brass. Total mass: 100kg. Full catalogue annexed.
Input: Above parts
Setting: Fine
Output: Multiple complex assemblies. Total mass: 100kg
Input: Above assemblies
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1m clockwork robot, resembling Agent Talmor, and a large winding key. Stood, walked, and appeared to look around for fifteen seconds when wound one "click." No clothing was modelled. The robot has been classified as SCP-███
Name:Dr. Birras
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items:Five (5) dry magnetic pocket compasses
Input: One (1) dry magnetic pocket compass
Setting: Rough
Output: A mangled aluminum ring, glass dust, and a scrap of magnetized iron
Input: One (1) dry magnetic pocket compass
Setting: Coarse
Output: 150 gram cube of aluminum, 100 gram cube of glass, 20 gram cube of magnetized iron
Input: One (1) dry magnetic pocket compass
Setting: 1:1
Output: One surveyor's compass
Input: One (1) dry magnetic pocket compass
Setting: Fine
Output: One pocket compass of similar appearance. Testing showed that the compass points magnetic north even in the presence of powerful magnetic fields.
Input: One (1) dry magnetic pocket compass
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small black sphere with a bright red arrow always pointing in one direction. Stellar cartography reveals that the arrow points to the center of the Milky Way galaxy.
Name: Mr J Mellows, Drs ████, ████, ██████ and █████.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: Five (5) ██████ black brand pocket scientific calculators.
Agent Talmor's test dated ██/█/20██ indicates that 914 may be aware of its user to a certain degree. Each will be treated on the 1:1 setting by a different staff member to determine if any pattern emerges.
Input: ██████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff member: Dr ████, male, 32
Setting: 1:1
Output: Identical model but in pink as opposed to black.
Staff response: Dr ████ stated he had no reason to prefer the output to the input.
Input: ██████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff member: Dr ████, male, 27
Setting: 1:1
Output: ███ brand pocket calculator, stainless steel.
Staff response: Dr ████ stated output appeared "sleeker" and "cooler".
Input: ██████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff member: Dr ████, female, 43
Setting: 1:1
Output: ██████ brand calculator watch. Output has same total processing power but reduced functionality to accommodate timekeeping and alarm functions.
Staff response: Dr ██████ stated she had no reason to prefer the output to the input. Dr ██████ has two (2) censures on her record for tardiness.
Input: ██████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff member: Dr ████, male, 34,
Setting: 1:1
Output: ████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff response: Dr ████ stated he had no reason to prefer the output to the input.
Input: ██████ brand pocket calculator.
Staff member: Mr J Mellows, male, 28.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Unbranded slide rule with identical functionality to input.
Staff response: Requested to keep output for personal collection of slide rules.
Results seem inconclusive the output of 914 has been largely useful to date which makes this harder to judge. More study is needed.- J Mellows.
Name: Agent "Mister" Bibs
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: Five (5) samples of 1kg of unworked emerald crystal
Input: 1kg of unworked emerald crystal
Setting: Rough
Output: Sample of emerald shows signs of extreme shear stress.
Input: 1kg of unworked emerald crystal
Setting: Coarse
Output: Sample of emerald shows a 50% increase in surface fractures.
Input: 1kg of unworked emerald crystal
Setting: 1:1
Output: Emerald has been polished and cut into the classic 'emerald cut'.
Input: 1kg of unworked emerald crystal
Setting: Fine
Output: Emerald has been polished and cut into a perfect sphere.
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items 9 identical copies of the King James Bible
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Rough.
Output: One sheet of leather, one block of wood of approximate dimensions 3/4 that of the bible, one stack of ink stained rags, one reel of thread.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the Qu'ran.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Hand-illustrated copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls on new papyri
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One book with leaden pages and a golden cover. Language unknown.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One book entitled "The Satanic Bible"
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One DVD containing animated accounts of all the Bible stories.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One statuette, human in form. Quotes Bible passages at random, unless prompted either by book, or by a short phrase from the bible, in which case it continues from that point. Voices are appropriate to persons in Bible, narrator is a neutral voice of ambiguous gender unless the book is attributed to a particular person, in which case voices is appropriate to that individual.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One book with seemingly infinite pages (current count exceeds two million) containing copies of religious texts with commentaries and footnotes from all known religions, in multiple different languages, plus some religious texts from (currently) unknown religions.
Name: Dr. ██████████████████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items 1 list of everything we know SCP-055 is not.
Input: 1 list of everything we know SCP-055 is not.
Setting: Very fine
Output: A list of something, about something. Researcher and Guard failed to recall what was on the list. List was misplaced, somewhere.
I don't even remember what we were researching. - Dr. ██████████████████
Name: Agent Talmor
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: One (1) copy of the current issue of Superman.
Four bowls were placed in the output booth before the comic was inserted
Input: One (1) copy of this month's issue of Superman
Setting: Rough
Output: Two metal rods, presumably the staples, a sheet of plastic, several sheets of paper, and one pool each of cyan, magenta, yellow and black ink, in the provided bowls.
Very interesting. This could be a very good way to refine out substances we can't otherwise analyze. -Agent Talmor
Name: Dr. E██ █████.
Date: ██/█/2010
Total items: Five (5) Bayer Aspirin tablets, 325mg; five (5) cans of Diet Coke
Input: 1x Bayer Aspirin Tablet, 325mg
Setting: Rough
Output: Several small piles of white powder, identified as acetylsalicylic acid and tablet binders.
Input: 1x Bayer Aspirin Tablet, 325mg
Setting: Coarse
Output: One tablet of generic acetylsalicylic acid. Tablet contained only 274mg of active ingredient.
Input: 1x Bayer Aspirin Tablet, 325mg
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 200mg tablet of Advil (ibuprofen).
Input: 1x Bayer Aspirin Tablet, 325mg
Setting: Fine
Output: One 40mg Oxycontin tablet. Tablet confiscated by Dr. ███.
Input: 1x Bayer Aspirin Tablet, 325mg
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One tablet of [DATA EXPUNGED]
Input: 1x Can of Diet Coke
Setting: Rough
Output: water, carbon dioxide, small amounts of flavorings, aspartame, and phosphoric acid.
Input: 1x Can of Diet Coke
Setting: Coarse
Output: One can of Wal-Mart "American Fare" Diet Cola
Input: 1x Can of Diet Coke
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of Diet Pepsi
Input: 1x Can of Diet Coke
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of Boylan's All Natural Diet Cola
Input: 1x Can of Diet Coke
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One can of Diet Ultra Coke, sweetened with █████. Expiration Date 6/8/2147. Tasted by several researchers, who agreed it's "The best damn diet soda I've ever tried!" Attempts to isolate █████ and market it as a sweetener for benefit of the SCP Foundation are in progress.
