This is my sandbox. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Bad Ideas for Later
- parasitic marmosets
- Tale about lunchlady in site-19 cafeteria
- double batman, siamese twins who are also batman. this is not an SCP idea but DOUBLE BATMAN
[14:43:36] <murphy_slaw> bad idea: the giant array of artillery aimed at Seoul is actually the government of NK
[14:43:48] <murphy_slaw> And is driving all policy decisions there
[14:45:18] <murphy_slaw> When Kim Il-sung died, his consciousness inhabited the artillery array and continues to run the government
[14:45:36] <Roget> We would call it
[14:45:41] <Roget> "The eternal president"
[14:45:46] <murphy_slaw> except that now he thinks like a massive array of artillery that wants to destroy Seoul
[14:45:47] <Roget> cos thats his title
[14:46:16] <murphy_slaw> and the rest of the regime is doing everything possible to prevent him from blowing up SK
[14:46:22] <murphy_slaw> but HE REALLY WANTS TO
(An excerpt from The Thing on the Plate, a collection of restaurant reviews written by H.P. Lovecraft for the Providence Journal.)
As I set foot into Guiseppe's, I was promptly seized by a wave of thoroughgoing revulsion. My mind reeled at the churning revelation that the establishment was no temple to the finer inheritances of Rome, but rather a low den catering to the coarse pleasures of the debased Sicilian - a swarthy, degenerate people whose only talents lie in the demesne of street violence and the production of the vile Marsala - a mucilaginous, sanguinary mockery of the vintner's art.
The inchoate grunting of the proprietor indicated that I should select my own seating within. With mounting trepidation, I picked my way amongst the rude timber tables, eventually perching myself at the least repellant example of carpentry I was able to detect.
The very fabric of space-time itself seemed to elongate and ripple obscenely as I awaited some signal of acknowledgment from the sullen attendants. The escalating desperation in my eyes finally captured the attention of a waiter, who stamped gracelessly to my table with the languidness born of his Mediterranean birth-place.
The menu was engraved upon a coarse hempen paper, heavily adorned with the greasy finger-prints of the luckless diners who had paid visit to the blighted accommodation in days long past. With desperate haste, I opted for the spaghetti and meat-balls. I clutched to a slender hope that the proprietor's reluctance to specify the flesh involved did not implicate the establishment in some ghastly charade.
The beetle-browed attendant set the proffered dish upon the profane checked table-cloth with a clattering thud. Within seconds, my worst fears were made manifest. Deep within his sweltering lair, the oafish cook had, through a foul mockery of the culinary arts, taken the noble tomato and reduced it to a scrofulous paste, with a glabrous sheen never meant to adorn earthly food. With a heavy hand, this ichor was ladled over a collection of rugose agglomerations which disgraced the good name of sphere.
And underneath these insults lurked the most unsettling revelation of all. For the Sicilian, not content to take the staff of life and produce therefrom the wholesome bread of our ancestors, instead had so abused and warped the corn of the wheat-stalk as to produce a clotted mass of slithering filaments, a writhing heap of wheaten degeneracy which so rejected my every sensibility that I sat dumb-struck for several minutes as it steamed and coagulated.
Additionally, the cannoli I selected for afters was niggardly in the apportionment of nuts to a scandalous degree.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Specimens of SCP-XXXX are to be kept in individual wire cages in a secured room in a facility otherwise devoid of laboratory animals. Due to the nature of the cognitive hazard presented by SCP-XXXX, no research staff shall be permitted to interact directly with specimens. Any experiments involving specimens are to be carried out by appropriately trained class-D personnel under remote observation by the assigned researcher. Experimental protocols should be designed to strictly limit the duration of exposure to SCP-XXX specimens. No individual class-D is to be scheduled for this duty more than once per week. Under no circumstances should any personnel be assigned duty which would increase their cumulative exposure time to SCP-XXXX to over 16 hours.
Any personnel showing signs of excessive SCP-XXXX exposure are to be treated with amnestics and must undergo a thorough psychological examination before returning to duty. If delusions persist after drug treatment and counseling, disability leave may be granted at the discretion of the project lead. Class-D personnel experiencing persistent delusions are to be terminated.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a spontaneously occurring phenomenon found in 0.0001% of specimens of the Long-Evans strain of Rattus norvegicus1, the Norwegian Brown Rat. Instances are indistinguishable from other Long-Evans specimens in size, intelligence, appearance, and lifespan. However, humans spending 20-80 cumulative hours in close proximity to an SCP-XXXX specimen develop the following delusional complex:
- That the specimen is sapient, and capable of speech.
