The Wish

SETTING: JERRY'S APARTMENT; JERRY, KRAMER and GEORGE walk in as they are talking

GEORGE: …and did you know what she said? She said that she would rather date a axe murderer than see me again.

(GEORGE and KRAMER sit as JERRY looks for something in a closet)

JERRY: Well you threw spare change in her mother's face when she approached you and you told her to shoo.

GEORGE: She had a ridiculous hat! I thought she was one of those crazy old ladies. Even if it was her mother, I treated Edith well! I thought women like charitable men! How was I supposed to know that it was her mom?

JERRY: (incredulously, looking at George sideways) You also dragged Edith's little brother out by the ear when he came in the restaurant. (JERRY walks around and rummages in the living room looking for something)

GEORGE: How am I supposed to know that the annoying kid that makes fun of me for the pas few weeks was her brother? Every time I see this kid, he throws spitwads and tries to stick his gum on my pants. I thought if I exert my dominance in front of her she would like it.

KRAMER: I think kids should not be allowed inside stores. Aren't children supposed to be in school all the time?

GEORGE: Enough of her. I have already decided I will not speak about her again! (slight pause) Kramer, you said you found something magical.

KRAMER: This morning when I woke up, I feel amazing.

(JERRY scratches his head and heads to his bedroom)

JERRY: (calls out from bedroom) That's it? You had a good sleep?

KRAMER: No, you don't understand, it was… I don't know, you ever have those days when you wake up and you feel like everything will go your way?

GEORGE: I hate waking up, I would sleep forever if I can, but my bed is terrible and I'm pretty sure one of the springs will pop and come right up in my back.

KRAMER: You know what I mean, I mean, I just feel extra amazing, like I'm usually pretty amazing, but today is special. Plus that is not my point, there's even stranger stuff.

GEORGE: You make zero sense.

KRAMER: Ok, so, you know about that model you accidentally got a date with a few weeks ago?

GEORGE: The French one that I took to Isabella's?

JERRY: (leaves bedroom, scratches head) Yeah! I remember that! George (enters another room)

KRAMER: Yeah, that one, and I was just thinking about her this morning. I was just thinking about her, how she's so perfect, the right amount of mystique, and in the shower I said I wish she was here, and she showed up.

GEORGE: What? You two kept in touch?

KRAMER: No, I haven't seen her since you tried to convince her that your other car is an "Pomodoro" on your second date.

GEORGE: Hey, it's not my fault that I don't know any French. These models love their fancy cars.

KRAMER: Well, she certainly wasn't impressed. Anyways, no, I was not seeing her. She just appeared in my shower and she was asleep.

GEORGE: What?

JERRY: (pokes head out of room) Stop interrupting Kramer and left him finish, George. (resumes looking)

KRAMER: Well, not for long. She screamed and I tried to calm her down, but she got out of the apartment and ran out on the street.

GEORGE: Was she naked?

JERRY: (walks back into living room) George! Just let Kramer finish his story! (scratches head) Has any of you seen a red and silver lapel pin?

GEORGE: A lapel pin?

JERRY: Yes.

GEORGE: Since when are you so fancy?

JERRY: A very special lady is coming to my show tonight and specifically asked me to wear it.

(GEORGE begins to ask about the SPECIAL LADY but KRAMER cuts him off)

KRAMER: She was wearing something I think, but didn't chase after her because I don't want to be seen chasing a hyste

Kramer comes across a discarded coffee maker that dispense anything. He quickly turns this into a get-rich-quick scheme, selling soup in truck next to the Soup Nazi shop. The Soup Nazi finds something afoul and tries to get these machines banned.

Elaine meets a handsome lawmaker in a coffee shop.

Kramer wakes up one day and discovers that he is a reality bender. He tells George about it, and tries to help George but ends up turning him into a giant tortoise the size of a city block in the middle of Central Park because George said that he wants to be famous and live forever. Kramer wishes that he had not done that and George returns to his apartment, unaware of what had happened.

Jerry tries to tell everyone about Kramer but everyone thinks it's a clever ruse to promote his new comedy routine. Jerry hides from Kramer in fear that Kramer would turn him into something horrifying as well. Kramer is unaware of Jerry's fear and tries to find Jerry to help him become more popular among audiences. Jerry shuts himself in his apartment and does not leave the house, not even for his shows. Kramer goes to the comedy club to find him, and upon arriving and finding out that Jerry is still hiding, Kramer wishes to himself that Jerry would stop hiding himself and stop thinking so much. Jerry materializes in the middle of the club naked and unconscious. Because of the unusual circumstances, Jerry is taken in by men in white coats for future study and is never seen again. Kramer goes to sleep and wakes up normal again, unaware that in his dreams he had killed everyone in Cuba.

Elaine finds that all the coffee beans in the city comes from a single giant coffee tree in Indonesia.

Jack looked at his watch. It's 3:30. The session would start soon. He looked around the circle. There was a startled looking man, an angry-looking woman, and a fat black guy. A guy with greyish skin slumped in his seat with his head down.

What a bunch of losers, Jack thought. Jack looked at Darkblade, who has been silently meditating next to him. Darkblade opened his eyes, and gave Jack a look. Jack spoke into the microphone he had been holding for the last hour.