Name: Agent ██████, under the supervision of Dr. ████████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) pairs of X-Ray Specs
Input: 1 pair of X-Ray Specs
Setting: Rough
Output: One small mound of sawdust, one of black plastic pellets, and one of fine bird down.
Input: 1 pair of X-Ray Specs
Setting: Coarse
Output: Disassembled glasses frames, four pieces of cardboard printed with a spiral design on one side, and two feathers.
Input: 1 pair of X-Ray Specs
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three packets of Amazing Sea Monkeys.
Input: 1 pair of X-Ray Specs
Setting: Fine
Output: A small thermal imaging device with USB port.
Input: 1 pair of X-Ray Specs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pair of glasses identical in appearance to the input, except for a digital input on one arm which allows the user to remove one layer of material from anything being viewed. When the wearer looks at a clothed human being, the settings on the glasses remove, in order, the subject's clothes, epidermis, muscle, soft tissue, bone, and [DATA REDACTED].
Name: Dr. West
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: Five (5) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguishers.
Input: One (1) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguisher.
Setting: Rough
Output: After opening the output booth, there was a burst of air pressure, which was revealed to be Nitrogen gas. There were also several heaps of metal, paint and plastic, along with a pile of fluidized and siliconized monoammonium phosphate powder.
Input: One (1) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguisher.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One fireproof blanket and one (1) bucket of water.
Input: One (1) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguisher.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One APW (Air Pressure Water) class fire extinguisher.
Input: One (1) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguisher.
Setting: Fine
Output: One small red sphere the size of a softball, with a pin and handle similar to a grenade. Written on the side were the words, "10 second delay. Throw at center of inflammation. Range - 10 meter radius."
Input: One (1) Class ABC Dry Chemical fire extinguisher.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small device, resembling a red MagLight. A round button on the side was colored yellow with a black diamond in the center. Inscribed on the side was a arrow pointing towards the lens of the device, and a number of warnings in various languages. In English, it reads "Warning: Will stop all forms of Oxidation. Do not use if live casualties remain. 20 degree cone output, 30 meter range." Tests show it will stop all fire when activated. When aimed at a class D holding a firearm, it was able to prevent the combustion of gunpowder, but testing resulted in the death of the Class D.
Note: Read the directions people. All oxidation includes ATP and cellular respiration. -Dr. ██████
Name: Agent Kaufman with Dr. ████ assisting
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: Five (5) █████-Brand Number Two (2) Graphite Pencils
Input: One (1) Pencil
Setting: Rough
Output: Small heap of pencil shavings, shreds of metal from the pencil's ferrule and burnt pieces of rubber.
Input: One (1) Pencil
Setting: Coarse
Output: 4 different cubes of spruce wood, graphite, aluminum, and rubber.
Input: One (1) Pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: One wooden ballpoint pen, with spring and ballpoint assemblies composed of metal ferrule. 'Ink' is made up of liquefied graphite held in a rubber tube. Mass is identical to input.
Get some analysis done on the spring assembly and 'graphite ink'. —Dr. ████
Input: One (1) Pencil.
Setting: Fine
Output: One pencil of superior quality. Tests conclude that output never gets dull no matter how much is written with it. Eraser shows noticeable rigidity and, like the pencil tip, does not lose mass to repeated use. Written English text takes on the appearance of Vivaldi font. Output has been deemed safe and given to Dr. ████ for office use.
Input: One (1) Pencil
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Output is a small wooden circlet, designed to be worn as a piece of headgear. When worn by Agent Kaufman, English text appeared on paper in front of him. Agent Kaufman confirmed this to be exactly what he was thinking at the time. Object deemed safe for use and given to Kaufman.
Name: Dr. Kade Tice
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: Three (3) ███-Brand Glow Sticks
Input: One (1) Glow Stick
Setting: 1:1
Output: Identical glow stick of different brand.
Input: One (1) Glow Stick
Setting: Fine
Output: Output appeared to be identical, but upon activation, all within range of the light produced reported euphoria, "the urge to dance", and [DATA EXPUNGED].
Input: One (1) Glow Stick
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED], effects were similar to that of ecstasy, along with hallucinations of being at "an awesome rave". SCP status is pending approval.
Name: Researcher Voct
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: One (1) borosilicate glass test tube containing fifteen (15) grams of isotopically pure water.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One borosilicate glass sculpture of the word "water" written in cursive lettering, filled with isotopically pure water.
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: 1:1
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with the words ““I would like a Whopper. No Ketchup, No Mustard. Small order of onion rings, and a medium Coke”
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of US counterfeit currency , composed of stand paper and printed by #2 pencil lead. The currency totals to the exact cost of the requested order, plus tax.
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with a series of symbols inscribed upon it which do not correspond to any known system of writing. Subjects viewing the symbols describe a sudden and intense desire for a cheeseburger.
Name: Researcher Min
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) teddy bears of insignificant make, brown.
Input: A teddy bear of insignificant make, brown.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A teddy bear of same dimensions, blue.
Input: A teddy bear of insignificant make, brown.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A stuffed elephant, grey. Object weighed the same as input.
Input: A teddy bear of insignificant make, brown.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A stuffed [DATA EXPUNGED], brown with purple tentacles. Output weighed same as input, did not match any known animal on Earth.
Is that Cthulhu?
-Researcher Min
Input: A teddy bear of insignificant make, brown.
Setting: Fine
Output: A teddy bear resembling input except that upon further inspection, jumped up at the researcher with open arms. Object appears animate and seems to speak with the voice of researcher's father. Audio logs recorded it requesting researcher to hug it and referring to itself as "Huggles". Object forcefully terminated when it refused to let go of researcher's leg upon his exit.
Input: A teddy bear of insignificant make, brown.
Setting: Very fine
Output: A brown fluffy ball of synthetic material, resembling a symmetrical wad of cotton approximately 10cm in diameter. Is shown to be waterproof, fireproof and displays extreme durability. When squeezed roughly, ball steadily expands into shape of a juvenile harp seal, changes colour to grey. Object appears animate like in previous experiment, but did not speak. Displayed standard behaviour of a juvenile harp seal, appeared to regard researcher as parent. Researcher comments that "it was the cutest thing [he] had ever seen!" Upon forceful retrieval from researcher's grasp by Agent █████, citing possible memetic effect, the seal immediately contracted into its original state and expanded into animate blue four-legged creature resembling a mutated mudskipper. Agent █████, despite previous actions, instantly hugs object, squealing in apparent glee. Agent █████ then requested object for personal use, request denied. Object is now in possession of Researcher Min.
Name: Dr. ████
Date: █/█/20██
Total Items: 1 kilogram of SCP-447-2, 1 daily planner.
