Spite that didn't work

Item #: SCP-2489

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: The containment records of SCP-2489 are held in Site-77's archive. Containment lockers are to be kept available in the event that entities which become classified as SCP-2489 manifest themselves.

Description: SCP-2489 is a taco capable of communicating verbally and limited movement. It contains honey, pork, oregano, garlic, red cabbage, and corn. The lettuce on SCP-2489 bounces up and down when it verbalizes, but other than that no source of the sound has been located. SCP-2489 does not acknowledge its status as a foodstuff.

When communicating with researchers, SCP-2489 identifies itself as "Eric" and claims to be a paraplegic child. Communication has been limited due to SCP-2489's hostility towards Foundation researchers and personnel.

History: SCP-2489 was discovered in a Mexican restaurant located in Davie, FL, when it attempted to communicate to a customer it had been served to. It claimed to have fled with its mother to the restaurant, and requested shelter.

In addition, an unmarked tin can containing approximately 500g of ground beef was found in an alley behind the restaurant. It was able to vocalize in a manner similar to SCP-2489, with the lid of the can flapping as it vocalized. It communicated to the Foundation that it had been traveling with its son and other entities, but that an indeterminate obstacle had forced them to take refuge in the restaurant. Before containment could be enacted, stray dogs attacked the agents and terminated the entity.

SCP-2489 was classified as Safe on 05/12/2001.

Addendum: Shortly after containment, the following document was delivered to the personal home of a Foundation administrator involved with the containment of SCP-2489.

TO SCP FUND
NOTICE THAT YOU ARE HARBORING ILLEGAL FUGITIVES AGAINST INTER[illegible] LAW AND THIS ACTION WILL BE MET WITH FORCE UNLESS SAID FIGUTIVES ARE RELEASED TO AN ARBITRATOR FROM THE PLANE WHERE EYES CANNOT SEE, OPEN SCREAMING MOUTHS
HOFUSS, 16th ELRICHIAN PARTY MANIFEST REPRESENTATIVE
GOD SAVE HIS/HER/THEIR/ITS/ZE/XE/JA MAJESTY

No further action was taken at this time.

Addendum: On 2/13/2006, a large ripe tomato was noted by Foundation motion trackers to be within the ventilation units of SCP-2489. Foundation security personnel were able to track and isolate the entity, which vocalized that it was 'here to save my family' and attempted to launch itself at a Foundation Agent, resulting in its self-termination. The agent was not injured.

Follow-up analysis of the breach revealed that the tomato had apparently been a part of a normal shipment of vegetables to the Site-77 mess hall. Review of security footage showed that the entity had attempted to enter the containment area and the site armory prior to entering the vents, and was unsuccessful in both of those attempts. The following document was found at the bottom of the tomato carton the entity originated from.

YOu bastards take my child, then my wife, then my dog? Well I'm nt going to stand by and let the police take it away. You're all goind down, buddy, whether you like it or not. I'm coming for you. Hold the phone.

A full upgrade to the mess hall security measure is ongoing.

Addendum: On 11/22/2014, several massive tomatoes, estimates to be 900% larger than the previous entity, suddenly manifested around SCP-2489's containment area. These entities had assault weapons embedded in their skin, and overpowered local security. They proceeded to seize SCP-2489, then exit the containment area, where they de-manifested. 3 security officers were injured.

Approximately two weeks later, a diplomatic cable was received to a Foundation embassy in Berlin, warning of 'serous reprisals' if more instances of SCP-2489 were contained, and provided contact information should future incidents occur. As such, in the interest of avoiding interdimensional incidents, SCP-2489 has been classified as Neutralized until further notice.

Aluminium-rubber *WHAT*

Item #: SCP-2614

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2614 is to be kept within a secure 40x40x40cm 3cr13 stainless steel locker at Site-19. All personnell handling SCP-2614 are to wear flexible aluminium-rubber alloy suits to prevent exposure to SCP-2614's effects. Access to SCP-2614 is prohibited to all without Level 4+ authorization to prevent misuse. Any organic matter comes into contact with SCP-2614 is to be terminated immediately, including human tissue to prevent spread of SCP-2614's anomalous effects.

Description: SCP-2614 is a ████-█████ brand escrima stick measuring 81.3cm in length and 2.5cm in width. SCP-2614 was manufactured in █████, England and has no different visible features of an escrima stick of the same brand. When SCP-2614 comes into contact with any non-organic matter, the matter will instantly vaporise, with the exceptions of:

• Aluminium-rubber Alloy
• 3cr13 Stainless Steel
• Polypropylene
• Iridium

The reason as to why these materials are immune to SCP-2614's affects is currently unknown.

