- Front porch
- Johnny Appleweed
- Ideas for that damn vending machine
- the Xylo-Phone
- Ideas for SCP-263 rewrite
- dude with a turtle for a head
- the Venue
Welcome! Still moving in.
Ideas that other people should pursue
THE POWER OF BUTTGHOST COMPELS YOU
Ideas that nobody should pursue
signs point to rape
SCP-XXXX Johnny Appleweed
SCP-XXXX-1 is Johnny Appleweed
SCP-XXXX-2 are his seeds - as yet unobtained
SCP-XXXX-3 are the trees - conventional, hardy apple trees of an indeterminate heirloom variety
SCP-XXXX-4 are the apples - small, hard, but nutritious
SCP-XXXX-5 are the seeds from the apples - propagate into a random species, often invasive
MTF-Pi-5 ("Ditches and Hoes") liase with dept of ag, int; after incident, ATF. hand-off
anomalous plants to Gardeners.
itinerant worker, worked at the factory, may not have aged since
discovered after horse ranch overrun by invasive species - horses loved the apples
more recently spotted by teenagers, described him as some old hippie type
seeds past sell by date - offspring plants were originally useful; now becoming erratic,
invasive, extinct, possibly anomalous/alien.
ran away from snake handlers, said something about not letting serpents get their hands on the
an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
woodstock as coverup.
1000 yen, powered, rind of the ancient mariner
ship in a bottle
albatross jerky, whale blubber, lime zest, multivitamin mariner, toothpicks and floss
500 yen, powered, pickled apples
500 yen, unpowered, pickled adam's apples
100 yen, powered, five pack of bamboo flavored gum
100 yen, unpowered, five pack of gum flavored bamboo
800 yen, powered, fruit bat (mango, guava, papaya)
800 yen, unpowered, fruit bat (durian)
jelly rebellies (habenero black bean che, something from the future)
A Xylophone with a receiver and RJ-11 jack attached. Rings, and can be dialed, as a musical instrument.
When it rings, a voice will ask a musical trivia question. If the question is answered incorrectly, another bar will be added to the big end of the instrument. If answered correctly, nothing happens.
If the user calls the voice and stumps it with a question, a bar will be removed.
New bars will be added and removed from the small end as needed.
Efforts to track down the voice and the origins of the object are the responsibility of MTF-something-something ("Glock and Spiel"). This is a terrible pun.
Item #: SCP-263
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-263 is to be kept inside its containment area at all times. Each usage of the item must be scheduled at least a week beforehand to a Level 4 personnel. A camera should be focused on SCP-263 while it is active in order to record everything displayed and said. Personnel using SCP-263 must keep at all times a mobile telephone, a PDA, or a netbook computer with full, unrestricted access to a complete, synchronized copy of SCP Foundation's data banks, stored in a dedicated database server to guarantee full retrieval of an SCP entry in no more than 200 milliseconds.
To allow for greater chances of survival while reading information from SCP Foundation's databanks, design and implementation has been commissioned of an expert system that must parse a question about an SCP written in natural English, scan through the entirety of SCP Foundation's database, analyze the matching articles' text, and deliver an answer within a lapse no greater than five seconds (5 s).
Description: SCP-263 appears to be an ordinary TV, in quite worn condition, bearing the logo of the "THOMSON" company. There is a power switch, two buttons to regulate volume, and two to change channel on the TV, but the latter four are not working. SCP-263 has been observed to work even when not connected to a power outlet.
When switched on, the TV always displays the interior of a studio, whose design bears similarities to studios of game shows from the 60's. A large logo, saying "CASH OR ASH?" in large, stylized letters dominates the back wall of the studio; an unidentified music piece is playing in the studio at all times.
The only man visible in the studio is SCP-263-1.
SCP-263-1 appears to be a male human of Caucasian descent, dressed in an elegant suit, approximately in his thirties. SCP-263-1 appears to have a rather enthusiastic, "over-the-top" personality, and smiles almost constantly. As soon as a test subject switches SCP-263 on, SCP-263-1 will face the subject and say - apparently to some invisible audience - that the subject is "a new competitor" who "just tuned in" to the "Cash or Ash" show. He will then state that he wishes the subject "whole lotta luck" in answering "the three fiendish questions" and "getting the cash - and not ash!" (SCP-263-1's exact phrasing and acting are quite different upon each activation of SCP-263.)
SCP-263-1 will proceed to ask the questions.
All of the questions are related to various SCPs in possession or on record of the Foundation; most of them are inquiries upon rather basic information on the SCP in question, but some of them concern specific minutiae, found only in certain obscure documents which require high clearance and/or are rather complicated to find or reach. In each case, though, the answer to the question is available somewhere among the Foundation's reports and research logs. For a full list of all questions asked by SCP-263-1 during testing, see document #263-Q1.
The subject has 45 seconds to answer each question. If within that time frame the subject supplies a correct answer, his success will be acknowledged and briefly congratulated upon by SCP-263-1, who will proceed to ask the next question.