Input: 1 daily planner.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small(3x3x1 cm) device resembling an LCD screen, but made of papier-mache instead of plastic, and the actual screen replaced with binding plastic. Pushing the button at the back causes it to project a touch-operated holographic planner. Output was claimed by Dr. █████, who later accidentally dropped it in water, resulting in its destruction.
Input: 1 kilogram of SCP-447-2.
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 kilogram of what appears to be the [DATA EXPUNGED] of a human corpse having undergone [DATA EXPUNGED].
Class A amnesiacs administered to all present guards, and Dr. ████ has been terminated. Security guards have been reprimanded for incompetence. ~ O5-█
Name: Dr. Syka Brown
Date: 7/12/20██
Total Items: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Bouncy Ball', cardboard label still attached
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Bouncy Ball', with cardboard label
Setting: Fine
Output: A ball carrying a cardboard label identifying it as a ██████ brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'. Behaviour was identical to store-bought varieties.
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball of smaller shape and differing colour, with a cardboard tag, specifying it as a "██████ brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'". The manufacturer does not appear to produce this product. Testing reveals that the ball has 0.█% energy loss per bounce, making it extremely efficient.
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ball, that appears unchanged from the input. There is however, a difference in its [REDACTED] properties, exhibited when dropped by Researcher █. ██████ [REDACTED] forty-five casualties, twelve injuries [DATA EXPUNGED] ███ escape velocity, [DATA EXPUNGED] spotted orbiting Mars.
Name: Agent Marr
Date: 7/9/20██
Total Items: 1 (one) GCSE Maths paper from June 20██, 1 (one) GCSE English paper from June 20██, 1 (one) GCSE Science paper from June 20██. All testing papers from the ███████ testing board.
Input: 1 (one) GCSE Maths paper, 1 (one) GCSE English paper, 1 (one) GCSE Science paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 (one) ███████ GCSE "Combined Disciplines" paper. ███████ does not produce, and has never produced such a paper.
Input: Combined Disciplines paper.
Setting: Fine
Output: One ███████ "Standardized Intelligence Test". ███████ does not, and never has, produced such a paper.
Input: "Standardized Intelligence Test"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 41 sheets of paper, a small puddle of ink, and a sheet of paper with the words "Universal Intelligence, Deductive Reasoning and [DATA REDACTED] (UIDR███) Test" written across the top. Of note is that unless the test is held by one person, in silence, it will display no text. When these conditions are met, a series of questions will appear on the page, testing all aspects of human intellect the paper claims to test. Once the test has been finished, all writing on the paper will vanish, and a new line of text reading "This is your score:" will appear, with a number under it. This number has shown to be a fairly accurate prediction of aptitude, general intelligence and other useful measures of competence. Once this sheet has been released, it will revert to showing its standard "UIDR███ Test" message. No two people have received the same question. Once the Overseers learnt about this item, they showed extreme interest in possible application as a screening process for potential Foundation recruits. As such, it has been confiscated.
Name: Dr. W████, ten (10) D-class personnel
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: Five (5) identical sugar cubes, volume of 1cm3 apiece, 90% pure
Input: One (1) sugar cube, described above
Setting: Rough
Output: Small mound of powdered sugar
Input: One (1) sugar cube, described above
Setting: Coarse
Output: Eight (8) identical sugar cubes, each .125cm3
Input: One (1) sugar cube, described above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of unflavored rock candy, volume of .6cm3
Input: One (1) sugar cube, described above
Setting: Fine
Output: One sugar cube which tripled the reaction speed of Subject D-23904 for thirty (30) minutes after ingestion before rapidly drawing her into a diabetic coma; death followed within five (5) minutes.
Input: One (1) sugar cube, described above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two sugar cubes identical to the input sample, one of which, upon placement within the mouth of Subject D-23908, accelerated his mental processes by ████% and accelerated his reaction speed by ███%. Guards called in to restrain subject, Dr. W████'s dentures replaced. Subject is currently under observation and has talked constantly since beginning of observation, apparently expounding on current Quantum String Theory. Subject D-23908 was employed as an accountant before incarceration and had no way of learning Quantum String Theory.
Name: D-class personnel awaiting the return of Dr. W████ from his denture refit
Date: ██/█/20██
Total Items: One (1) cube of unknown sucrose-based material obtained from previous experiment
Input: One (1) item, described above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED], resulting in the deaths of all eight surviving D-class personnel and subsequent coating of their corpses in a shell of crystallized sucrose. Level 3 personnel provided with biohazard suits before entry. Bodies retrieved and room sprayed down with water, sucrose coatings dissolved readily. Chemical analysis of atmosphere in the room revealed a sugar purity of ████% in the air. Sugar shells were tasted by Dr. W████ when he returned with his dentures, pronounced 'sweet, but a bit meaty.'
Name: Dr. W████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) identical ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaners, one (1) small patch of carpet (not to be processed)
Input: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Setting: Rough
Output: A small lump of plastic and metal, identical in weight to the input
Input: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) fully-disassembled ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Input: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) ██████-brand vacuum cleaner
Input: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner, which upon testing cleaned the carpet 350% more efficiently than the input model
Input: One (1) ████ █████-brand vacuum cleaner
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small black bowl with a golden circle on the bottom. When the bowl was inverted onto the carpet and the circle depressed there was a brief humming sound. The circle of (heavily-soiled) carpet underneath the bowl was observed to be spotless, and of a shade of white significantly less grey than the rest of the carpet.
Input: One (1) small black bowl with a golden circle on the bottom
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) small neon-orange sphere that repels all detritus within five (5) meters.
Input: One (1) small neon-orange sphere
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. W████ recorded as saying, "Ye gods, I've never felt so clean…" Object confiscated and destroyed.
Name: Agent Brooks
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: One (1) cup of coffee in a ceramic mug
Input: One (1) cup of coffee in a ceramic mug
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cylinder of roughly equal size to that of the mug. When Agent Brooks approached it, it fired a large arc of energy, hitting him in the face. Agent Brooks was thrown backwards against the far wall, but sustained only superficial injuries. The cylinder was later determined to be made of the same ceramic material as the mug and had no apparent means of generating the energy blast. Notably, Agent Brooks has reported an inability to sleep since the incident, and is beginning to suffer the effects of extended sleep deprivation.
Name: Dr. C███████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Five (5) prints of La trahison des images by René Magritte.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One miniature pipe identical to that in the print, with "C'est une pipe" engraved on it.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A near identical print, with "This is not a pipe" written in in English in the same hand as in the original.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Fine
Output: A print of Les deux mystères by René Magritte.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A print of an untitled painting, later definitively confirmed by art experts to have been produced by René Magritte, despite there being no record of its existence. The painting depicts [DATA REDACTED] in addition to La trahison des images.