Organic matter appears to be extremely resistant to SCP-2614's effects, taking hours if not days to fully vaporise (organic matter does not have to be touching SCP-2614 constantly to vaporise). If any organic matter touches anything already affected by SCP-2614, it's anomalous effects will spread to that matter. This can, in the right circumstances, cause massive damage to forests, grasslands and heavily populated areas (e.g. cities or ants' nests). Permission to test on SCP-682 is pending.

"To be fair, I think testing this thing on 682 would be a great idea, I would love to see that damn lizard adapt to this."- Dr █████

Discovery: SCP-2614 was brought to the Foundation's attention after a ████-█████ factory was destroyed in █████, England. Reports of one of the escrima sticks going "haywaire" and "melting" the factory caused Foundation agents to investigate. SCP-2614 had landed safely on a plate of polypropylene, which stopped it from causing further damage. ██ agents were lost during the recovery of SCP-2614, and a further ██ required medical attention before SCP-2614 could be handled properly, and with the right material.

Addendum 2614-1:

Test Log 1:

Item: SCP-2614
Material: Thin sheet of aluminium

Method: SCP-2614 dropped via polypropylene arm onto aluminium sheet

Result: SCP-2614 instantly vaporises all aluminium in its path, leaving a charred hole in the sheet.

Test Log 2:

Item: SCP-2614
Material: Rubber

Method: SCP-2614 dropped via polypropylene arm onto a thin layer of rubber

Results: SCP-2614 instantly vaporises all rubber in its path, leaving a charred hole.

Addendum 2614-2:

Research is currently being conducted to find out why aluminium-rubber alloy is not affected by SCP-2614, but aluminium and rubber by themselves are.

"There's got to be something we're missing here, it's exactly the same stuff just bonded to gether. Further research is to be conducted as soon as possible"- Dr █████

Circle Strafing

Item #:SCP-2043

Class: Euclid

Containment Procedures: SCP-2043 is to be kept in a eight (8) meter thick concrete containment unit, the perimeter being a forty(40) meter by forty(40) meter by forty(40) meter cubic cell . When feeding SCP-2043, which mainly eats spinal cords of mammals (Mammalia), a hazmat suit must be worn to protect the personnel entering the containment unit from radiation, which lingers around from the radium-226 which is sprayed onto the walls (see Addendum SCP-2043-A). Food must be administrated directly into SCP-2043’s mouth; subject should be sedated; and then, amputated. Only four (4) limbs should remain out of the twenty-two (22) arms and two (2) legs, which are two (2) arms, and two (2) legs. The amputated limbs should be incinerated. When cleaning SCP-2043’s bodily waste, subject should be removed from containment unit and moved to secondary cell, which is a five (5) meter by five (5) meter by ten (10) meter cell. If SCP-2043 gets out of control, two (2) personnel must enter SCP-2043’s containment unit while wearing the appropriate clothes for SCP-2043’s radioactive containment unit. Once in, personnel must attempt to sedate SCP-2043, and amputate it. If SCP-2043 continues to struggle, then personnel must forcefully amputate SCP-2043. If all of the above fails, then twenty (20) personnel enter the containment unit and fire at SCP-2043 with sedative and paralytic tranquilizer darts until subject is incapacitated, or temporarily dead. In the event of SCP-2043’s containment breach, All personnel in the site with a gun must circle SCP-2043 and fire at it until it leaves nothing but a mangled body. The circular formation is to confuse SCP-2043, as it is not very intelligent.

Description: SCP-2043 is a genetically mutated human (Homo Sapien), found in Norilsk, Russia, terrorizing the area, and killing massive amounts of humans and animals alike. SCP-2043 has an appearance of a male human (Homo Sapien), although it has no internal or external reproductive organs of the male gender, nor female gender. Subject has a constant height of six (6) feet, seven (7) inches, and weighs around two thousand and forty (2040) pounds, which is considerably heavy for SCP-2043’s size. When successfully contained, SCP-2043 had twenty-four (24) limbs, twenty-two (22) of which were arms, which are symmetrically place along SCP-2043’s back. The frontal arms are the shortest, being four (4) meters long, and the others eight (8) meters long. These are amputated when they exceed a length of 1 foot, as SCP-2043 gets out of control due to unknown physiological reasons. SCP-2043 also seems to be able to regenerate, but it takes several weeks for subject to fully regrow limbs, and for more complex organs, such as the heart and the brain, months to years. Subject has no confirmed identity, as its fingerprints are constantly changing, although it is not known why this happens. SCP-2043 is able to speak twenty-four (24) languages, which are English, Russian, Polish, French, Italian, German, Lithuanian, Dutch, Estonian, Finnish, Latvian, Spanish, Norwegian, Slovak, Romanian, Serbian, Ukrainian, Latin, Swedish, Turkish, Portuguese, Irish, Greek, and Czech. When SCP-2043 is not feed for long periods of time, or all of its limbs have grown back fully, SCP-2043 will kill everything in its path and eat there spinal cords. At this stage, if SCP-2043 gains enough momentum, it can potentially become unstoppable, destroying everything in its path, and combining this with its immense weight, it will be able to break through even some of the strongest materials. It can become incapacitated from breaking through thick, heavy materials, however.

