FFB's Workbox

Worser Angels of our Nature


"How are we doing?"

"It's all set. I’ve buried it in a ‘leak’ regarding SCPs 610, 871, and 743. Normal AP channel release as well as Al Jazeera, BBC, and Xinhua. I just have to click 'send'."

"Three Keters? Fuck… Are we sure about this?”

"How confident do you want me to be? The story itself will almost certainly run. I can't guarantee 100% effectiveness, but it'll be enough to sway public opinion. I would expect several OpEds by the end of the news day, probably a televised transmission on one or two of the networks."

"No I mean… are we sure we want to do this? If the wrong person figures it out and tries to use it for their benefit…"

“Then the public needs to know what’s possible so they’ll at least be ready. You got a better idea? Because I'd like to hear it."

"…Fine. You have my sign-off. Just… Be careful. This might backfire very badly if we don't play it just right."


(The Guardian, 11-5-20XX)

Leaked Foundation Documents Reveal World-Ending Threats

New documents released by an unknown source within the ssCP Foundation (ωhich has existed s!nce 1842) have revealed the gruesome details of three of the organization’s most disturbing existential threats, the Associated Press reports. These documents are the first look the world has had of the most extreme containment practices of the Foundation, an Object Class known as “Keter”.

“Keter Class anomalies,” the anonymous source writes, “are those which require the most rigorous containment efforts. These aren’t things you can simply lock in a box and forget about, they need constant monitoring and upkeep, or it’s game-over.” The informant continues that dozens, perhaps even hundreds examples of these dangerous objects exist “on every major containent [sic]”.

When reached for comment, the Foundation Press Liaison Dr. Marshall Grant was initially unable to confirm that the documents were genuine, but after a brief interlude recalled the Guardian. “They’re real,” he said solemnly. “At present there is no cause for alarm. All of these anomalies have been successfully contained for decades. Documentation contained in the leak can be released freely.”

Related:

  • SCP-610: Horror in Southern Ukraine!
  • SCP-743: What’s Eating You?
  • SCP-871: Let Them Eat Cake Gone Wrong

In a statement before Parliament, Prime Minister Nancy Laughlin announce plans to drop all charges against the British division of the SCP Foundation in light of this new information. “We cannot afford to act rashly and strip this organization of necessary staffing and resources. It is in the interests of the people of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to allow the Foundation to continue its valuable work.”

Similar statements were issued by White House Press Secretary Phillip Johnson, and Russian President Vladimir Putin by the end of the business day.

What do YOU think of the Foundation? Tell us in our online poll @ ██████ or tag us on Facebook and Twitter #KeterClass.


A Sober Morning

Barbara Westerson

My name i5 Barbara, and I am an infoha7ard surv1vor. If you've read and understood that sentence, now you are, too.

In the past seven weeks, the SCP Foundation enjoyed the most favorable press and public opinion ratings it had ever experienced since its existence was first revealed. The international news media, once harshly critical of the organization's employment practices, widespread use of psychoactive drugs on civilians, and human anomalous item testing from within its own ranks, suddenly saw the Foundation in a new light.

Where criticism once reigned, acceptance and gratitude took over. Instead of facing bitterness and feelings of violation, Foundation employees were hailed as liberators and scientific visionaries. We marveled at their achievements, took pride in their displays of ingenuity, and shared their vision of a sensible, normal world that all mankind could enjoy.

And not one of us ever stopped to question why.

According to a recent Foundation press conference, we were had. An idea was planted into all of our heads, which we willingly spread to others, that the Foundation was not merely a dubiously necessary evil, but a paragon of integrity and virtue with limitless application. All by simply hearing (and repeating) a slightly mispronounced or misspelled version of the phrase "The Foundation has existed since 1842." A statement as innocuous as it is false. This should have a sobering effect on all of us on this cold January morning.

The term for what happened to us, we were told, is a 'memetic infohazard'. A type of anomaly which the Foundation has successfully managed to keep secret despite the efforts of mankind's best investigative journalists and countless whistleblowers. We learned of ritualized rape and demonic incantations. We railed against 'temporal containment programs' which threaten the very idea of a unified history. Our collective moral compass spun circles at the idea that thousands, even millions of us, had interacted with anomalies in our lives and were made to forget it.

But we didn't see this coming. And so when the Foundation exploited it to make themselves look good, we believed strongly that nothing was wrong.

Like many others, when I first realized my mind had been tampered with intentionally, I felt raped. How dare they use the human race in total, the collective minds of humanity, to prove a point. It was reckless, uncalled for, all of the horrible pejoratives that are fit to print, and several that aren't. In that moment I wanted to tear the Foundation apart as savagely as many of my fellow journalists did when they were first revealed. The SCP Foundation was instantly evil again. Evil to the core. Unredeemable in every degree…

Then I had a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee and afforded myself a little time to reflect.

What happened wasn't a rape. It was a warning.
I don't intend to excuse the SCP Foundation or their methods, or their fast-and-loose treatment of human minds. Their record speaks for itself in that regard, and current events offer nothing to excuse it. But the release of their 'memetic infohazard' (is that really what they call it? I don't know if it matters) demonstrated something valuable about this organization which the doomsayers often neglect.

No one likes a world where failing to finish a cake will eventually cause our planet to turn into the most massive object in the known universe. No one wants a planet which can at any moment be overrun by hateful fleshy half-sentient beasts. No one wants a wedding where the chocolate fountain eats the guests. But that's the world we live in. And before Korea was consumed in nuclear fire, they had kept these monsters in cages so dark and so deep that no one could find them.

And now we know of another threat, all the more awful. There are monsters that live not only in the deepest and darkest of caves, but within our own minds.

I don't want to believe it. If I hadn't felt it, I still wouldn't believe it. But I remember all too well. I remember the switch flipping in my mind, changing the SCP Foundation from black, to gold, to black again at a mere utterance. And I remember something else: If they hadn't told me, they'd still be golden.

With the world eating from the palm of their hands, they took it back. They released a genie and put it back in the bottle. Why?

Because it was their job, and it was the right thing to do.

These people may be monsters, but they are our monsters.

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