Input: One (1) print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blank piece of paper with the memetic property of inducing observers to believe that it is a pipe. The paper was accidentally destroyed by Dr. C███████ who placed it in his mouth and set it on fire. Dr. C███████ was treated for minor burns to his face but was otherwise not injured.
Name: Dr. Bridge
Date: ██/█/20██
Total Items: 1x laser pointer, 1x container █████-brand simulated bacon bits.
Input: One (1) 200mw laser pointer pen, one (1) container █████-brand simulated bacon bits.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Resultant instrument weighed 99% the combined weight of both Input objects; when activated, produces a ray that caused affected foodstuffs to carry a strong hint of bacon flavour. If aimed at a living object, target will produce a strong bacon scent for approximately four and a half hours.
Name: Dr. Vang
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: 1x laser pointer, 1x container █████-brand simulated bacon bits.
Input: One (1) 200mw laser pointer pen, one (1) container █████-brand simulated bacon bits.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: What appeared to be a single laser pointer pen affixed to the side of a container of the aforementioned bacon bits; object weighed 98.9% the combined weight of the input products. Shining the laser at foodstuffs produced no effect. When aimed at a Class-D personnel, the subject's skin was immediately and completely replaced with live pig skin of an equivalent thickness and type. Subject experienced no pain in the process; however, the subject died forty-eight minutes later due to an apparent allergic reaction to the skin.
Name: Dr. █████
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: One (1) 3.5m length of 4x4 pine wood, weighing roughly 100kg; One (1) cube of magnetite, 1dm3, weighing roughly 40kg
Input: One (1) length of pine wood and one (1) magnetite cube, both described above
Setting: Fine
Output: Two (2) cubes of unidentified material, qualities resemble pine wood in most respects, objects exhibit strong magnetic characteristics in relation to each other, but not in relation to normal ferrous materials. Combined weight identical to input.
Name: Junior Assistant Ibor
Date: ██/██/20██
Input: Five (5) issues of [REDACTED] pornographic magazine.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] of a naked woman.
OH GOD I FORGOT ABOUT CONSERVATION OF MASS OH GOD - Junior Assistant Ibor
Name: Agent Schism
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Two (2) ████-brand computer desks, one (1) list of specifications for a ████ ███████ laptop computer, standard to the Foundation.
Input: One (1) of the aforementioned desks, still in packaging.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One fully-assembled ████-brand computer desk, with what appears to be a cherry-wood veneer.
Input: One (1) assembled ████-brand computer desk, and one (1) list of specifications for the laptop.
Setting: Fine.
Output: One fully-assembled desk, with the upper portion perfectly spaced for the laptop and a second monitor, including a seemingly-ideal layout for cables. The lower portion, ordinarily containing room for a tower desktop, is replaced with additional shelving units on the upper half. This item is not in the ████ catalogues. Agent Schism requested permission to utilize this desk when not in the field, with the suggestion that similar items be provided (on a case to case basis) for other Foundation members. Request approved, suggestion under consideration.
Note: Hey, this desk was cheap as anything when I bought it. If it helps improve productivity on a dime, why not? -Agent Schism
Name: Report by Dr Johannes von Hildebrandt; experiments by Dr von Hildebrandt, Senior Researcher ████████, test subject D-5318008, and Agent V. S. O. Portman
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Three (3) tablets of Oxy-Contin brand oxycodone pain reliever, one hundred and sixty milligrammes; two (2) tablets of Valium brand diazepam tranquiliser, 10 milligrammes; one (1) capsule of Desoxyn brand methamphetamine, five milligrammes, one (1) green glow-stick, one (1) capsule of SCP-500 panacea, replicated by means of SCP-038.
Last Monday morning, I entered the recreation room of Test Facility X, and I noticed the ██████ cadavers of ██ class D test subjects, as well as the uninjured Senior Researcher ████████ in various ████████ poses on the ████████, the floor, ████████ sofa, and counter; some test subjects were in the ████████████ process of ████████ physical intimacy, including ████████, hugging, kissing, ████████ sex, ██████ sex, and ████████████. Senior Researcher ████████ was snoring extremely loudly and could not be awakened. I employed Agent Portman's help in cleaning up the mess and transferring Senior Researcher ████████ to a bed. After all was said and done, Agent Portman alerted me to the presence of a small, dark blue box, as well as several sheets of coffee-stained paper. Upon one was the word 'beauty' written repeatedly in beautiful French hand, and upon the others was the beginning of an experiment. The below log shows Senior Researcher ██████████ beginning of the experiment, as well as my conclusion of it. -Dr von Hildebrandt
Input: One Oxy-Contin tablet.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: One blue box, approximately two inches on each side, with a button on top. When pressed, Senior Researcher ████████ felt the effects of opioid intoxication; that is, an overpowering feeling of happiness, as well as drowsiness; he felt 'the need to hug anybody and everybody'. Senior Researcher █████████ took the result to the recreation room, and allowed, contrary to regulations, everybody in attendance to use the box repeatedly; the above effects were noted.
Input: One Oxy-Contin tablet, one Valium tablet.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: An object similar to a pen-light; when activated in the direction of test subject D-5318008, the subject felt incredibly drowsy and yet as if he had been 'kissed by God Himself'. When given an analeptic to treat the drowsiness, the subject felt empathic symptoms as described above.
Input: One Oxy-Contin tablet, one Valium tablet, one glow-stick, one Desoxyn capsule, one SCP-500 clone capsule.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: One glow-stick, in a pouch presumably originating from the various plastics used as pill binders. When glow-stick was removed from pouch, all the subjects and SCP personnel in the vicinity felt 'incredibly relaxed', with no drowsiness. Glow-stick was left outside SCP-914 for approximately one hour. When returned to pouch, all SCP personnel in the vicinity felt the effects of intense opioid withdrawal. Morphine was given to no avail; personnel returned to normal in approximately three days. SCP status pending.
Addendum by Agent Portman: The glow-stick inserted into the intake booth was green and inactive. The glow-stick in the output booth was purple and glowing. What's up with this thing? Oh, yeah, and my broken forearm's not broken any more!
Addendum by Dr von Hildebrandt: If exposed to the glow-stick combination for longer than approximately one hour, subjects will be unable to sleep (relationship to duration of exposure is yet to be determined); after a period of time, subjects will fall asleep immediately where they are and suffer the following effects in their sleep: shivering, involuntary muscle movements (especially in the legs), rhinorrhoea (runny nose), rough sleep, lacrimation (tearing of eyes), hypertension (high blood pressure), tachycardia (rapid heart rate), emesis (vomiting), and loss of bowel control. This thing isn't to be played with.