- That the specimen is a subject-matter expert in their field of employment.
- That their "best ideas" originate from conversations with the specimen.
- That these properties of SCP-XXXX are possibly hereditary, and that any offspring of the specimen should be exempt from experimentation pending unspecified "analysis".
- That possession of SCP-XXXX provides significant competitive advantage, precluding the sharing of data about specimens with outside organizations.
In addition to this cumulative effect, persons directly witnessing a "conversation" between an SCP-XXXX specimen and an affected individual will immediately be affected by the delusional system.
While affected persons report that they hear the SCP-XXXX specimen speaking, review of recordings of such "conversations" reveal that affected persons are, in fact, subvocalizing the specimen's responses to their queries. No reported responses were found to lie outside of the knowledge domain of the affected individual.
SCP-XXXX was discovered when a routine performance review in 1993 found that productivity at the biosciences laboratory at Research Site-27 had declined by 75% in a 6-month period without a corresponding decline in research quality. An internal audit of the facility determined that the entire staff of the lab were affected by delusions pertaining to a male SCP-XXXX specimen they dubbed "Frankie". Two members of the audit team were likewise affected before the nature of the hazard was determined.
All affected personnel were interviewed and treated with amnestics, though 15% of staff suffered from persistent delusional states and were subsequently relieved of duty. "Frankie" was determined to have entered the facility as part of a routine delivery of model organisms from Charles River Laboratories. No anomalous properties were detected in any other specimens in the shipment.
Interview Log XXXX-1-5
Agent Colson: Good morning, Mr. Mooney. I would like to ask a few questions about the model organism designated SCP-XXXX.
Researcher Mooney: Uh. Hey, sure. There sure are a lot of you internal affairs guys around. Is everything … okay?
Agent Colson: This is an information-gathering exercise, not a disciplinary hearing. Now, what can you tell me about SCP-XXXX?
Researcher Mooney: You mean Frankie, right?
Agent Colson: Yes, I believe the staff refer to it as "Frankie".
Researcher Mooney: Oh, Frankie's great. He's real easy to talk to and he's got a head for organic chemistry like nobody I've ever seen.
Agent Colson: How did you discover its anomalous properties?
Researcher Mooney: Well, a couple months ago I was getting really stuck trying to synthesize one of the components from the SCP-XXX fluid, and I was bitching about it in the lunchroom. XXXX from Virology says to me, "Hey, you should run that by Frankie," and I'm like, who the fuck is Frankie?
Agent Colson: So Researcher XXXX introduced you to the specimen?
Researcher Mooney: Yeah. He takes me into this mostly empty storeroom, nothing in there except this big cage with one little rat in it, and I'm like "Where the hell is this Frankie guy?" and XXX says "That's him right there."
Agent Colson: Referring to the rat.
Researcher Mooney: Yeah. So I'm just about to punch XXXX in the mouth for taking me on a snipe hunt, when he starts talking to Frankie. And Frankie starts talking back.
Agent Colson: What were they discussing?
Researcher Mooney: Oh, XXXX is like "Hey, my buddy is stuck on some hairy O-Chem, do you think you could help him out?" and Frankie is all "Sure thing. Nice to meet you, XXXX". It was weird too, cuz you'd think a little rat like that would have a squeaky voice or something, but he just sounded like a regular guy.
Agent Colson: Was your discussion with the organism fruitful?
Researcher Mooney: Yeah! It was amazing, I just told him what I was trying to do and he walked me through a possible synthesis as easy as giving directions to the grocery store. I took it back to the lab and it worked the first time.
Agent Colson: And you continued to consult with the organism?
Researcher Mooney: Yeah, I did. By the end of the month most of the guys in the lab were talking to Frankie when they got stuck on something. That little bastard can talk about almost anything you throw at him, you know?
Agent Colson: Why did you not disclose the presence of the anomaly?
Researcher Mooney: Um. Well. It sounds stupid when I say now, but everyone in the bio lab kind of figured that Frankie was our secret weapon? Everyone was doing amazing work and we figured we'd keep it to ourselves for a little bit.
