what

"How the fuck did they find us?!"

"Wha? What's happening?" The Wizard yawned, rolling out of the top bunk and floating gently onto the floor as his robe's wards kicked in.

"Jailors, wizard! On your feet," the Artificer yelled, reaching into a pocket and retrieving a smartphone, "and take this."

"Fuck. Okay. So much for a secure Waystation." The Wizard stood, taking the smartphone and realising it reflected everything wrong. "Why are you giving me this?"

"You are the most likely to escape." The Artificer pulled a long piece of metal from a pocket entirely too small. "Use your portals." The Artificer pulled a hammer from nowhere. "Get it to another Hand member." The Artificer let the metal sit in the air in front of them, spinning gently, and set about it with the hammer "Anybody." The Artificer pulled their new gun from the air and racked the bolt. "I'm going to hold them off. You get to the bookshelf."

The Wizard looked horrified. "I.. I only came here as a stop between fictional worlds! I just wanted to explore The Disc and Mid-"

The Artificer sighed, looking tired. "We all only wanted to use the Ways in peace, Wizard. Get out or get captured. They've already shut down the normal Ways!" The Artificer left the dormitory, leaving the Wizard along with six empty bunks, a pocketful of spells, and a robe full of wards.

"Right. Right. The bookshelf. I can portal out." The Wizard pulled a small stick from an inside pocket and, shaking it like an action movie shotgun, enlarged it to a full staff. He winced at the sound of gunfire and took a left out of the door, passing the bathrooms, and running almost directly into the barrel of a rifle pointed mercifully in the wrong direction.

"HOS-" The Jailor's words were cut off as the the panicking Wizard swung the staff like a battleaxe and knocked him down, and broke to the left running for the back stairs to the common area.

The next Jailor was more alert and the Wizard was greeted with a shotgun blast to the face - which dissipated into the sparkles of a ward running out of energy. The Wizard pointed his staff at the Jailor then swung it behind himself, flinging the Jailor in the direction he had come from as a fish on a line.

"Fuck! Okay. No time to lose." The Wizard drew a circle around himself with his staff on the floor and jumped up in the air, stomping straight through it and into the common area, dodging a bullet by seconds and dropping a foot of stone floor onto another Jailor soldier's shoulder by accident. Closely surrounded, the Wizard muttered a Word, spun the staff low around him as soldiers turned in shock, catching most of them on the knee and knocking them further back than such a blow would suggest.

Turning again, the Wizard strode forward and pushed a Jailor scientist out of the way of the bookshelf with one hand, sending papers flying as he spun his staff up with the other hand, twirling it like an oversized baton. A portal appeared in front of the staff as gunfire tore a nearby painting to shreds and the Wizard dove through it, hoping for Mirkwood.


The man who just missed shooting the wizard from the floor cursed and took to his feet unsteadily. "Charlie squad, roll call!"
Another man clambered up, holding his arm. "Charlie two, broken arm. I'll live."
A man stood from atop astricken couch"Charlie three, all good."
"Charlie four, head wound. Nothing serious."
"…"
"Charlie five? Awwh fuck. Okay. Next."
"Charlie six, all good."
"Charlie seven, dislocated shoulder."
"…"
"Charlie eight? Goddammit. Next!"
"Charlie nine, broken wrist. I've got the Researcher too. He's okay."
"Researcher Devon, all good but… that clipboard that ended up on the shelf doesn't look right at all."
"Who cares about a fu- oh shit actually you might have a point. Is that writing itself? Who the fuck is Bob?"

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