Addendum SCP-2043-1: When exposed to gamma radiation, SCP-2043 seems to be sluggish and less aggressive, so it has be requested to have SCP-2043’s containment unit to be sprayed down with liquid radium-226. The request was accepted.

Addendum SCP-2043-2: After several days of repeated charging at the door, SCP-2043 was able to breach containment and killed forty-seven (47) personnel, before they were able to take the subject down. Ever since the breach, SCP-2043 containment unit’s security was boosted.

Addendum SCP-2043-3: During another interview, SCP-2043 breached containment again, while being escorted out of the interview chamber. Subject tore apart the compound before being sedated and brought back to containment unit. SCP-2043 cannot leave containment unit anymore.

What the hell

Item #: SCP-1952

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: The subject is to be given whatever he requests to avoid angering him. Should the subject reach to point of violence, it is recommended that all staff be evacuated until the subject is able to calm himself down. As there is no material to really keep him from getting loose, it is recommended that all staff attempt to make the environment at the site desirable enough to the subject that he not want to leave. This does not however, mean trying to seduce him. Doing so will quickly insight anger and rage from the subject. The Foundation is not responsible for any burns that may result from an attempt to do so.

“Do not try to trick or outsmart the subject. Odds are, with his IQ he'd outsmart most of our guards and D-class. He's brutally powerful, but he's also a genius.” Dr. Heikkila

Description: The phoenix was discovered when reports came in regarding an entire city block being reduced to a pile of smoldering rock. The subject resembled a humanoid standing at about five foot four inches, completely engulfed in flames and boasting two large, avian wings. It's abilities are vast and dangerous. It is capable of moving at speeds in excess of 258 mph using superheated air streams produced along it's wings. The subject demonstrates the ability to not only produce massive quantities of fire, but is able to manipulate flames and any objects that the subject had lit on fire. Attempts have been made to assault the subject with conventional firearms, which resulted in a temporary increase of temperature. A fire extinguisher was used to attempt to contain the subject during initial recovery, which only seemed to agitate it, causing him to destroy the fire extinguisher, but spare the life of the agent holding it.

When a fireproof suit was used try and allow personnel to grab the subject it was discovered that he also possessed incredible strength, breaking free as well as flinging the personnel aside. After exhausting all means of containing the subject it was decided he was too dangerous to leave in containment and 05 issued the command to detonate a nuclear warhead in its immediate vicinity. However, the blast itself seemed to have no effect, with the subject simply absorbing the heat produced and weathering out the radiation with no known effect. The subject then demonstrated an even more formidable ability, melting nearby stone and forming the magma into a dragon like body around itself. This new entity proceeded to go an a rampage, as where the subject originally seemed to be trying to defend itself. The dragon was able to spew magma, which reduced its size, and was also able to melt stone to increase its size.

Eventually agents were able to coax it into expelling all of its magma, causing it to revert to its original, more birdlike form. It was at this point that the subject began to speak, asking why the foundation had attacked it. Although agents expected it to begin communication eventually, they did not know how it obtained knowledge of the foundation. When agents explained that they wished to reduce the threat to local populace, the subject offered to go to one of the foundation's containment facilities, provided the agents would show the way. When asked why he suddenly complied with the foundation's intentions, he explained that he had created the crater as a sort of safe haven where “other humans wouldn't bother me or put themselves at risk.” It was at this point that the flames around the subject began to dissipate, revealing a young Caucasian male, approximately age fifteen with blonde hair and blue eyes.

As he stated, the boy returned with agents, although flying overhead with the use of his now white, more birdlike wings. Upon arriving at containment site [REDACTED], the subject requested an anvil and some tools. Fearing another outburst or conflict, an anvil and basic smithing tools were provided. The subject thanked the personnel operating the forklift and proceeded to lift the anvil in one arm while carrying the tools in his other hand. At this point the subject arranged the objects in a fashion resembling a regular smithy without the forge. The subject then turned to the wall and melted a small chunk of the steel with a mere touch and collecting the ball of cooled metal in his hand. Using his touch, the subject has produced several works of steel, primarily swords, shields and armor. To avoid the destruction of foundation property, the subject must be given at least 100 pounds of high grade steel to work each week. If more material is requested it is recommended that it be provided.

The subject has also taken to creating objects requested by staff members such as metal roses and custom parts for firearms. The subject has a sudden tendency to breach containment at the first mention of a breach at another facility. He has always returned a variable amount of time later. So far the only measures discovered to discourage his attempts to leave have been met with increased resistance. However, it was later revealed that he had been heading off to aid in reestablishing containment at other facilities leading to 05 ordering the construction of a special hatch in the subject's containment cell to allow him to come and go at will.

