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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: The building containing SCP-XXXX has been acquired by Foundation assets. All entrances into SCP-XXXX are to be padlocked, and a sign stating "WE'RE CLOSED" is to be hung on the front door. These containment procedures have proven effective due to SCP-XXXX's benign nature, therefore no further containment measures are to be put into place.

Following the neutralization of SCP-XXXX, these containment procedures are to continue to prevent unauthorized access. Personnel with Level 4/XXXX clearance may request access to the interior of SCP-XXXX.

Description (Obsolete): SCP-XXXX is a building located in Monroe, Louisiana. Signage indicates that SCP-XXXX is named "dado borger and france fry," created by "dado."1 All municipal records indicate that SCP-XXXX is a non-anomalous Burger King owned by one "dado c. dado".

The interior of SCP-XXXX is atypical for a restaurant of its kind. There is no furniture save for a counter to order at, and the floor, walls, and ceiling are all rainbow-colored. There is a menu mounted on the back wall, although the only item is "dado borger" listed enough times to cover the entire menu.

A microphone and speaker on the counter allows patrons to communicate with an entity, presumably dado, in order to ask for a "dado borger." Once the patron puts 2.99 USD or equivalent2 onto the counter, the currency will disappear and be replaced with a receipt for a "dado burger," alongside change.

72 hours prior to their visit to SCP-XXXX, the patron will inevitably encounter SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1 is a medium-rare cheeseburger with toppings lettuce, tomato, cheese made from goat milk, mustard, and a wheat-based bun, often with a side of french fries3. The words "dado burger" are burned into the top of SCP-XXXX-1's patty. Modes of encountering SCP-XXXX-1 vary from person to person, but common scenarios include:

  • Finding SCP-XXXX-1 in their ovens, microwaves, or air conditioning units at home or at their place of work.
  • Discovering SCP-XXXX-1 in a dumpster or other trash storage unit.
  • Having a friend or relative offer them SCP-XXXX-1 free of charge.
  • Opening food packaging in order to eat another type of food, but instead finding SCP-XXXX-1 wrapped inside of the packaging instead.

The secondary anomalous property of SCP-XXXX-1 manifests when the subject that ordered it either comes within 10 meters of it, or makes visual contact. The patty of SCP-XXXX-1 will instantly accelerate to a speed between 15 and 70 kilometers per hour, in the direction of the subject's mouth. In several instances, SCP-XXXX-1 has caused choking, concussions, or damage to the lower skull.

The subject will inevitably visit SCP-XXXX within 72 hours of receiving SCP-XXXX-1. Even subjects who are deceased will visit SCP-XXXX; this is often the result of incorrect instructions given to ambulance drivers.

In addition, there is a series of gas pumps built near SCP-XXXX labeled as "vroom juice by dado" that is a non-anomalous gas station.

Additional Notes: Initial activity from SCP-XXXX was suspected after the following text was recorded in an advertisement hosted on AdSense’s advertisement database/

hello future dado customer,

would you like borger and france fry better than that of leo da vinsi?

then go to dado borger and france fry in town of monrow, very good borger for afordable dado prices and also new up to date deliver system

Searches for anomalous activity in Monroe, Louisiana revealed the presence of SCP-XXXX.

Testing Log XXXX/05

A member of D-Class personnel, D-34832, was deployed into SCP-XXXX with a small amount of money to ascertain its anomalous properties.

<Begin Log>

<Body camera attached to D-34832 activates, showing the interior of SCP-XXXX. Interior matches descriptions as seen through the windows of SCP-XXXX. Several posters can be seen on the wall advertising other "dado" products, such as "dado energy juice" and "dado instant laxitive".>

<D-34832 approaches the counter. A voice matching that of the voice over the intercom inside of SCP-4525 greets D-34832.>

Greeter: Hello, yes, welcome to dado borger and france fry (sic). I am dado, superstar entrepreneur and pharmacist of produce great products. What of food will you eat?

D-34832: Uhhh… what are my options?

dado: You see, we have dado borger and france fry, excellent choice for borger amateurs and enthusiasts alike. Alternative, you could have dado borger and france fry, more economic option for the no penny consumer.

D-34832: Is there anything else? Can I get a salad, or something?

dado: Unfortunately dado salad bar has relocated to dado vegan emporium and mary-juana (sic) growing plant in vegas4, but can offer you tender and delicious dado borger and france fry.

D-34832: …okay, I guess I'll have that.

dado: That will be three dollar plus negative one cents.

<D-34832 takes out three one-dollar bills, and with instruction from dado, places them on the counter. The dollars demanifest over the course of five seconds, are are replaced with a penny5 and a receipt, consisting of a napkin with the words "one dado borger and france fry for $3.-01.>

dado: Thank you very much for shopping at dado borger and france fry, please come again and also visit dado fish store and brothel, feat (sic) complimentary loafers.

D-34832: Hey, where's my burger?

dado: Please be reverse-patient, burger already delivered with high precision dado delivery system in negative 72 hours.

D-34832: What do you even mean?

dado: dado beat out competition by give dado borger and france fry before other competitors by deliver burger faster. No more fast than in the past. You already trust dado.

