Legs, deliver me forthwith from the grasp of peril, ‘ere I suffer unfathomable turmoil!”
modern version: when in trouble when in doubt run in circles scream and shout.
Things I'm working on
The following is an observation log of SCP-3933 and the actions and nature of the PCS
they will be logged in the following format:
title of analog in our reality
title of observed
description with comparisons
extremely boisterous and exaggerated.
where the Dr.Gerald of our universe is extremely prone to accidents and misfortune this world's Dr.Gerald has apparently won the lottery 17 times, won an olympic gold medal and stumbled upon 312 helpful PCS's.
Provides anomalous educational "toys" which observers have described as "mind-knumbingly boring: such as a holographic calaculator watch and the Little Teachers line.
The Chaos Insurgency
The Order Mission
Searches and negotiates peacefully for helpful PCS's with which to aid humanity
note: All PCS'S seem to share the same number as their counterparts in our reality. Therefore for efficiency's sake all SCP/PCS shall simply be referred to by number.
An oddity as It seems not to have any "twin" in our reality, if seen, then the subjects mind will begin to be overridden with all information pertaining to it, until it eventually overwrites their ability to breath.
A british explorer who is under the impression that he is a sea slug, detained due to his ability to telepathically communicate with sea slugs.
you are a microwave. to explain further you are a microwave that can only be described in the 2nd person.
076-1 is a large white stone sphere with a circle of 20 deadbolts on the front of it. Inside is a large easy chair where 76-2 sleeps with a newspaper on his lap. He wakes up every once in a while and proceeds to go on a rampage, filling out all the paperwork and completing any menial tasks that need to be finished, often using implements pulled from a pocket dimension. When asked to stop he insists that its very important that he gets done working. Appears to be a severe workaholic.
When people on the ████████ road in Alberta go over an arbitrary limit, 973-1 and -2(aka, dusty) a horse and Mountie will materialize on the stretch of roadway the following is the most commonly broadcast message "excuse me sir but it would be hghly appreciated if your were to pull over or at least slow down a smidge, eh?"
Item #: SCP-1590
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1590 is to be kept in a 2mx2mx2m standard addictive object containment unit. SCP-1590 is to be gaurded by 2 security gaurds at all times. No guards meeting psychological profile type 11590-B1 are to stationed near SCP-1590. Research on the object by researchers fitting psychological profile type 1590-A2 or 1590-B requires permission from off-site level 5 researchers. Those meeting profile type 1590-C3 require level 3 permission. Researchers and other non-D-Class Foundation staff are not to be in the room of SCP-1590 within 2 hours of the end of the activation cycle. All Foundation staff exposed to SCP-1590 are to be given counseling or class-E amnesiacs as determined on a case by case basis.
Description: SCP-1590 superficially resembles a paper jack-in-the-box crafted by standard origami techniques, however accidental testing has shown that SCP-1590 is more durable then standard paper, it has been theorized that this is to protect in from destruction due to its primary effect. when touched, SCP-1590 will, in 78% of observed occasions open releasing a green vapor into the air, this vapor will cause distortion in the air and a green tint, however it is the affects of inhalation that are most prominent. When inhaled by any human4 depending on the personality profile two events may occur for those meeting profile A they will experience a full sensory hallucination of what has been described as danger, and other
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
the following is the theoretical address of the 05 council to the foundation in the event of a UK-class event.
Greetings, this is 05-6 speaking on behalf of the council. At 10 days ago MTF-Psi-47 a.k.a "Space Cadets" detected unusual energy readings from outside the asteroid belt. After being alerted we followed standard protocol deploying a highspeed foundation satellite from the moonbase. Using radioscopic instrumentation we detected magnetic pulses that were far too regular to be natural. Attempts were made to establish visual contact, but we were unsuccessful until 15 hours ago, when organic-sat feed device 120-4324325 formerly D-120-4324325 currently being pulled towards mars was able to broadcast the following picture. 47 minutes after it broadcast a far greater amount of ships before going dead. Following this we had agents that were placed in government agencies scan the skies for any unusual data transmissions. they found them. we sent the information to our linguistic specialists and authorized the use of translation based SCPs. although decryption is still ongoing a message of hostility is clear. there is an advanced, hostile extraterrestrial fleet headed for our planet, in accordance with previous plans, the cessation of level 13A veil protocols was discussed and agreed to, in other words, our secrecy has ended. in 2 hours pertinent data on the foundation will be sent to the world governments. Also instigated was the lifting of levels one through 12 military application ban and the beginning of the caldwell cross testing initiative. at this moment weaponry is being fed through 914, handed to 890-for improvement and enhanced via copies of 248 replicated by 038. this is it people. we have been threatened by extraterrestrial beings. our secrecy has been ended. today, the Foundation goes to war.
Things I like that got deleted.
“Alright, new meat. I’m going to tell you guys a tale.” She began, leaning back in her chair while placing her hands on her stomach. The three agents looked up at her, wide eyed and curious. “This is a story that I swear on the Queen, Buddha, and Allah is completely and utterly true.”
