Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-9001-J is to be kept in an open or sealed 1 m3 glass box containing an equal amount of salt water, a water filter, appropriate floor coverings. Subject is to be fed twice a day, preferably with shrimp. This should be sufficient to contain the subject until the end of its natural life. On recommendation of O5-0█ and the head of the Foundation, SCP-9001 is to be housed in a 20 m3 room attached to subject "Able"'s containment facility. In the event this containment fails, immediate deployment of SCP-682 will be necessary to save humanity. If this fails, may God have mercy on our souls. Description:
SCP-9001 was first brought to the Foundations attention by a Class-D personel who had requested, and was granted, a leave of absence for good behavior. The personel, hereafter to be referred to as D-9001, had purchased two live Homarus americanus with the intent to serve them to his significant other. D-9001 placed one Homarus americanus in a [DATA EXPUNGED]. SCP-9001 was first recognized as possibly having a higher than normal intelligence when D-9001's girlfriend noticed that the tapping of SCP-9001 sounded like morse code. D-9001 immediately took SCP-9001 to Site ██ where he is stationed and delivered the SCP to Dr. ██████. D-9001 was to face disciplinary measures for wasting the foundations time, but SCP-9001 seemingly random tapping stopped for approximately three seconds and continued after. Observation revealed that the tapping was in fact, an incredibly large number from the Fibonacci sequence. D-9001 was commended on his find and told to give his girlfriend a Class-B Amnesiac. He has been subsequently recommended for promotion. SCP-9001 was tested extensively for threatening attributes, but none were found, and as such SCP-9001 has received a classification of "Safe"(See Addendum 2, we are requesting an immediate reclassification to Keter). This lack of abilities was determined by placing a Class-D staff member in the containment area and having him [DATA EXPUNGED] tooth brush in [DATA EXPUNGED] while singing "O' █████ Won't You Please [REDACTED]" the entire █████ hours. The staff, including Dr. ████ and the janitor, involved in this incident have been terminated. Subsequent testing by O5-██ in a professional non-invasive process has revealed SCP-9001 should have a mass at least ███ times as large as the ██ Kg SCP-9001 weighs. In addition, SCP-9001 seems to emit radiation in the 2-256 ym (yoctometer) range. Although it is not normal for a member of the SCP team to interview an arthropod, O5-██ ordered Agent ██████ to question SCP-9001, with Dr. ███ on hand to translate morse code. It was through this interview that the threat posed by SCP-9001 was discovered.
A transcript of the interview is provided below.
Agent ██████: How the fuck am I supposed to talk to a fucking lobster? I don't car-
Dr. ███: It says it can quite clearly understand you, and you should refrain from cursing
A: Alright. Alright. SCP-9001, where are you from
D: From beyo- beyond time and space?
A: You're kidding, right?
*a little more tapping*
D: Your lives are forfeit, all will fall before the Makura.
05-██: Dr. ███, Agent ██████, remove yourselves from the room. This is beyond our pay grade.
SCP: YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE OUR RAGE
A: JESUS [REDACTED] CHRIST
Addendum 1: Homarus americanus is delicious when its flesh is dipped into churned cow milk fat that has been seasoned with Allium sativum. Addendum 2: SCP-9001 is not in fact a lobster, it is a door to a dimension what is filled with Makura hell bent on destroying everything.