One experiment to try and discover a weakness involved waiting until the subject fell asleep. At this point a D class was told to smash the subject upside the head with a stick. When he attempted to do so, the subject rolled of the bed in a fluid motion, igniting the bed and using the flames to flip it over and propel the bed along with the D-class into the ceiling. This revealed the more defensive nature of the subject seeing as the D-class was unharmed. Experiments involving emotional provocation of the subject are strictly prohibited as to avoid another massive loss of personnel. If any personnel wish to ask the subject “if you have a light”, be warned, as you may lose all clothing and facial hair. Smoking in or around the subject's room will be left to the subject to deal with. Any discipline regarding the subject will be carried out by the subject himself.

Currently, it has been found that the subject is incredibly cooperative, and will provide as much information as possible. The following is an attempt to ascertain the origin of the subject's incredible power and high temperatures.

Interviewed: SCP-1962

Interviewer: Zander Heikkila (Dr. Heikkila)

Foreword: Interview took place six hours after the subject agreed to enter containment.
<Begin Log>
Subject: so, doc, what is it you wanted to know this time?
Dr.: well, boy, we want to know, how did you get this power of your?
Subject: I have to say, I'm not entirely sure. It just kind of happened one day. I was minding my own business, walking through the hallways at my high school when I saw this total jerk trying to rape a girl. The guy claimed he didn't even know who she was until I told him I knew her. Then he started laughing, kept on going, cramming the poor girl into a locker so he wouldn't get caught.
Dr.: I'm sorry to interrupt, but how does this relate to your flames?
Subject: hang on, I'm getting to that. Anyways, the guy just kept trying to piss me off, and the angrier I got, the hotter I felt inside. I got so mad that I felt like my innards were on fire. So I tried to let it out, and BOOM, the guy went up in flames! After that, things just kept getting weirder and weirder, hotter and hotter. The wings just sprouted up out of nowhere. They took me almost a year to get used to.
Dr.: So, wait a minute, how long have you had these powers?
Subject: Almost a year now. I spent a lot of time learning how to use them. They got to be too much for me to use around other people without hurting them. Hey, that gives me an idea!
Dr.: And what is that son?
Subject: Why don't I help Cane and his crew? I bet I'd be a pretty good addition to the team! Maybe he and I could even spar sometimes or something?
Dr.: Well, I guess I can ask him what he thinks. So is this all you know about your powers and where they came from? Can you tell me anything else that could have caused such a change in you body?
Subject: Nope. Sorry sir, that's all I really know. I just know that it can be a bit of a burden having this much power in my hands. It was tempting at first to test my limits, attack someplace to see what I could handle. But then I realized how many people that could potentially hurt, kill even, just to test myself. Then I thought, maybe I could even take over the world, but then that would be even worse. So, I settled on finding the least populated, most dilapidated area I could and unleashing my flames to try and get your attention. Then you would try to lock me away, keeping others safe, and I could possibly be of aid to you and your quest to protect people. That's why I started to forge tools for you guys. As a matter of fact, I forged you something when I first got my stuff. Here, it's a special sword and shield I made in case of another containment breach if I can't find you in time.
Dr.: What makes it so special?
Subject: It's a bulletproof shield and a katana, which can cut a man from collar bone to hip bone in a single stroke. It should be pretty useful since a gun can only hold so many bullets.
Dr.: thank you. That is all I needed. You may return to your room now…if you like.
Subject: alright, see you later Zander.
Dr.:How…wha-…how do you know my name?
Subject: my, my, you really don't remember me do you? Ah well, I guess that's a discussion for another time isn't it old friend? Goodbye for now.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: At this time it was assumed that somehow the subject knew Dr. Heikkila from high school or at sometime before either of them became part of the Foundation. Dr. Heikkila was able to eventually confirm knowing a boy who very closely resembled the subject in his more angel like form, albeit without wings. “Am I the only one concerned by the fact that I knew this kid, forgot his name and now he's got the power to wipe us all out by playing tag? And I no one figured it out until he showed up on our doorstep, offering to help for no reason? I'm just glad he came to an old friend and not one of our enemies. Just think what might have happened if the wrong people got to this kid first!” Dr. Heikkila.

Addendum:
“Do not provoke the subject to a state of anger or rage. If this happens it is possible that due to the fact that this thing is a walking sun, it could potentially cause an XK-class scenario. While he may act docile and friendly, he is incredibly dangerous, and he should be regarded as such. To keep him calm he has asked that all personnel refrain from cursing, smoking, speaking of vulgar topics, and romantic approaches while within his containment chamber.” -Dr. Heikala

Many tests and experiments have been attempted on SCP-1952. Below are some examples.