Name: Researcher ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Two (2) fire extinguishers, one (1) metal sculpture resembling a jetpack
Input: Two fire extinguishers, one metal sculpture resembling a jetpack
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One working jetpack made of fire extinguishers attached to sculpture. When a button on jetpack was pressed, a stream of pressurised gas came out of the jetpack. Gas decays into a vacuum in 1.5 minutes through unknown means.
Name: Dr von Hildebrandt
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: (6) sets photocopies and duplicates of lab notes and other research material on SCP-914.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One formal report book, 22cm x 30cm, 420 pages, bound with a clear plastic protective cover. Book contains all lab reports on SCP-914 assembled to date, apparently created on a word processor and printed with a color laser printer. Fonts used do not conform to any fonts currently installed on SCP Foundation computers. Each lab report contains more elaborate information, more detailed descriptions, and more precise measurements than were in the input material. The contents of the report are extensively cross-referenced, and there is a thorough index in the back. Spot-checking 40 randomly selected details that could be re-examined by our team, the more detailed information in the output was confirmed to be correct in all 40 cases.
The report book has been labeled "SCP-914 Output ██/█/20██-a" and added to research materials. Note: information therein should be confirmed before being deemed reliable.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One leatherbound tome, 54cm x 42cm, 256 vellum pages, with title written in gold leaf. Language of the title and the contents were at first unidentifiable, and were later discovered to be an old dialect of Finnish. The contents are written in calligraphy, and more than half the pages are elaborately illuminated with colored inks and gold and silver leaf. Once translated, the contents proved to be identical to the contents of the input material, arranged chronologically. The tome has been radiocarbon dated to the early 11th century C.E.
Anachronistically, a leather pocket is sewn into the inside back cover, and this pocket contains what appears to be a modern compact disc, 10cm in diameter. Data on this disc is encoded by an unknown codec. Attempts to divine the codec and decipher the data are ongoing.
Note: It's a pity the contents of this tome are classified. It's a piece worthy of any museum. I've never seen such exquisite calligraphy. The illuminations may prove to be the most interesting part of the book, though. They often portray clockworks and related mechanical parts as well as some of the input or output objects; possibly they relate in a direct rather than abstract way to the operation of SCP-914 as described on the illuminated pages.
The tome has been labeled "SCP-914 Output ██/█/20██-b" and added to research materials. It has been flagged for further study.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: A collection of unredacted notes, photographs, and other media related to SCP-████, which does not yet appear in the Foundation's catalogue of known SCPs. Dates contained within the output material start at ██/██/████, yet in the future as of this report. No personnel named in the material are current employees or associates of the SCP Foundation, save for Dr. █████ ██████████. When interviewed, Dr. ██████████ denied any knowledge of the material, and handwriting analysis has confirmed that the information attributed to him was not written by the current Foundation employee. Note: this is probably just a coincidence of names.
In accordance with established protocols, an alert of a potential temporal anomaly has been raised. O5-level personnel have been informed, and the output material (designated "SCP-914 Output ██/█/20██-c") has been classified and put into secure storage.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One cardboard box, 40cm x 65cm x 24cm, white. Contents are (15) manila folders containing detailed internal security notes, psychological profiles, and logs of covert monitoring of (15) different, current SCP Foundation personnel. Output materials were confiscated and later reported to have been destroyed. Accuracy or inaccuracy of the information contained therein could not be verified.
Now switching to the "Very Fine" setting. Perhaps we'll get more useful results. Only persistence will tell.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A set of (36) laminated posters, 80cm tall x 121cm wide. When arranged into a 4-wide by 9-tall rectangle, the posters form an animated image of interlocking gears in motion. The posters can be rearranged into any order of 4x9 pattern, and each arrangement portrays a different animated image of functioning clockworks. The animations appear to have no direct connection to SCP-914; they always appear in motion, even when SCP-914 is idle. They may not even be showing the workings of SCP-914, in any state. The team is still working on theories for what we're seeing.
The posters have been labeled "SCP-914 Output ██/█/20██-d" and added to research materials. They have been flagged for further study.
Input: 1x set of research materials
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One PDA containing a single document file, written in an undetermined language. PDA is heavy for its size. Lab technician █████ ██████ visually scanned through the file from beginning to end, then went into a catatonic state. Technician is completely unresponsive, save that whenever someone speaks directly to him, he replies with a statement that appears to be an alteration or refinement of whatever was spoken to him. He has been taken to Medical for treatment and observation. PDA has been labeled "SCP-914 Output ██/█/20██-e," labeled as dangerous and added to research materials.
Note: It's as though ██████ has become some sort of human linguistic SCP-914. It's a curious effect for a written document to have. Still, he might provide some useful insights into how SCP-914 works, or at least how its designers thought.
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: 07-01-2004
Total items: Five (5) adult SCP-939 specimens. Test cleared by O5 Command.
Input: One adult SCP-939 specimen was placed within SCP-914 on each setting.
Setting: Rough
Output: A mass of bone splinters, broken teeth, and scraps of translucent red tissue of various sizes. Tissue was observed to twitch spasmodically for several hours before activity ceased. Material preserved for further study.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Subject was divided up into organized piles of tissue, including but not limited to (presumably) muscle tissue, two piles of ground bone tissue (the significance of this division, if any, is unknown), teeth, skin, a total of approximately seventeen (17) meters of esophageal tissue divided into numerous coils, and approximately fifteen (15) kilograms of rotting human flesh littered with splinters of bone, shreds of fabric, and a tattered laminated ID tag identifying its owner as D-09355. As with the first test, SCP-939 tissue was observed to convulse for several hours before ceasing activity. SCP-939 remains preserved for further study; human remains incinerated.
Setting: 1:1
Output: [REDACTED]
Setting: Fine
Output: The same SCP-939 specimen. Respiration was noted to have halted. Test subject was immediately relocated to a reinforced concrete containment chamber and observed remotely via CCTV. Installation security forces were ordered to high alert. Twenty-four hours passed with no signs of activity from the subject. Subject proved unresponsive to all stimuli and was pronounced dead thirty-six hours later. Necropsy was unable to identify a cause of death nor any anatomical revisions attributable to SCP-914. Remains preserved for further study.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A heap of smoldering white ash.