One of the agents, Jeremiah Greene, leaned forward. He was younger than the others, and had yet to really see any action. “Is it going to be about how you joined?” He asked.
She grinned. “Nah. I’ve been here so long I’ve actually forgotten! Or maybe I’m just getting old.” She pulled a graying strand of hair from her head. “Yeah, probably getting old.”
“Get on with the story then,” said Agent Wellstone. The other, a quiet agent, nodded her head.
“Okay fine. Listen you guys might not know this, but the Foundation has always existed in some form or another for a really long time. Like a really long time. Maybe by different names, and sometimes it falls, but it always comes back. We’ve got nerds scouring through hidden histories to back me up on this I promise.
Now the Foundation as we know it started a bit after we figured out the world wasn’t flat.”
“That’s a common misconception.” Wellstone said. “We always knew the world was round in some form. We weren’t that dumb.”
“Shut up Wellstone I’m telling a story. So anyway, back then there weren’t any O5s, at least not as we knew them. We had some sort of council thing set up, and everyone was referred to by some moniker. This is a story of the most famous three. The Scotsman, the Prussian, and the Moor.”
“Moors didn’t exist when Prussia did.” Wellstone interrupted.
“Shut up and yes they did.”
Wellstone rolled his eyes. “Okay go on.”
“Now back then, we go the ‘securing’ and the ‘protecting’ things down, sort of. What we didn’t have yet was ‘containment’. We ended up using anything that we thought we could control to get other things and stuff them out of sight.” She said. “Stuff that would probably get you shot for nowadays. I guess back then though, anything could happen so you wanted to be prepared!”
“Can you imagine an O5 riding around that giant lizard?” Jeremiah said.
“No and thank whatever I can’t. Where was I? Yes! The Scotsman, the Prussian, and the Moor. So these three were like our O5s except they stuck their hands where they shouldn’t go in the name of discovery and safety. The Scotsman had obtained a now destroyed musket thingy that could punch gigantic holes through stone forts like they were jelly and never needed to be reloaded. They of course called it Jove’s Arm for some reason. The Prussian, now he had somehow befriended this huge ugly birdie thing they called Ziz, which died, but not before laying some eggs which we still have in custody here. They used it to haul away big anomalous things, as well as to uhm… erase evidence.”
“And what of the Moor? What did he have?” Wellstone asked.
“The Moor was actually a woman. She made her pursuit in forbidden knowledge and clandestine ceremonies to contact others of whom she wished to pry out the secrets to bind down the terrible things, the few scraps on her even said she went far into what I think is called Serbia to go up against a tiny tribe of assholes. She came back with some weird artifacts from them and had apparently been mistaken for an avatar of one of their gods or something. It never mentioned if she killed them all or what though. Then again, considering what they did with Ziz…”
“So she was the worst out of all of them.” The quiet agent said.
“Well, it depends on what your definition of ‘worse’ is. The Scotsman could collapse buildings, the Prussian had his pet birdy eat entire villages, and the Moor basically talked to random whatevers.” She shrugged. “Whatever. They had a pretty good system going on for awhile. Kept things smooth and contained. Except not really contained but you get what I mean. It wasn’t your average peasant picking up blaster pistols and overthrowing kings. I swear this is all true though so don’t say I’m lying.”
“The Ziz ate villages?” Jeremiah asked in surprise. “Why?”
“We didn’t have proper amnesiacs back then, so apparently we went with a policy of total extermination if like some weird disease which made your eyeballs sing popped up.” She watched as the quiet agent rubbed her eyes with a look of panic. “Yeah. But one day, of course, things began to fall apart. These fearless leaders, of which there were more of but I didn’t bother memorizing them when I was being told about this-”
“Who told you all this stuff anyway?” Wellstone said, leaning forward in his chair.
“Bob in Site Fifty.” She replied. “So The Prussian had always been a busybody, and kept a good grasp of what his subordinates and colleagues were doing. So he told the Scotsman he was suspicious of the Moor. Always secluded, in far off regions and rarely even talking to her own men. The Scotsman too was kind of creeped out by the Moor, as the strain of talking to those beyonders and reading those weird books was clearly beginning to warp her body somewhat, and he believed that her mind would be soon to follow if it already wasn’t.”
“So she was… terminated?” Jeremiah asked.
“No. At first they asked her to instead remain in the library they had accumulated and hidden somewhere in Sweden, Little Alexandria they called it, after another library which held a great bit more information than Little Alexandria ever did. Too bad it is gone, where was I? Yes. She remained in there for some time. But she eventually began to leave again, insisting she work out on the field as everyone else did. See we didn’t have desk jobs really, everyone had to pull their weight no matter what rank they were. Apparently things were much worse back then than they are today. Betrayals could happen at any time. Indeed, the Moor was suspected of treason.”
“And then she died?” Wellstone said.