The Virus that Walks

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: All personnel researching SCP-1293 are to wear biohazard suits at all times.
SCP-1293 is to be contained in an airtight, 1m x 1m x 3m biological hazard containment cell at Site-███. The containment cell is to be sealed off from the ventilation of Site-███. No living organism is allowed inside the containment cell. In the event of a containment breach, all on-site personnel at the time of the breach are to be detained in airtight emergency vaults. There is to be a maximum of 2 personnel per vault. Personnel should be detained for at least two days. After this period is up, personnel involved will be met with adequate decontamination.

All personnel who were not involved in the incident will wear biohazard suits on-site until the site is effectively decontaminated.
Any outbreaks are to be treated accordingly to the total population of the city, and the total population of those infected. If the city’s population contains greater than 16,000 residents, and there are less than 301 infected, then the infected are to be captured and shot. The city should then be monitored for 5 months afterward, to prevent any more outbreaks in said city. If the city’s population contains less than 16,001 residents, and has more than 300 infected, then all infected are to be captured and shot. The city should then be monitored for 5 months. If there are any more infected in the city, then the city is to be quarantined by use of a large glass dome structure, to prevent the escape of any dust particles or people. Any cities or towns within a 500 kilometer radius are to be monitored for 3 years and 6 months. All communication signals in the town are to be cut off immediately to prevent any resident inside from revealing information on the outbreak. Any roads leading to the city are to be removed or rerouted.

Should a city have to be bombed with napalm, it must be approved by at least 3 persons of 05 command.

Description: SCP-1293 is a virus that was first discovered on ██/█/██ when a town in ██████, ███ was getting reports of people with very large open wounds on their arms. After the virus was contained in a temporary biological storage vial, the town was bombed with napalm and the resulting fire was blamed on a nearby forest fire that was occurring at the time.

SCP-1293 replicates by attaching itself to the cells of dust mites, and inserting its RNA into the cells. SCP-1293 then reproduces inside the dust mite. Once the dust particle that the dust mite resides on is inhaled by a human, the virus will kill the dust mite and begin reproducing in the human. Upon entering a human body, it will infect red blood cells. The host will develop a rash on their arms, and anywhere from 3 hours to 4 weeks after infection, the virus will cause very large abscesses on the host's arms. After approximately one day, the abscesses will burst open and cause multiple open wounds on the arm. Because of the virus’ nature to infect blood cells, it will prevent the blood from clotting at the open wounds, and increase infection rates to other humans tremendously. SCP-1293 also damages the nerves in the arms, rendering them completely useless.

Upon further investigation, it has been revealed that the virus will hijack nerve cells and create a mass of nerve tissue in the infected arm's hand. This tissue serves as a central brain for the mass of viruses, and at this point in the infection, the viruses act like a hive cluster. It was further revealed that this nerve tissue will eventually grow up the arm, allowing for control of it. If the host is not dead, the nerve tissue will continue to infest the body and eventually the body will serve as a breeding ground for the virus. To date, there have been █ cases of the nerve tissues growing into the legs and allowing the virus to walk around and infect more people.

There is currently no cure to SCP-1293.

Frosty the white penguin

Item #: SCP-1508

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1508 is to be contained in a 50mx50m artificial pool deep five (5) meters in its deepest point,with an approximated volume of three million liters,provided of three (3)small islands of different shapes,covered of various anti-freezing substances,housed at Bio-Site 66.The water has to be changed periodically.The creature must be feed with two (2) kg of Atlantic Bluefin tuna twice a day.

Description: SCP-1508 is a young male albino specimen of Aptenodytes forsteri 92 cm tall and with the weight of 30 kg,dearly called by the personnel “Frosty”.

SCP-1508 doesn’t show its anomalous properties until it is on a dry land or ice.When it’s body is wet or partially or totally immersed in water,the animal won’t show any anomalous ability.

When any living organism of a weight superior of 40kg enters in a prolonged contact with 1508,like touching it or just being in a small inside area for a lapse of time superior of ten (10) minutes,it will fall in a sort of trance and start to slowly pet the penguin,whenever it is a human or not.After five minutes of relentless petting,small pieces of crystalized ice will start to form on the subject’s hand (or pawn) that will slowly expand all over its body,until it’s completely frozen.The complete freezing process will take from ten (10) minutes to one (1) hour,depending on the subject’s size.

After it’s victim’s whole body is frozen,1508 will remove a small piece of ice from it and [DATA EXPUNGED].

Agent Orange

I wasn't the only one with that designation. Every GOC cell had dedicated agents to each Threat type… you know, like we'd have an Agent Blue for regens, Agent Purple for transpaths. Not too many Agent Grays any more, we took care of that. But I was in charge of Type Orange threat entities in the midwest, so I was our cell's Agent Orange.