Name: Experiment by Dr von Hildebrandt, firearms expertise by Thomas Gunn
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Four (4) Colt Python .357 Magnum revolvers, five (5) units of .357 hollow-point ammunition
Input: One unloaded Colt Python .357 Magnum revolver
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unloaded Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum revolver
Input: One unloaded Colt Python .357 Magnum revolver
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unloaded Taurus .357 Magnum revolver
Input: One unloaded Colt Python .357 Magnum revolver
Setting: Fine
Output: One unloaded Smith & Wesson model 29 .44 Magnum revolver
Input: One Colt Python .357 Magnum revolver, loaded with five rounds of Federal Premium hollow-point .357 ammunition
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Springfield Armory XD .357 SIG semi-automatic pistol, loaded with five rounds of Federal Premium JHP .357 SIG ammunition
Name: Researcher ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Twenty (20) ice cubes, two (2) miniature catapults, two (2) cups filled with 200ml of █████ brand lemonade
This should give some insight into what SCP-914 can do in relation to mind reading
Input: Five (5) ice cubes, one (1) cup
Setting: Fine
Circumstances: Subject was told to put the output into the cup
Output: One blue cube slightly larger than one of the original ice cubes. When completely immersed in a liquid, the liquid cools to 0 C within one (1) minute
Input: Five (5) ice cubes, one (1) cup
Setting: Very Fine
Circumstances: Subject was told to put the output into the cup
Output: One black cube of the same mass of the original five ice cubes and the cup yet five times denser. When it came out of the output, it was surrounded in a shell of frozen lemonade. Two faces of it have the logo of the SCP foundation on it. When these faces are touched at the same time, all liquids within a one (1) meter radius instantly cool to their freezing point.
This includes all liquids inside humans as well. - Researcher ██████
Input: Five (5) ice cubes, one (1) miniature catapult
Setting: Fine
Circumstances: Subject was told to fling the ice cube across the room using the catapult
Output: The five ice cubes were smaller and denser, however had less inertia that the originals.
Input: Five (5) ice cubes, one (1) miniature catapult
Setting: Very Fine
Circumstances: Subject was told to fling the ice cube across the room using the catapult
Output: The ice cube [DATA EXPUNGED] causing massive [DATA EXPUNGED]. Only the [DATA EXPUNGED].
Note: It seems the refining is based upon the intention of the user. Further testing may be required
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Four (4) human eyes. (Eyes retrieved from two (2) terminated D-class.)
Input: One (1) eye.
Setting: Fine.
Output: An eye similar in structure to the Mantis Shrimp. The eye was found to be capable of obseving Infrared and Ultraviolet light.
Input: One (1) eye.
Setting: Fine.
Output: An eye with an advanced optical reflective system. The eye was found to be capable of pinpointing light into a highly focused point, similar in function to a magnifying glass.
Input: One (1) eye.
Setting: 1:1.
Output: One eye identified to be that of an octopus.
Input: One (1) eye.
Setting: 1:1.
Output: A camera lens.
Name: Researcher ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: One (1) pencil, one (1) toaster, five (5) laptops with webcams, one (1) pen
Input: One (1) pencil, one (1) toaster
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) toaster branded as ███████. When bread is toasted in it, patches of light appear on the toast that resemble letters in an unknown language. When eaten, toast shows no adverse effects.
Input: One (1) laptop with webcam
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) laptop that is the same as the original, but seems soft to the touch. When booted up, a blue laser comes out the the webcam and moves as if to scan the user's forehead. The laptop then loads, with information about whoever turned it on already in the hard drive. It appears to store data via some sort of quantum entanglement. A clock on the laptop currently shows the time as 21██, and will only go back to the year 213█.
Get someone to show this to SCP-411 - Researcher ██████
Input: Four (4) laptops with webcams
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) large laptop. It has four times more memory and four times more RAM, along with other enhancements expected by merging the laptops together.
Input: One (1) pen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two devices with a combined mass identical to that of the original pen. One will stick to any human flesh, and one will stick to any paper. The effects of it are only visible when one is stuck to a person and one is stuck to paper. Then, various letters that have no identifiable pattern to them will appear on the paper. Any attempt to read out the contents of the paper fails.
Try testing it with some language based SCPs - Researcher ██████
Name: Researcher █████ with Dr. Mori assisting, three (3) D-class personnel
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Three (3) white plastic sports whistles, one (1) "Inception" DVD, one (1) plastic wind-up figure, one (1) ██████████████-brand padlock, two (2) compressed paper gift boxes
Note: The aim of these experiments is to determine whether there is a psychic component to SCP-914's operation. As such, some personnel will be unaware of details of the experiment. All parties aside from the subject conducting the experiment will remotely observe from within a control booth coated with SCP-148.
Input: One (1) sports whistle
Subject: Researcher █████
Setting: 1:1
Output: One red slide whistle.
Input: One (1) sports whistle inside blue box
Subject: D-1283 (familiar with SCP-914, unaware of contents of box)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One yellow paper gift bag containing a plastic 'noise maker' party favor.
Input: One (1) sports whistle inside red box
Subject: D-306 (unfamiliar with SCP-914, unaware of contents of box)
Setting: 1:1
Output: Output indistinguishable from input. Despite initial excitement, it was later found to have an internal composition that produced a sound significantly different than the input.
Input: "Inception" DVD, label obscured
Subject: D-306 (told disc is an audio CD)
Setting: 1:1
Output: Disc with similarly obscured label, found to be a DVD of the movie "Shutter Island".
Input: ██████████████-brand padlock (selected at random from a box of assorted small objects)
Subject: Researcher █████
Setting: 1:1
Output: ██████████████-brand combination lock.
Input: Walking wind-up toy (selected at random from a box of assorted small objects)
Subject: D-421 (clinically blind, operating SCP-914 with no prior knowledge or understanding of its controls or functions)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Doll indistinguishable from a 1/6 scale human female, save for a winding key protruding from the upper back. Capable of communication, possibly sentient; SCP status pending approval.
While previous testing has shown that SCP-914 may tailor output based on the qualities of the subject currently using it, there seems to be no correlation between the user's knowledge of the input to the properties of the output. Further testing to determine how well SCP-914 interprets the function of input objects is recommended. -Dr. Mori
Name: Agent W█████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Three (3) full-color printouts of an image of Bobble the Clown from SCP-993. Bobble is cheerful and smiling.
Input: One (1) image of Bobble the Clown
Setting: 1:1
Output: One image of Bobble the Clown, angrily glaring.
Input: One (1) image of Bobble the Clown
Setting: Fine
Output: One image of Bobble the Clown, cheerful and smiling. Bobble's eyes are gouged out, and his mouth is full of multiple rows of needle-like teeth. Five seconds after being removed from the output booth the image animated, with the mouth opening up impossibly wide before vomiting forth [DATA EXPUNGED].
Holy [EXPLETIVE], I nearly [EXPLETIVE] a brick. - Agent W█████
Input: One (1) image of Bobble the Clown
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small origami representation of Bobble the Clown. Immediately upon opening the output booth the origami clown began shouting obscenity laden imprecations against the Foundation and leapt at Agent W█████. In the process of removing the clown from his person the agent suffered numerous scratches and a tiny bite wound. After being captured the clown was destroyed via incineration.