If, however, the subject answers incorrectly, or does not answer within 45 seconds, SCP-263-1 will announce: "Time's up! So sorry," and the subject will immediately be engulfed in flames of very high intensity. These flames are apparently impossible to extinguish, but disappear on their own after a few seconds, leaving behind only the burnt remains of the subject. The flames are harmless to the environment. Meanwhile, SCP-263-1 will once again address the "audience" and state that the failure is "a pity" and that "hopefully the next competitor will avoid the ash… and get away with the cash!" SCP-263 will then turn off on its own. (Apart from this, SCP-263, once turned on, cannot be switched off.)
If SCP-263-1 notices someone whispering to the subject, or hears someone else tell the answer to the subject; or if the subject attempts to move behind SCP-263 so that SCP-263-1 cannot see them, or moves away from SCP-263 for more than 7 meters, SCP-263-1 will accuse the subject of cheating and inflict the same punishment as above, remark on the "dwindling ethics of today's people", and SCP-263 will switch itself off. However, portable consumer electronic devices, such as mobile telephones, PDAs, and computers smaller than eleven inches (11"), have no effect on SCP-263-1, as he appears to be ignorant about any technology invented after 1968, thus allowing the subject to quickly look up the information required to correctly answer the question.
Those who answer all three questions correctly receive a prize. It is always a small object (or, in one case, several) which materializes in front of SCP-263. Curiously, upon dispensing the prize, [DATA EXPUNGED].
The prizes given away by SCP-263 seem to be completely random, and not related to the subject or anything else in any way. So far, the following has been given:
- A marble figurine of a dragon, 5.3 cm long, carved with surprising expertise; microscopic observation confirmed that micrometre-size details are present
- Several banknotes, which appear similar to ordinary U.S. dollars; however, the faces of the presidents are all replaced with the smiling face of SCP-263-1
- [DATA EXPUNGED]
- A clockwork figurine, 4 cm tall, made of brass and walking around randomly when wound; the figurine depicts an unknown, vaguely squid-like creature
All attempts to inquire SCP-263-1 about himself or SCP-263 have proven fruitless. SCP-263-1 does not react to any questions or statements, save for the question answers or any "cheating" attempts.
must be used every week, or it begins advertising on nearby tvs
asks all contestants three general knowledge questions, cash reward
scp agents get bonus round, option to risk the cash for another question (about scp), with non-cash reward
appears to be from chaos insurgency
Young guy, describes himself as a hardcore punk. whole scalp/top/back of head has been replaced with a turtle, including legs, head, and tail. They may or may not be able to communicate.
I'VE GOT A TURTLE FOR A HEAAAAAD
I'VE GOT A TURTLE FOR A HEAAAAAD
I WISH I WAS DEAAAAAD
I'VE GOT A TURTLE FOR A HEAAAAAD
Item #: SCP-1207
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-1207 (here known simply as "The Venue") unusual containment procedures are required, a specialist team consisting of the following personnel must be stationed within The Venue at all times:
5 (five) world class nightclub promoters (briefed by The Foundation in the importance of maintaining an extremely popular, working nightclub).
10 (ten) armed guards (with concealed weapons) posing at civilian security to contain any instances of SCP-1207-A.
20 non-violent Class-D personnel to perform general day-to-day and service duties within The Venue.
Under no circumstances should the venue be without a form of entertainment. Constant civilian clientele is paramount to safe containment of SCP-1207-A. Should SCP-1207-A open, all security staff are to evacuate civilians under the guise of a [DATA EXPUNGED] event and perform Containment Procedure 345B.
Description: SCP-1207 is a building located in the popular red-light district of [DATA EXPUNGED]. It is currently under the control of The Foundation and run as a commercial nightclub called "The Venue". The Venue is a live music venue, nightclub, bar and function venue. Whilst The Venue is is busy and full of people, SCP-1207-A will not open.
SCP-1207-A is a locked door that cannot be opened by any conventional method. There is no key and no amount of force can open SCP-1207-A. The only known way to open SCP-1207-A (and access the room beyond) is to completely rid The Venue of the vast majority of patrons and noise. For this reason The Venue must always be providing entertainment and have some patronage.
Testing performed with D-Class personnel have shown that once The Venue is empty and all music has been stopped, a feeling of dread and unease comes over all who are still within The Venue. Testing personnel were then overcome with an irresistible desire to open SCP-1207-A and enter the room. Nothing has been noted as effective in stopping test personnel opening the door.
It has been noted that personal audio devices will render personnel immune to the supernatural effects of SCP-1207-A.
There is little known about the room beyond SCP-1207-A. All instances of it opening have resulted in the disappearance of personnel engaging with it. No one has returned from it.
At this point there are no plans to demolish SCP-1207 for the purpose of destroying SCP-1207-A, as The Venue has become a rather lucrative business for The Foundation, and also has become a very effective incentive for D-Class Staff to perform less desirable tasks, if promises a 6 month roster in The Venue.
Addendum: Containment guards are to keep their emergency containment iPods fully charged AT ALL TIMES. We can't have another incident where SCP-1207-A opened and half the security team walked right in due to lack of personal music devices.