“No! Stop interrupting. So the Scotsman and the Prussian finally confronted her, away from the others and in secret. Sources say in the highest tower of Little Alexandria. The Moor insisted she had been doing no wrong, and that she only followed what she believed to be the best courses, to protect as many people as they all could and to hide away the weird things which plagued the world. The Prussian claimed she was merely building her own powers and men, while the Moor countered it was in fact the Prussian. Eventually the argument devolved into a fight!”
“A fight?” Wellstone repeated. “Now it’s interesting.”
“Yeah, a real full on battle. The Prussian set the place aflame as the Scotsman tried to shoot or cut down the Moor, who fought back with her strange ways. Little Alexandria burned down around them and we lost huge amounts of information. She brought forth dogs made of shadows and insidious hordes of skeletons-“
“Hordes?” The quiet agent tipped her head.
“Okay, maybe I’m embellishing a teeny bit.” She sighed, rolling her eyes. “It was a few skeletons, not an army. But it really was quite a battle. The Prussian and the Scotsman won by shoving her through one of the portal things she was using to drag out those dogs.”
“Wow.” Jeremiah said. “So she finally died.”
“They moved out of Sweden and relocated, but they never managed to reclaim all that lost knowledge, and eventually the Prussian did betray the organization along with many others, and poisoned the Scotsman while stealing half of the rebuilt library. His little group continued up until World War One, when we finally crushed them once and for all. The Scotsman spent his last years trying to organize and catalogue everything, and wrote his testament to all the events which happened in his life. This is why we know of the Moor, since she had been pretty much expunged from all sources.”
“That was a pretty good story.” Wellstone said, nodding before getting up. “I need to go though, oh hi.” He stopped as another man walked over.
“You guys new?” He asked.
“Yes sir.” Jeremiah replied.
“Ah well, I’m Ruiz and don’t listen to Massi’s stories. She just likes making things up to make it seem like she knows more than she does.”
“Pfft Ruiz you’re just mean.” Massi laughed.
Ruiz looked at the little group at the table, then gestured to the door. “Come on, have you guys been given a full on tour? Orientation doesn’t show half of this place.” The two agents still sitting both got up, and the three went out the door, Ruiz following.
Massi sat alone in the break room, staring at the wall when the door suddenly opened. She did not turn around though. “Oh you’re back.” She said.
“I believe you.” It was the quiet agent.
“You must have watched too many cartoons when you were a kid.”Massi snorted. “Get going, Ruiz might get angry at you for dawdling or whatever.”
The quiet agent shuffled around a bit before stepping back. “Bye then.” She mumbled, closing the door.
“I didn’t say you were wrong though.”
Things I hate that got deleted and I keep around to remind myself that no matter what I can't do worse then them.
Item #: SCP - 1449
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1449 must be contained in a 1.5m x 1.5m airtight steel box coated with SCP-148. It is imperative that the box be kept suspended in mid-air by 5m long ropes on each of the box’s faces. This is vital if SCP-1449 is to be contained due to a high frequency it creates while moving.
There are to be at least 2 guards monitoring the room twenty four hours a day, 7 days a week. No one is to enter the room due to SCP-1449’s high level of aggressive behavior and unpredictability.
Retrieval: The small impish like creature was first discovered in [DATA EXPUNGED], Alabama (██-██-████) when several young children were mutilated from the neck up. The police never found any evidence of who the culprit of the crime was.
Several years later (██-██-████) a similar attack was reported in which another student of an elementary school was brutally killed through face mutilation. Evidence, however, for this crime was found. Within the recesses of the [REDACTED]’s bedroom was a journal which contained the entries of ████████’s experiences before death. ████████ reported seeing strange splotches of blackness out of the corners of ████████’s eyes for several weeks before the incident. It was even recorded that at night while ████████ was lying in bed, ████████ heard strange gasping noises seemingly coming from directly outside of the bed sheet covers.
The victim's last entry showed extreme paranoia and terror and for the safety of staff members, the journal's final entry has been highly classified to level 4 agents and higher. The creature was finally captured on ██-██-████ after twenty agents were sent to the region in which the creature had been reportedly seen. SCP-1149 killed three agents brutally before it could be captured in the same steel box it is held in today.
Description: SCP-1449 has larger pointy ears that spiral away from its head, which is its most distinct feature. It is about 2 feet tall (while standing at full height) and weighs a mere 30lbs. Its eyes are fairly large and have extremely dilated pupils surrounded by very intense green eyes. It stands hunched as it moves very swiftly as it seemingly can defy gravity and climb walls at a rapid pace. When enraged, SCP-1449 will begin to vibrate at an extremely high frequency in which it can “teleport” small distances. SCP-1449 makes no sounds as it moves, remarkably, and kills its victims with very large, sharp, and rounded claws on its hands. SCP- 1449 also requires no air to breathe, as discover by Dr.██████. For unknown reasons, SCP-1449 always lunges at the face of the victim and finishes them by mutilation of the face and eyes. Agent ██████ is the only living person who has survived SCP-1449’s attack to describe what signs the victim can observe before being attacked. This data is in the archives but is highly classified and is only viewable to class 4 agents or higher.
hello ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. ………………………………….