That little [EXPLETIVE]!! - Agent W█████
Name: Dr. Garcia and Dr. Patel
Date: ██/██/2011
Total Items: Five glasses, each containing 0.3 liters of red grape wine (see notes below).
Input: One glass of red grape wine
Setting: Coarse
Output: One glass, containing a viscous, dark-colored, fluid smelling strongly of hydrogen sulfide, with a layer of flaming ethyl alcohol on top.
Input: One glass of red grape wine
Setting: Rough
Output: One glass, containing red grape wine which a trained sommelier identified as being an inferior vintage
Input: One glass of consecrated red grape wine that had been transubstantiated by a Roman Catholic priest
Setting: 1:1
Output: One glass containing labrusca grape wine which, upon analysis, proved to be identical to commercially-available Manishewitz-brand kosher wine
Input: One glass of consecrated red grape wine that had been transubstantiated by a Roman Catholic priest
Setting: Fine
Output: One glass of grape wine. Dr. Patel consumed same, following which he sought and obtained baptism as a Roman Catholic. Dr. Patel subsequently announced his intent to resign his position with the Foundation and matriculate into a seminary to seek holy orders.
Input: One glass of consecrated red grape wine that had been transubstantiated by a Roman Catholic priest
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One olive-wood cup containing human blood, with trace residue of red grape wine and an aromatic resin tentatively identified as myrrh.
Name: Dr. Neiman, Dr. █████ observing
Date: ██/██/20██
Items tested: 10 logs of pine wood, of random weights between 2 and 5 kg.
Note: I had to find something to do with these. —Dr. Neiman
Input: 1 pine log, weight 3 kg.
Setting: Rough
Output: 3 kg pinewood fragments, scorched around the edges.
Input: 1 pine log, weight 4.5 kg.
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 pine log, 4.5 kg, infested with live carpenter ants. Sample incinerated.
Gross. A couple of them actually got into my shirt. —Dr. Neiman
Input: 1 pine log, weight 2 kg.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 2 kg heap of wood fibers.
Input: 1 pine log, weight 3.5 kg.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 hollow tube of bark, 3 hollow tubes of wood of decreasing diameters, 1 wooden rod. Believed to be the separate layers of wood in the sample.
Input: 1 pine log, weight 5 kg.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 length of bamboo, weight 5 kg
Input: 1 pine log, weight 3 kg.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 sheet of 4-layer pine plywood, weight 3 kg.
Interesting. I would have expected to get that on Fine. —Dr. Neiman
Input: 1 pine log, weight 2.5 kg.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 pine log, weight 2.5 kg, growth rings rearranged into a [DATA EXPUNGED].
Input: 1 pine log, weight 4 kg.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 puzzle sculpture made of 87 interlocking pinewood shapes. Donated to site break room.
Input: 1 pine log, weight 5 kg.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 SCP-143 log, weight 5 kg
Input: 1 pine log, weight 2 kg.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 healthy pine sapling. Sample had fully developed roots, but no soil was found.
Name: Dr. Hale
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: Five (5) plastic-capped Aladine-brand inkwells with metallic-red ink, five (5) quill pens of identical make and model, five (5) blank leather-bound notebooks with 'Diary' in gilt lettering across the front
Input: One (1) inkwell filled with metallic-red ink
Setting: Rough
Output: Small pile of glass and twisted plastic, soaked in metallic-red ink
Input: One (1) inkwell filled with metallic-red ink
Setting: Coarse
Output: The aforementioned input, neatly severed in two halves. The ink was observed in a congealed semisolid state before the results were disposed of
Input: One (1) inkwell filled with metallic-red ink
Setting: 1:1
Output: One inkwell filled with neon-pink ink
Ow. That shade just hurts my eyes. -Dr. Hale
Input: One (1) inkwell filled with metallic-red ink
Setting: Fine
Output: A physically-identical output, whose ink maintains a consistent metallic appearance despite time and observation
Input: One (1) inkwell filled with metallic-red ink
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A glass-and-plastic sculpture in the form of the cursive word 'Aubergine,' filled with metallic-red ink
Input: A metal-tipped dark-green quill pen
Setting: Rough
Output: A metal ball-bearing and a burnt feather
Input: A metal-tipped dark-green quill pen
Setting: Coarse
Output: The separate components of the pen (inkwell, sleeve, and feather)
Input: A metal-tipped dark-green quill pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: A natural-tipped bright pink quill pen
I hate pink so very much. -Dr. Hale
Input: A metal-tipped dark-green quill pen
Setting: Fine
Output: A gold-sleeved metal-tipped white quill pen, with silver filigree worked into the quill sleeve. The feather was observed to be 7 cm shorter than the input
Input: A metal-tipped dark-green quill pen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An acid-green quill pen that, if licked, will write without mechanical input anything said by the person who originally licked the nub.
Input: A blank leather-bound diary
Setting: Rough
Output: Ash
Input: A blank leather-bound diary
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small pile of confetti and strips of leather
Input: A blank leather-bound diary
Setting: 1:1
Output: A blank leather-bound diary, with the cover now bright pink. Tests show that the cover glows in the absence of light.
I'm tempted to stop now. In all seriousness, I think this machine hates me. -Dr. Hale
Input: A blank leather-bound diary
Setting: Fine
Output: An origami model of a human brain balanced atop a layered leather sculpture of a fountain pen
Input: A blank leather-bound diary
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A featureless black book that, when held open to a blank page, speaks the holder's thoughts in a loud, clearly-audible voice
You know what? Let's just see what happens. -Dr. Hale
Input: The results of all above tests
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large glass sculpture of a human brain, perched atop a leather-supported paper frame, with the word 'honesty' etched across the surface in seventy-four different languages. The sculpture contained the contents of the ink vials, turned dark pink. The object was broken against the wall by Dr. Hale after removal from the output chamber.
I hate [EXPLETIVES REDACTED] pink! -Dr. Hale
Note: Dr. Hale is hereby barred from further testing with SCP-914 while drunk, sleep-deprived, or in his own words "hopped up on sugar." -O5-12
Name: Dr. Grunn, Dr. █████ observing
Date: ██/█/████
Total items: Six (6) 1'x1x1'' cubes of pine wood, all from the same tree.
Note: There seems to be a odd correlation between the person putting items in, and what comes out. Working on the theory that 914 is some kind of massive, over-elaborate toy, I will attempt to alter the output by verbally requesting items before starting the device.
Input: One (1) 1'x1x1'' pine wood block
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden ball."
Output: A wooden cylinder with identical mass of the input.