Then, of course, the Vietnam War happened, and introducing yourself as "Agent Orange" to people wasn't really the best idea. Not to mention that once, a bunch of hippies stopped a train I was catching, because it was carrying "Agent Orange".

So I put in a request for the name Agent Tangerine, and that's what I've gone by ever since. Even after joining up here.

Anyway, unlike most of the other Agents, my job was mostly political. It's obvious if you're in charge of Gray threats, you kill on sight, right? With Greens, that's normally the safest bet too. But I'm proud to say that for the entirety of my service at the GOC, I did not kill a single Orange threat.

Type Orange - Anomalously Perceptive Individuals. Sure, you're thinking psychics or something, right? That was really most of my job. Every time they found a nutjob going on about doomsday prophesies, or talking with ghosts, or seeing through walls, it was my job to verify it. Not directly, typically, but everything was verified. And every so often you'd hit gold, and we'd go and talk to them. Ask them to work with us at the GOC, or keep quiet about it. They didn't really count as threats, you know? They weren't innately hazardous, so we mostly didn't care. Live and let live.

But you see, Oranges are valuable. At the GOC we used to employ threats… skips, I mean. Not like here. Well, sure, you've got Able, but let's face it, that's just for keeping him busy. Another layer of containment. In the GOC we had Oranges all the way up the command chain, and nobody thought anything of it.

Because that's the thing, they're just people, right? They aren't superhuman, they can't shoot lasers from their eyes, or fly, or that freaky stuff that the Purples had to worry about. They just saw extra stuff, or heard it, or just somehow knew it. You know, I met a guy who could taste things by seeing them? That was it, that was his thing. Must have been 13 when I first met him. Here, you'd lock him up. We turned him into a Sniper that could literally taste his targets. He'd scan the horizon until he felt flesh or metal on his tongue, and that'd be the end of it. Limited to optical scopes though, of course, but he made up for it. Paired him with another Orange, actually.

Then there was this other guy… Darius, I think he was? Long dead by now, I think. He could feel electricity. I say feel, but it wasn't really a sense, he could just detect it. Knew where it was, where it was going. He could glance at a phone line and hear every voice pumping through it. Amazing stuff. But you'd lock him up and never let him out.

I guess I sort of feel sorry for the guys that we keep locked up in here. The humanoids, at least. They could be helping us, but even suggesting that sort of stuff is heresy, you know? Don't tell anyone I said this, but… I'm still rooting for the GOC, in a way. If they get to them before we do, they cover them up, take care of them. They can live normal lives if they want, or they can use what they can do for the safety of the world. At least they have a choice.

Of all the places they could stick me, they pick Site 17. The biggest humanoid containment site in the world. Listen to me, I'm talking like everyone else, now. "Humanoid". As though these guys aren't human. As though they aren't people.

Poor Iris.

Anti-energy metal

Item #: SCP-1293

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1293 is to be kept in a 12’ by 12’ by 8’ reinforced concrete cell furnished with a cot. The cell must be coated in anti-energy metal and carved with religious/occult symbols, all contained within a larger cell with similar protections. Musical instruments, star charts, paper and pen, and assorted fictional books may be given to SCP-1293 on subject’s request by personnel of security clearance level 2-3 wearing anti-energy armor. Similar precautions must be taken with personnel guarding SCP-1293’s cell. Under no circumstances should subject be allowed to leave cell.

Description: SCP-1293 appears to be a young, androgynous human with pale blue eyes, white hair, and extremely pale skin. Subject is commonly described as “beautiful” by test subjects and personnel. On examination of SCP-1293’s back, two 18” long scars were found. Beneath scars, bones and atrophied muscles appeared under medical examination. When asked about scars, subject remained silent or attacked violently. SCP-1293 has no other major distinguishing physical features. Subject is able to speak Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek, and Latin with fluency, as well as several unknown languages. SCP-1293 demonstrates telekinetic ability when tested using strands of wire in a sealed box, and abilities that mimic those of On-site links, though subject shows restraint in their usage. When recordings of SCP-1293 were played to non-religious test subjects from ages 16-34, all subjects displayed an overwhelming devotion to SCP-1293, and an immediate urge to obey any commands made in the recording. When the subjects were religious, only half displayed loyalty to SCP-1293. On an unrelated note, SCP-1535 displays severe aversion to religious/occult symbols and the name Michael. The subject also appears to be hostile to individuals that it knows to be human. SCP-1293 will ask the subjects if they are human, and will be hostile if test subjects/personnel respond positively. If SCP-1293’s attack is not stopped, subject will be killed and consumed entirely within 3 days. Any attempt to communicate with SCP-1293 during the 3-day period will result in personnel being attacked.
Testing with Class D personnel has revealed that SCP-1293 has high intelligence. SCP-1293 showed a high awareness of human social rules, and many, if not all, subjects requested permission to enter the cell outside of testing sessions. Subject also responded to insults with extreme aggression.