"Uh, so, yeah, welcome everyone. I'm Jack, King of Everything, Duke of Awesome, Baron of Epicness, etc. This is Darkblade, and, uh, welcome to the first SCP-J support group thing. So, erm, basically, Darkblade thinks that, um, you guys need help and stuff. Darkblade will explain."

Jack tossed the mike to Darkblade at sat down.

"Thank you, Jack. Welcome, my friends. As Jack here explained, this is the first SCP Foundation J-Section Support Group that we formed. Recently, I noticed a negative flow in the karma of this area. I thought it was an attack on our site by my enemies, but I soon saw that the flow came from within. There has been depressing emotions overflowing in the area, and affected the karma in our environment. I requested the researchers to bring you here to boost your morals. The only way to save yourself is understanding the problem. I am willing to help all of you with the experiences I gained from past missions."

He looked at the grey-skinned man first. The man was muscular and tall, his head almost touching the ceiling.
"You may start, sir. What makes you upset?"

" A true warrior, Darkblade mused. Only a dedicated warrior would punish oneself like that; he must have felt ashamed that he is imprisoned by the Foundation. A man on a mission.

Darkblade looked around the room. It must be a part of his mission, part of the reason why he is here. He is here to help these people. He looked at the disgruntled woman. A damsel in distress; a gentleman must help her. "You may start, ma'am. Why are you here, and do you feel depressed?"

She looked at him incredulously. "Did you just refer to me as a ma'am?"

Jack sniggered. She turned to Jack.

"You think this is funny, boy? I swear to God, kids these days, every single one of them are snobbish little snots that annoys me. You think the

Tale for one of the Misters (originally planned to be Redd, but decided not to clash with the collector tales series)

I tried very hard not to wake up, but I can't. I always wake up. Wake up in the lumpy mattress with the awfully thick blanket, in the windowless room with the ugly beige wallpaper and the bored old nurse. The doctor will walk in once I open my eyes, the evil, twisted, cunning beast you call a doctor. He will force me to go back into the lab.

I opened my eyes.

"Ah, yes, it's nice to see you in one piece. Feeling better?"

"……not really."

"Considering what you've been through, I'm not really surprised."

"Hard to believe that."

"I am concerned about your dilemma, whether you like it or not."

Hah. "Dilemma".

"I'm not going back in."

"I'm afraid that's impossible. You aren't done with the program yet."

"I never wanted to join your precious little program."

"You came to us and asked to join our program, not us."

"I don't remember any of that."

"Of course you don't, we wiped your memory as a part of the program."

Here we go again. I sat up and sighed. "You always tell me this. The 'you were upset with your old life and joined us' story. How do I know that you didn't just grab me from the streets, wipe my memory, and tell me I asked for it? I might have had a family, with a beautiful wife and cute kids. Or maybe I'm some aspiring actor that just landed in a major role. Or maybe a respected teacher that helped numerous students get back on track with their lives. But no, all I remember is waking up in this hellhole a year ago and you guys doing all this shit to me. I don't even remember my name."

"I assure you, none of your assumptions are true. And we did this so you can break completely from your old life."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm not asking you to, it's the truth."

"No."

The doctor put a hand on the bed frame and leaned over me.

"Do you have any idea how much we spent on you? All the research, the money and time we put into you, we hoped that you would be proud of who you will become. Alas, you never appreciated all the hard work we did……."

"And for what? My enjoyment? The children? No, doc, you did it all for yourself and this fucking company."

Dr. W took a deep breath.

"You have to go back whether you like it or not, it's your duty."

"No."

"We spent a lot on you. You should be proud of who you've become."

"You are proud, Doc, not me. Do you think I find it fun going through all those body-mods? Jumping through all those loops, waking up with tubes up my ass, hearing all your plans to cut me up and put me back together? I want to cry, to run, to punch someone, to just get away. You plan to sell us as merchandise, to profit from our pains. You say it's for the children, for fun of the whole family. All that 'power of fantasies' and 'a living dream' crap, it's all slogans to get parents to throw money at you."

Dr. W was silent. Then he spoke, in a much sterner voice.

"You have already severely delayed the release of the series by your incompetence. I was planning to release all of you last December for the Christmas shopping season, but you didn't comply. I had to add one of the half-done ones, did you think I was happy for that? You guys are the most anticipated series so far. You should be proud of you and your friends."

"Doc, a freak isn't funny."

"You are not a freak. The Little Mister series is one of the most revolutionary series that Doctor Wondertainment brought out. Children adores the wonders of fantasy stories, and that's what we bring to the table. You are a living example of how a dream can become reality."

"More like a nightmare." I threw back the sheets and got off the bed. "You did whatever you liked. Changed me. Modified my body. Erased my memory for a million times. Ran me through test after test. But I will not going to be part of your little collection of freaks. I can't go back to my old life, I don't remember any of it. But I will not participate in the new life you planned for me."

He tried to call for help, but I knocked him out cold.

I grabbed his keys and shoes, and walked out.

No one stopped me.

Goodbye, doc. I hope you never find another me.