Agent Colson: Our records show that while the quality of work coming from your labs was consistently high, there was a precipitous drop in total output. If the organism was so helpful, how do you account for this?
Researcher Mooney: Yeah, um. So it was a couple of things, I guess. The biggest problem is that there are only so many hours in the day, and Frankie's asleep for half of them. So the scheduling got to be a little hairy.
Agent Colson: People were unable to proceed until they could consult with the organism?
Researcher Mooney: Well, it's like you know you could get going without talking to Frankie, but once you talk to him, you'll probably have to start over anyway, so why bother? Also, lots of people's time was taken up with the breeding program.
Agent Colson: Breeding program.
Researcher Mooney: Yeah, we figured we couldn't keep it to ourselves forever, and how great would it be if every lab in the Foundation had their own Frankie?
Agent Colson: That will be all for now, Mr. Mooney.
Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: A 120 cm x 110 cm cylindrical aquarium of clear acrylic (no less than 5 cm thick) is to be maintained for containment of SCP-XXX specimens under study. The tank should be filled to a depth of 25 cm with broken concrete and with fresh water to a depth of 55 cm. A standard 7.62 cm PVC pipe is to be fitted to the tank at a height of 75 cm, leading to a stainless steel sink with a household-grade garbage-disposal unit to enable the feeding of females during breeding periods.
The population of the tank is to be maintained at no more than thirty (30) individuals, with periodic culls to ensure this limit. Culled specimens should be chosen to maintain sexual parity in the remaining population as far as is possible. 500 ml of mixed foodservice waste per individual is to be introduced to the tank for daily feedings. See Document XXX-1 below for a protocol for supplementary feedings for females during breeding periods.
[details for containment/eradication protocols for specimens in the wild here]
Description: SCP-XXX is a freshwater gastropod mollusk with many morphological similarities to sea snails of the Conus genus, differing primarily in freshwater habit, greatly reduced shell size, and increased overall size. Adult specimens can grow to over 45cm in length, with a vestigial shell of less than 2cm. All specimens captured so far have been found living in municipal sewer and drainage systems, living off of waste products and other detritus.
The modified radula teeth typical of Conus snails are absent in males, but highly developed in females. In females, the radula is modified into a stem ending in a broad protrusion, coated in a silvery nacre (mother-of-pearl), which, when extended, closely resembles a small household spoon. Though not sharp like a typical harpoonlike radula, the extremity is capable of exuding a potent cocktail of peptide neurotoxins which can quickly cause spasms and paralysis within seconds of skin contact. Additionally, females possess a pair of specialized organs similar to those found in the Lesser Electric Ray (Narcine bancroftii),
capable of producing brief electrical currents of [mumble mumble quantitative stuff here]
When ready to produce eggs, females find their way into the drain pipes of the nearest residence equipped with an electric garbage disposal unit. Once situated in the pipes below the unit, the female threads her proboscis through the disposal into the drain, imitating a spoon lodged in the mechanism. When a human reaches for the “spoon”, SCP-XXX releases its toxin, paralyzing the hand of its victim and pulling it deeper into the mechanism. SCP-XXX then releases a burst of electric current, causing inductive activation of the disposal unit motor, leading to lacerations and severe bleeding. The specimen seals its mouth against the base of the disposal unit to collect blood, detaching after approximately 600 ml are captured.
Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-XXX must be kept in a locked refrigeration unit kept at a consistent temperature of 2°C. Access to specimens for experimentation requires Level 4 approval. Under no circumstances may an experiment involving dissection of any whole specimens be performed; if material samples are required for analysis researchers are instructed to take them from the previously-dissected SCP-XXX-B.
Any instances of SCP-XXX-1 should be contained as a normal specimen of their type, with the exception that food and water requirements may be ignored. Humanoid instances of SCP-XXX-1 require no special treatment and may be contained as appropriate for any large primate. Any requests for dissection or vivisection of SCP-XXX-1 instances requires Level 4 approval.
SCP-XXX exactly resembles a collection of twelve (12) eight (8) preserved duck eggs of the “Century Egg” type, held in a plain cardboard carton. The top of the carton is inscribed with Chinese characters reading “Luck egg. Hold close to the heart." Chemical analysis of the albumen, yolk, and shell material of dissected specimen SCP-XXX-B revealed no abnormalities compared to ordinary eggs of the same type purchased at a Chinese grocery.