Addendum 01: SCP-1293 has recently displayed fluent usage of the English language. Several interviews were conducted to learn subject’s background. SCP-1293 answered only sporadically during interviews, and what answers the subject did give were contradictory. In addition, subject only responded to one question, “What is your name?”, with any regularity, however, in every interview conducted a different name was given. The names given were: Lumiel, Lumael, Loki, God, Hybris, Ishtar, Lucifer, Iblis, and [REDACTED]. Further study is required to gain consistent information on subject.

Addendum 02:After incident involving several test subjects, SCP-1293 has now been classified as Keter. Apparently, a particularly religious test subject called SCP-1293 the devil, and the subject responded with extreme hostility, killing all personnel within a 100’ radius. Testing has been ceased, and all human contact with SCP-1293 has been severely restricted. All attempts at sedating SCP-1293 have failed, and no further attempts should be made.

Because idiocy like this has to have a place.

Dear SCP Foundation,

We, at Standardization Science understand that you are upset at our recent actions. Our question to you is, why?
You claim that Standard Science is a "Spinoff" that we "have a battle to win". If this is the case why do you continue attempting to harass us. This behavior is similar to that of a threatens animal, you fear we will out-do you which is oh so easy and your correct to believe that. But, to assault Standard Science over similar website "rules" and "about us"pages has to be one of the most immature lines of thinking to date, and in doing so you're breaking your own rule, and I quote.

"Don't be a dick"

And because I'm not an adolescent minded imbecile, I'll respond to some of your comments that you posted on the scp wiki. instead of confronting myself through Personal Messaging. Although Dr. Bright did contact me, but oly tell me that "Spinoff" sires needed to give credit.

sorts

"I am going to keep watching this guy so that I can send a takedown request to Wikidot when he finishes ripping off all of our administrative text. Because now I want to."
So, basically, your going to stalk my page, and wait for me to make a mistake so you can have my wiki taken down? That's low, but expected from a wiki like SCP.

eric_h

"The Iske of Misfit Authors" huh?
You've been a memeber on the site since April, 25 2010 and still haven't reached maximum rank. But i'm the "misfit author"? Hah. ive had an account for two days and have nearly half your rank.

"Oh, this is classic…newbie doesn't like the feedback he gets here, so he says 'I know! I will MAKE MY OWN SITE and be KING! EMPEROR! GOD! MUAHAHAHA!' "
Wrong, I was actually fascinated by your site and wanted to make one where I could post my own SCPs. It was not because of the bad feedback I got, unlike some I actually read the rules and understand that criticism is natural. And you are neglecting your own rule at the same time.
The below post is from The SCP Foundation wiki.
"Don't feel bad if/when yours fails, but instead take the feedback and use it to make your next one even better. Don't dwell and complain how we removed it or people downvoted it for being blind to your genius. That sort of behavior is the most idiotic sort of thing anyone in this wiki knows about. You will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
//Your doing just that, I critisized your wiki, and now instead of "making it better", you insist on threats and claiming I want to be God. "That sort of behavior is the most idiotic sort of thing anyone in this wiki knows about. You will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

eskobar

"I am…mearly an ameture on the matter"
So, your going to give semi-legal advice, and your an ameture? Just get out.

zyn

"definently going to keep an ye on this one though"
Hah, as if you could resist! Standard Science (is/will be) 100x better than your SCP Foundation. Wake up.

soullesssingularity

"He's taken the rules page off I think and instead has opted to claim threats to dos him from us along with a cute "dear scp foundation" page."
"At the very least unless he wants to rip us off again he is out of our hair for now."
Right, I'm not even going to respond to this one, just note, This wiki started May 3, 2013. Here it is May 6, 2013 and your still lurking…

"Guh. At least we're not missing out on anything with him not contributing his "tests" here."
Ok, first. What is "Guh"? Second you sound like SCP is the best wiki on the web, the My Little Pony wiki is better in every aspect. Including the ponies.

dexanote

"Our battle is over."
I just want to know when this became a battle. I just started a wiki because I wanted to, not to get back at SCP, the personnel at SCP are just too immature, foolish and threatened to realize that. They believe their wiki is the best and anyone else pales in comparison. Your allowed to have your opinion…which is clearly out of line.

I'm sorry for the way you feel about this subject but the fact is, we at Standard Science are pushing the boundaries of science! …and your buttons obviously.

My best regards. (Not really)

-Dr. Shazak

Is this Sokal?

Documentation of SCP-1583 instance recovered during containment.