Note: Partial credit? it was round, at least…
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden pyramid"
Output: 8'x8' sheet of paper-thin pine, cut and carved in a fractal pattern involving curves and pointed shapes
Note: Ok, so a little out of left field…maybe geometry is confusing…
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a set of blocks"
Output: Sawdust. Microscopic examination shows each sawdust particle is a perfect cube. Held for further research
Note: While somewhat extreme, this was actually a legitimate reply to my request.
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden sculpture of a bird"
Output: A wooden box of identical dimensions to the input. Opening the box revealed a smaller box, and so on. 27 boxes found, in total.
Note: Maybe it's getting bored.
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden clock"
Output: Small mass of finely tuned wooden clockworks. Observation shows that the device, if properly secured in an appropriate housing, tracks the movement of all the major bodies of the solar system. Device needs to be wound daily, and automatically corrects itself when tracking wanders due to slow down or tampering. Held for further research.
Note: Maybe it has a odd sense of time… or is messing with me. I find myself less able to debate the sentience argument, the more I work with it.
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block and Dr. Grunn's keys. (note: keys were found to have accidentally fallen in to the Input chamber without Dr. Grunn's notice.)
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden nutcracker."
Output: What appears to be a solid wood block, slightly larger then the input block. Testing has show the block to be composed of hundreds of smaller pieces, inter-linked and nearly seamless to the naked eye. The center of the block appears to be holding Dr. Grunn's keys.
Note: To hell with this. That thing is sentient, and it's a cock. I'm going to have to have to forward this thing to cryptography or something, i can't even find a place to start, and I'm not allowed to just smash it, apparently. Goddammit.
Name: Dr. Neiman, Dr. █████ observing
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: One (1) 1'x1'x1' cube of pine wood.
Note: Dr. Neiman had recently heard a secondhand account of previous experiment.
Input: One (1) 1'x1'x1' pine wood block.
Setting: 1:1, while verbally stating "I would like a wooden clock".
Output: Small mass of finely tuned wooden clockworks. One face of the device is encircled by a wooden hoop with eighteen (18) irregularly spaced notches on the inner rim. Seven (7) small gears made of very light-colored wood wander through the encircled face, periodically touching the marked points on the hoop. Device needs to be wound daily, and automatically corrects itself when timing wanders due to slow down or tampering. Dr. Neiman claimed it for an office decoration.
Note: I think the trick is to enjoy whatever it gives you. Maybe that's even the point of the device. —Dr. Neiman
Name: Dr. N. F█████ with Dr. L. P███████ observing.
Date: 30/MAR/2011
Total items: 1x 1:1 replica of SCP-316, an aged, bronze carbide lamp.
Input: 1x replica lamp
Setting: Very Fine, while verbally stating "I want a lamp as good as my other one."
Output: 1x brand-new, copper butane camping lantern. Dr. F█████, in the process of lighting the lamp to ensure functionality, has exposed the observation room, including Dr. P███████, two researchers and one member of the security team despite the mirrored filter in place in following with SCP-316's containment procedures, to the light of the lamp, at which time all members of staff besides Dr. F█████ promptly vanished. They have not been recovered. Output has been scheduled for D-class testing to determine if a rescue attempt can be mounted.
Name: Dr. Collins
Date: 1/24/08
Total Items: One (1) piece of 8.5' by 11' unlined copy paper upon which the rules for the children's game "Rock, Paper, Scissors" are typed.
Input: One (1) set of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" rules.
Setting: Very Fine.
Output: A 4' by 4' piece of noticeably thicker paper. Text is inscribed in a spiral , starting at the outside edge and moving inwards, in a language that was eventually discovered to be Dutch. When translated, it was a more concise version of the printed text. Also, when brought within five (5) meters of a stone, mineral, or metal object with a surface area equal or less than the paper's, it will move to envelop and subsequently crush the material. This property was discovered upon the output sensing Researcher Adams' jade ring. Soon thereafter, the ring and finger were reduced to a fine powder. Output incinerated to prevent harm to components of SCP-914.
Name: Dr. ████████████ with Dr. ██████ assisting.
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x standard SCP employee identification badge, filled with appropriate information about a fictional "John Doe," registered with level-1 clearance.
Input: 1x employee identification badge for each test.
Setting: Rough
Output: A small mound of melted plastic.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of small plastic pellets, fractions of words and pictures still visible on pellet surfaces.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Employee identification badge for "Mary Stu." Upon scanning into the security system, it was revealed that the card had level 2 clearance.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, mostly black card, thicker and of smaller area than the ID badge. Upon being tapped, displays comprehensive information about "John Doe" in the form of a hologram the size of 8.5 by 11 inch paper. Given the nonsensical and jumbled nature of the information (including a US social security card and a driver's licence registration in the nation of South Africa, dated 2 years after the reported birthday), it is the opinion of Dr. ████████████ that this information likely does not correspond to any actual person.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small black card, similar to the first one, that displays comprehensive identification information about whoever touches it in the form of a hologram the size of a standard 8.5 by 11 inch paper. This information has been seen to include name, picture, voice and DNA sequence, social security number, all current and past security clearances, all questionable actions ever taken by the person in question (tested on several D-class, leading to one immediate termination due to newly revealed information disqualifying the subject from access to SCPs) Object also revealed comprehensive physical and mental information on the subject, apparently performing a complete psychoanalysis. It also displayed information on family members and friends, and information stating where the subject's loyalties lie, who he respects, who he fears, etc. The object was classified SCP-████ "safe" and now serves as Dr. ████████████'s identification badge. He is required to keep it on his person at all times, and is not to be assigned to any sentient SCPs unless the object is destroyed.
Name: Dr. Jin
Date: █/█/20██
Total items: 4x standard 2 GB USB flash drives containing a program that displays the text, "Hello World!" in a pop-up window.
Input: 1x flash drive inserted for each test.
Setting: Rough
Output: A flat sheet of metal, a small pile of silica, and pieces of melted plastic.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small circuit board, roughly the same size as the flash drive, and a plastic casing.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) USB flash drive. Upon running the program, the message read "Good morning to Earth!"
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) USB flash drive. When running the program, a message box displays the same message, but in a different language correlating with any country that had the current time as 5 PM.
Name: Dr. Willis
Date: █/█/20██
Total items: 5x copies of video game "Super Mario Bros", for NES gaming system.
Input: 1x copy of game inserted for each test.
Setting: Rough
Output: Several chunks of gray plastic, metal, silicon, and other materials used in the cartridge.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Piles of separated cartridge materials, such as metal "teeth", circuit boards, and the plastic casing.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1x copy of video game "The Legend of Zelda", for NES gaming system.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x copy of video game "New Super Mario Bros Wii", for Wii gaming system.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1x copy of video game "Return of Mario U-2", for Wii-U-2 gaming system. No such game or gaming system exists as of █/█/20██.
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