Eskobar

Halloweencon probably-never-gonna-happen tale


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  • FUCKIN' LEARN HOW TO DO DIV BOXES, I GUESS
  • FUCKIN' LEARN HOW TO DO WHATEVER OTHER GOOFY TECHNICAL SHIT I NEED TO MAKE AN ALEXYLVA HUB 'CAUSE THESE FUCKIN' REPROBATES DON'T GIVE A TOOT ABOUT THE PUNIC WARS
  • probably develop a useful and helpful personality for the benefit of others
  • that might wait
  • WOOO WE'RE BACK OKAY AUTHOR PAGE IS BULLSHIT, PROBABLY REDO THAT
  • * ANGELFIRE THEME? YOU BET YOUR BULLBALLS
  • WRITE OTHER SHIT
  • BECOME GOD
  • RETIRE
  • FISH

IDEAS OF THE NEW AGE:

1. J. Bennett Patterson, motivational speaker. Go back to the earth.
2. John Deere 955 tractor, mansplained by an elderly redneck (SCP-955-EX-FEM)
3. More technetium! (Ionized Tc-97)
4. Sequel to Wayward Prince, 2998 (Three Arrows)
5. [Sumerian? Mississippian?] binary carved computer virus
6. Dialogue Guide: an unbelievably shitty conversation that becomes progressively less shitty
7. Rewrite of the Expungement Guide
8. Creation of an Alexylva hub (probably needs to be first)
9. SCP-4321: Currency Plague (from Happy Ending)
10. Perpetual divorce: they can never separate, they keep producing children, they never talk about it. The Things Not Said.
11. OKAY DUDE IT'S LIKE THIS

  • WU-TANG CONVERTS TO FIFTHISM AND RESURRECTS ODB
  • FOUNDATION CONTAINS WU-TANG EXCEPT CAPPADONNA BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER
  • BUT ODB IS UNCONTAINABLE BECAUSE HE LACKS PHYSICAL FORM
  • FOUNDATION AND ORIA COMBINE TO USE AN AMERICAN DJINN HOUSE TO BRING KENNY DENNIS AND THA GRIMM TEACHAZ INTO MAINLINE REALITY
  • THEY MUST COMBINE THEIR POWERS TO KILL ODB'S GHOST

12. ORIA documenting a WMD to destroy the world (not the first one! make that clear!) using SCP-2747
13. An SCP that exists to create enigmas for the purpose of distracting researchers from researching something else
14. SCP/ORIA joint where a rogue djinn inhabits a group of (terrorists or immigrants) from the Middle East and starts wreaking havoc — SCP needs ORIA to come get rid of it, ORIA agent who comes to pick him up is the djinn's DAD OH MY GOD TOUCHING MOMENT HERE GET THE KLEENEX
15. Mechano! Grump mechanic garden gnome (?). Fixes everything nearby. Contained by being provided with a regular supply of things to fix. Writing his personality will be key. He's an overworked Southern farmer grandpa who thinks he's smarter than you and will teach everyone nearby what's wrong with this here starter, nahw.
16. Jenny Everywhere's revenge. Start as an SCP laying out the implications of pataphysical human trafficking. "they gave my rights away, spread me around for anyone to use, I was forced into porn, etc." Leads to an MZL tale where Fred is killed, very, very dead. Collaborative tale. Lots of references to readers and writers.
17. Voiceless Donut: A donut that makes the reader think all donuts are capable of speech, but this one is weird, because it can't.



There is only the new age. There is no old age.

We Will Critique It For You Wholesale. Also available in 2013 flavor.

I'll tell you what happened, but I can't say it directly.

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