If a specimen of SCP-XXX is held in contact with the skin of an exothermic vertebrate animal for (approximately) 40 cumulative hours it will “hatch”, splitting open to reveal an animate simulacrum of the creature (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXX-1). The hatchling will be identical to the original creature in every respect except for size and a total lack of pigmentation. SCP-XXX-1 specimens exhibit simple reactions to stimuli, but are otherwise apathetic. They neither consume food nor produce any waste, but will grow in size over time, increasing in mass by approximately 25% every 24 hours until they have achieved the proportions of the creature they resemble.
In addition to the dissection of SCP-XXX-B, specimens A, C, and D have been consumed during experimentation. See Experiment log XXX for details and experimental results.
Experiment Log XXX:
Test Subject: SCP-XXX-A
Procedure: Subject placed in commercial egg incubator calibrated for hatching duck eggs for 28 days, according to manufacturer’s instructions.
Results: No effect.
Test Subject: SCP-XXX-A
Procedure: Specimen placed in enclosure with a female green iguana (Iguana iguana) among its clutch of eggs.
Results: Iguana eggs hatched 77 days later. Specimen unaffected after 90 days. Experiment terminated.
Test Subject: SCP-XXX-A
Procedure: Specimen placed in enclosure with a female mallard duck (Anas platyrhynchos) among its clutch of eggs.
Results: After 40 hours of nesting time, SCP-XXX-A cracked open and a miniature (44.1g) albino female duck emerged (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXX-A-1). The "mother" duck chased SCP-XXX-A-1 until it was approximately 5 meters away from the nest, whereupon it sat down and did not move. Over the course of 15 days, SCP-XXX-A-1 grew until it was the exact mass of the female mallard (1.23kg). During this time it remained sitting, only stirring occasionally to look around the enclosure. After five more days of similar behavior and no further growth, SCP-XXX-A-1 was removed from the enclosure for further experimentation. Genetic testing revealed that SCP-XXX-A-1 is a near-perfect clone of the female mallard, with the exception of mutations responsible for the observed amelanism.
Test Subject: SCP-XXX-C
Procedure: Specimen placed in enclosure with a male rhesus macaque (Macaca mulatta), in the area where the animal habitually slept.
Results: The animal examined the SCP-XXX-C for several minutes post-introduction and then rapidly lost interest. After nine days of intermittent contact with the animal during sleep cycles, SCP-XXX-C split open and a miniature (43.6g) albino male macaque emerged (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXX-C-1). The animal reacted to the simulacrum with apparent terror, vocalizing loudly and cowering in a corner of the enclosure. SCP-XXX-C-1 sat placidly in the remains of its eggshell until it was removed to a separate enclosure. The specimen grew for 23 days until it exactly matched the animal's mass of 7.4kg. Genetic analysis revealed analogous results to SCP-XXX-A-1.
Test Subject: SCP-XXX-D
Procedure: Class D individual D-XXXXX was instructed to hold the specimen in contact with his skin as much as possible during waking hours. Two days later, SCP-XXX-D split open, revealing a tiny (42.9g) albino humanoid with a build and facial features matching D-XXXXX, SCP-XXX-D-1. Specimen was removed from D-XXXX’s quarters and placed in a standard primate enclosure. SCP-XXX-D-1 grew for 33 days until it was equal in height (1.73m) and mass (66.4kg) of D-XXXXX. Specimen observed to spend most of its time sitting in an apparently catatonic state, only moving periodically to shift its weight. SCP-XXX-D-1 is a perfect clone of D-XXXXX besides its albinism. D-XXXXX is missing a right kidney from the aftermath of a barroom brawl, but physical examination of the specimen revealed two healthy kidneys.
Request XXX-12: Doctor ████ requests permission to attempt a kidney transplant between SCP-XXX-D-1 and D-XXXXX.
Status: Request approved.
Incident Report XXX-1:
Location: ████, a town of ███ persons, 70km from Site-██
Agents intercepted a police-band report of a catatonic albino male, found sitting by the side of the road on the edge of town. Agents ██████ and █████ were dispatched to the scene in the guise of federal marshals. Subject was found wearing an unmarked denim jumpsuit and no shoes. Agents provided local law enforcement with a cover story, saying the subject was an escaped prisoner who was in need of his antipsychotic medication.