<Speakers shut off and show no further response to question. D-34832 left SCP-XXXX and made a comment about how he was "ripped off.">

<End Log>

Earlier that day, D-34832 reported a patty originating from the automated food delivery system colliding suddenly with his face, causing a headache. The instance of SCP-XXXX-1 was traced back to Culinary Specialist Sam, who asserted that they had received a special order from O5-3 to make the burger for D-34832. Investigation of Mr. Sam's terminal revealed this email to be an obvious forgery, and Mr. Sam was reprimanded for this incident.

Because of this incident, D-34832 was originally selected for testing with SCP-XXXX.

Neutralization

SCP-XXXX was declared Neutralized in the wake of Incident DADO/FINAL, as all of its anomalous properties has ceased. See the updated Description for up-to-date documentation of SCP-XXXX's current state.

Incident Report DADO/FINAL Excerpt:

INCIDENT REPORT


Incident Identifier: Incident DADO/FINAL

Incident Date: 2018/11/17

Incident Summary: On 2018/11/17, Site Director Aktus, the HMCL supervisor for SCP-4525 and SCP-3929, reported receiving a phone call from Person of Interest dado, transcribed below:

<Begin Log>

Site Director Aktus: Hello?

dado: Hello, this is dado, owner of fine dado business such as laundry and tan.

Site Director Aktus: How did you get this number?

dado: Just wanted to tell you that dado encounter technical difficulty due to large amount of bird and is now doing going out of business sale, and wants to know if you are of coming to going out of business sale.

Site Director Aktus: Why are you contacting me?

dado: Because you were there for dado when no one else did, buying dado product and going to new dado enterprises. <Pause.> Will you come?

Site Director Aktus: No, I won't come.

<Pause.>

dado: Oh, okay. <Pause.> If you change mind please contact 1-800-iam-dado for more info.

<End Log>

Five minutes after the conclusion of this call, all anomalous artifacts associated with dado suddenly lost their anomalous properties. For example, all pharmaceutical artifacts did not function as they did previously, and mostly consisted of sugar pills, and SCP-888-EX's signage and advertising suddenly changed "dado laundry and tan" to "Dad's Laundry and Tanning Services."


burgerking.jpg

SCP-XXXX.

Description (Updated): SCP-XXXX is a dilapidated Burger King restaurant and Shell gas station, located in Monroe, Louisiana. The interior of SCP-XXXX is consistent with Burger King franchise restaurants built in 2003. No municipal records of SCP-XXXX prior to Incident DADO/FINAL can be located.

SCP-XXXX used to be a restaurant named "dado borger and france fry," and had the anomalous property of being able to spontaneously manifest cheeseburgers. However, these anomalous properties have ceased following Incident DADO/FINAL.

Additional Notes: A basement has been discovered underneath SCP-XXXX, containing several items and documents of note. Personnel with Level 4/XXXX clearance may consult Document SCP-XXXX-Recovered Materials for more information.

Recovered Materials

During an investigation of SCP-XXXX, Agent Bruno noticed that one of the booth chairs could be moved aside to reveal a staircase into a previously undiscovered basement room, apparently functioning as an air-conditioned warehouse. The contents of the basement were as follows:

  • A total of 80 wooden crates, containing raw hamburger patties, lettuce, goat cheese blocks, tomatoes, and wheat buns.
  • Three gas stoves, showing signs of consistent use.
  • Seven skillets, showing signs of consistent use.
  • Several mirrors of varying size and model. All but one were shattered.
  • A microphone headset with an AA battery in it. Brand could not be identified.
  • A rolled up poster, advertising "hare club for kids by dado".
  • A computer attached to a monitor. The monitor constantly displayed a green progress bar, continuously displaying 0%. Computer OS identified as Windows XP.
  • An instance of SCP-███. Object was found lying on the ground with a bright red hue. When touched by Agent Bruno, object assumed a violet hue.
  • A Glock-20 pistol, showing signs of use.
  • A safe. Locksmith identified combination as "1968". A notebook was found inside.

In addition, personnel have reported that the interior of the basement to have the smell of hamburgers and Freon.


Transcript of Recovered Notebook:

note to keep me on track: universal constants

THESE CAN NEVER CHANGE - if change, possible breakdown? loss of sale?

speed of light - should be around 300,000,000 m/s, deviation of up to 2,000,000 m/s undesirable but acceptable. large enough deviation can result in amazon prime being too slow

planck's/newton's/kiryu's/etc's constant - 6.626070150 x 10^-34 J⋅s, any deviation above 10^-37 J⋅s risky. large enough deviation = too much space between atoms, amazon prime impossible

number of planets in average solar system - 9 ± 3, number in Earth's system must be exacty 9. if changed, cannot get initial capital from funding from bank of pluto

diameter of sun - 140,000,000 km, more or less. too large/small = more unwanted entities from outer space = too much competition for pharmaceutical products

complete fall of the Roman/Byzantine/Holiest empire - within 1500 years after death of Ben/Jesus/other messiah. too large deviation = susceptible to invasion from false deities and/or no capitalism for lack of dado businesses

dado fine businesses - must exist and be in action between 1980 and 2020. cessation of activity = invasion of birds/wolves/other multidimensional threats. they dont like dado after dado stop being dado. <-- DONT FORGET THIS ONE VERY IMPORTANT

scp foundation - eliminate by 2025, earlier if possible. too long of a wait = no revolution = no release = no capital for dado spaceship rental and plutonium recycling center

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