Idea. 70s era Buddy Cop show about SCP-011 and SCP-173. 173 has an afro. Call it "Rock Solid"
Паранормальные Следственного комитета Paranormal Investigation Committee (USSR version of the GOC)
The alarm went off at six a.m. in Researcher barracks number 43, room 16. Junior Researcher Sebastian Larsonn snapped his usually droopy eyes open and a wide smile creaked across his usually sullen face. He rose out of his bed suddenly and sharply, quickly slipped on his researcher lab coat and walked into the hallway.
“It’s my birthday!” he whispered to his door.
In the next room, Junior Researcher Allison Henderson shut out the nose, hoping to get even just a few more minutes of sleep, when she heard her door open. She bolted awake, sitting up to the site of a strange, grinning man standing at the foot of her bed.
“What the hell are you doing in my room…” she squinted as her eyes adjusted to the morning light “Larsonn?”
Junior Researcher Larsonn leaned in close to her face. She could smell his morning breath, see the insanity that burned in his eyes. He smiled even wider.
“Guess what?” he whispered.
“It’s my birthday!” he yelled, running out of the room.
Agent Sam Dullson sat at the table in the Site cafeteria, eating his breakfast. He leaned over to grab the syrup so he could douse his pancakes made of what he swore was cardboard, when he found his groping someone’s face. He turned to find a strange man smiling at him despite his hand currently covering the man’s eyes, lying on the table. The agent removed his hand from the man’s face and stared.
“It’s my birthday!” the man yelled, leaping off the table and sprinting through the doors, throwing confetti in the air and all over Agent Dullson’s food.
Site Director Gears sat at his desk, reading over the latest news on Incident 837 over at Site 14. His eyes darted between figures and graphs and numbers, forming in his mind new security procedures to implant so that this sort of problem would not happen again, when he felt a very faint trembling coming up his chair. He set down the papers carefully and slowly rose from his desk. The trembling became stronger, and a strange rumbling could be heard from the right side of the room. Gears picked up the phone and was about to connect to the security line when the wall exploded inward, peppering him with debris and destroying the phone. A man walked in through the whole, stopping and staring at him with the biggest smile on his face.
SCP Foundation- 1970s edition. Afros, pornstaches, and aviators galore. Also, who's the man that cleans up after reality benders? CLEF! Can you dig it. He's a bad mother- shut your mouth!
My SCP Ideas
Don't take em. I'll find out. Bad things will happen. Such and such.
Joe King's Fun Fun Happy Laugh Prank Kit For Kids!
Ordinary looking practical joke kit.
Hand Buzzer- Does something bad with the nervous system. Don't know yet.
That Fake Soap that makes your hands black- Turns blood black and goopy. Eventually blocks off circulation in different parts of the body. Amputation stops spread. If left unchecked, kills.
Whoopee Cushion- I don't know yet. Deadly gas? Explosive decompression? Actual gas? Snakes?
Sneezing Powder- Also don't know. Blows shit up?
Fake glasses and nose with mustache thing- Thinking something along the lines of if someone is wearing it, nobody can really identify them. They know what they look like, they just can't convey that to someone by communicative means. Can't write down their appearance, can't draw them, can't describe them. Once the person takes them off, subject is able to fully describe their appearance. (Note, if the subject knows their name, they can convey that. Personality as well. Make this a loophole. They can't say "John is muscular" But they can say "John really likes to workout")
Handyman's Fix-It tool kit
Looks like a tool belt with multiple assorted tools.
If wearing it, subject is compelled to fix anything that is or appears broken. Subject is unable to properly fix anything if they don't know how though, so they may just make it worse. After a certain amount of time, subject feels their work is done, and moves on to next goal. If subject cannot find anything that looks like it can be tweaked, tuned up, or fixed, subject returns to normal self. If still wearing the tool belt, as soon as subject sees something that they can upgrade, etc. they attempt to. Subject is able to take off tool belt at anytime, but most likely won't if in the middle of the project, because they need to fix it. Note that fixing also involves "broken" humans or organic materials. They break their arm, they will try to fix it. With a tool set. Doesn't go over well for them.
Idea: "Something something: A children's Guide to Site 19"
Children's picture book. "This is Dr. Bright. This is Dr. Bright. This is also Dr. Bright. How many Dr. Brights can you find on this page?" "This is Agent Strelnikov. Can you say Strelnikov?" From the author of "SCP, A-Z" and "Everybody (DATA EXPUNGED)"
Foundation tale or document idea: Old fashioned document. "Artifact MIIV or something. Yadayadayada. Status: Heretical. Slated for destruction." Etc. Written in Roman Catholic latin.
Foundation accountant. Neurotic. Spindly. You know, an accountant(???) Humorous
S.C.P.I- Ace Studley (Robert Winkles) Secure Contain Private Investigator. Old detective. Guy is delusional, insane, or both. Plays out like crime drama or noir story. Humorous.
Agents in a town. SCP in town. It bad. Shit occurs. Not funny. (Verrry serious)
For below tips- Grammatical and stylistic errors. Needs that horrible spark. Got potential.
Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX is to be kept in locked in Safe-Class Storage Room 12d
Description: SCP-XXX is a tool belt containing various home improvement objects. Any human subject that wears SCP-XXX will find themselves willingly searching for items that are in need or appear to be in need of repair. The subject will then proceed to "fix" said items, regardless of any hazardous conditions or lack of appropriate tools.
SCP-XXX gives no perceivable enhancement to a subject's skill, resulting in conditions in which repair of an item is impossible to them. In such conditions, the subject will show increased aggression towards the object, becoming more and more forceful in their attempt to fix it until they invariably destroy it totally.
In the event that a subject is skilled and equipped enough to fix an item, after they perceives the item as repaired, the subject will seek out more items to repair.
After a varied amount of time, usually falling within 6 to 12 hours after subject has donned SCP-XXX, the subject will declare their work done and remove the tool belt, returning it to where they initially received it.
It should be noted that SCP-XX does not differentiate between organic or inorganic items, only their state of repair. Therefore, if the situation arises, subjects may attempt to fix their their own body or that of another. This usually results in a counter-active spiral as the subject causes more damage to the item and attempts to repair it, causing more damage in the process, generally resulting in the death or permanent injury of the item.
Attempting to dissuade or reason with a subject wearing SCP-XXX is useless, as the subject will be too focused on their task to listen. SCP-XXX can be removed from the subject by force. When SCP-XXX is removed, the subject will have no memory of performing any action while under SCP-XXX's effect.
SCP-XXX was recovered at ██████ Hospital in ███████, ██ after multiple incidents of assault on recovering patients with tools by different handymen and janitors, followed the subsequent memory loss of said individuals afterwards. After reviewing security tapes and eyewitness reports, two Foundation agents were called in and retrieved the SCP without incident.
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