Subject was returned to Site-██, where another agent remarked upon the similarity between the subject and Agent █████, who had been MIA since Incident-███-2. Comparison of the subject and file photos of
Agent █████ revealed nearly identical facial structure, and both were found to have a blood type of O-negative. The subject has remained effectively catatonic since containment, and has been confirmed to require no sustenance. Genetic analysis shows identical sequences in genes responsible for pigment production as in SCP-XXX-D-1, leading researchers to tentatively assign a designation of SCP-XXX-X-1.
[5:31pm] vezaz: also I feel like we're due for a guide on containment procedures
[5:31pm] vezaz: I'm seeing the same one over and over
[5:31pm] vezaz: and it's not /wrong/ but it's never interesting
[5:31pm] murphy_slaw: guess we'll see if he takes anyone up on the offer
[5:31pm] murphy_slaw: mmm, yeah
[5:32pm] murphy_slaw: people don't seem to consider the containment procedures as a tool of fiction
[5:32pm] vezaz: it's counterintuitive
[5:32pm] murphy_slaw: which is a pity, because at its best it's a great way to do forshadowing and build suspense
[5:32pm] vezaz: I think if you're a bad writer, or new at this, you see it as something to get it out of the way
[5:32pm] vezaz: in fact, the whole article rides on them
[5:32pm] murphy_slaw: yeah
[5:33pm] murphy_slaw: you want to rush to the magic powers
[5:33pm] vezaz: it's very much like using negative space in art
[5:33pm] murphy_slaw: yeah, exactly
[5:33pm] vezaz: describing the scp by describing out to deal with it…
[5:47pm] vezaz: Alright let's see
[5:47pm] vezaz: the don'ts are easiest to start with
[5:47pm] vezaz: no redactions
[5:47pm] vezaz: no cubical rooms
[5:47pm] vezaz: no on-site nukes or telekill
[5:48pm] murphy_slaw: no luxury suites with D-class concubines
[5:48pm] murphy_slaw: no "it's on Doctor Bob's desk and can be borrowed freely"
[5:49pm] vezaz: aaah
[5:49pm] vezaz: no stupid amount of authorization
[5:49pm] vezaz: "sixteen 05's"
[5:49pm] vezaz: no "testing personnel must be screened for not being lunatics"
[5:49pm] murphy_slaw: no dark warnings of demotion for improper use
[5:50pm] murphy_slaw: no exotic materials if you don't know what they are actually good for
[5:51pm] murphy_slaw: no internet access for humanoids
[5:51pm] vezaz: and go easy on the revisions
[5:51pm] murphy_slaw: yeah
[5:51pm] vezaz: now, for positive assertions?
[5:51pm] murphy_slaw: well, first off
[5:52pm] murphy_slaw: this is your chance to hook the reader or lose them
[5:52pm] murphy_slaw: don't blow it
[5:52pm] murphy_slaw: you want to engage their imagination
[5:53pm] murphy_slaw: one technique is to have a couple of innocuous, standard-seeming procedures
[5:53pm] murphy_slaw: and then one that seems totally out of left field
[5:53pm] vezaz: take a moment (and I don't think some people do this) and think what your object would /actually/ require to be contained
[5:53pm] vezaz: yrah
[5:54pm] murphy_slaw: moderation, of course
[5:55pm] murphy_slaw: you don't have to describe every door down to the wood grain unless that achieves a specific pacing that you're going for
[5:55pm] murphy_slaw: your goal is to have the reader nearly going mad with anticipation
[5:55pm] vezaz: right
[5:55pm] vezaz: or at least willing to keep reading XD
[5:55pm] murphy_slaw: wanting to read that first line of the description and figure out what the hell this thing IS
[5:56pm] vezaz: the best procedures actually make you stop and try to figure it out before reading on, but not so long it gets boring
[5:56pm] vezaz: OH
[5:56pm] vezaz: and no fucking gratuitous camera surveliance or armed guards
[5:56pm] vezaz: if it doesn't need to be watched and isn't going to try to escape we can just lock it up
[5:56pm] murphy_slaw: yep
[5:57pm] murphy_slaw: the best containment procedures are little riddles
[5:57pm] murphy_slaw: and the description is the answer
[5:57pm] vezaz: eloquent
[5:57pm] vezaz: remember that
[5:57pm] murphy_slaw: if your reader figures it out, they'll feel smart