Item #: SCP-1583

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-1583 are to be held in individual pressurized containment units, located within Area-896. All chambers are fitted with devices preventing the SCP-1583 instances lids from opening. All instances of SCP-1583 must be held down with at least 2000psi being pressed at all times. In the event that a containment breach event occurs within the Foundation or other groups, the pressure being placed upon SCP-1583 instances must increase by 60% for each confirmed breach.

Foundation liaisons monitoring the "Global Occult Coalition" group of interest will report any movement or activity from sites confirmed to hold SCP-1583 instances. If the possibility arises to seize an instance from one of these locations, it should be acted upon immediately. Currently, the Foundation has contained 31 instances of SCP-1583.

Description: SCP-1583 designates an aluminum barrel designed for use in fallout shelters, built by the U.S government at some point between 1960 and 1973. The exteriors contains the information originally printed on them, in addition to this notice:

When opened, instances of SCP-1583 will release thin, white threadlike organisms, which will bind together in order to form a large appendage. SCP-1583 will attempt to seize living subjects and bring them within its mass. Following this, the threadlike portions of its mass will disassemble the subject's body. Outer epidermis will be destroyed within 14 seconds of contact, followed by muscles and other tissue. The subject's skeletal structure will slowly dissolve over a period of 2-3 hours.

There is no observed limit to the quantity of this mass SCP-1583 is capable of releasing, with containment breaches in [REDACTED] reaching almost 600 meters above the instance. This organism is capable of opening SCP-1583 on its own, if there is nothing preventing it from exiting on the other side.

These entities are possible to destroy through application of extreme heat, but if additional instances of SCP-1583 breach containment or if containment of other organizations fail, the energy required to neutralize SCP-1583 entities increases. In addition, the mass and speed of emergence has increased over time, currently being at 200 kilograms of matter every 15 seconds. 4 instances of SCP-1583 have been destroyed by the Foundation since initial containment.

If an instance of SCP-1583 is opened, the pressure exerted by the organisms within all other SCP-1583 instances will increase by 60%, requiring additional pressure to prevent containment breaches. This new increase in force will be permanent, and no way of reducing or removing it has been found. The destruction of emergent SCP-1583 entities has been found to have no effect on the new forces produced by other instances of SCP-1583.

SCP-1583 was recovered on 9/19/1989, after an SCP-1583 entity breached from an instance stored within the [REDACTED] campus. Foundation agents were able to destroy the entity, and contain 20 instances of SCP-1583. During this time, SCP-1583 was classified as Euclid and contained within Site-77. However, approximately 6 months into containment, an uncontained instance was apparently breached, causing significant damage to Site-77. SCP-1583 reclassified as Keter.

Addendum: On 11/15/1999, Foundation assets were able to confirm that the GOC possessed instances of SCP-1583. The GOC is believed to have breached one instance in a 1990 destruction attempt, which caused the initial reclassification to Keter. Locations believed to posses additional instances of SCP-1583 put under close observation.

Addendum: GOC assets have attempted to destroy 2 instances of SCP-1583 in their possession, resulting in the confirmation of several facilities suspected of holding SCP-1583 instances, in addition to the location of several previously unknown GOC facilities. The use of SCP-1583 as a counterintelligence device has been denied, due to the involved risk of containment.

Addendum: Documents recovered on 04/18/2013 regarding SCP-1583.

…lieve that destruction can be attained if the entity is removed from range of its attack, perhaps dropping it from a great height or into an immovable area. It is possible that area(…)fficient for this purpose. We believe that the simultaneous destruction of all objects in our possession will prevent the previous failure. They tried it one-at-a-time, which caused the remaining containers to become much more potent. We have them all now, and wont make the same mistake twice.
Dr. Hadswood.

Electro gypsy entity

The entity is able to travel through arcs of lightning

Item #: SCP-1988

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The entity exists as a form of semi-sentient electric energy. Therefore, extreme measures must be taken to ensure its continued imprisonment inside the closed circuit suspended in its cell.

The electro-entity in encased in a large but similar module of a common household battery. The spherical battery is encased in a layer of rubber, approximately 1 foot thick. During the detainment of SCP-1988, the cell was filled with a heavily durable form of resin, which hardened, suspending the battery and utterly cutting off any chance of contact with conductive materials.

Under no circumstances is this cube of resin to be contacted with open skin, as SCP-1988 is able to trigger acute nervous convulsions. The entity’s origins are unknown, but it is extremely well adapted to manipulate the mind of Humans.

Description: SCP-1988 is what has been declared an electro-entity. Before its detainment by the foundation, it was known to travel through cloud systems, and from what documents have been gathered, seems to have existed everywhere across the globe at once.
The entity can be described as an electric rubber band, stretched out across the earth’s electric system. The question of detainment was to extract the Entity without dividing it. This was achieved on ██/██/1994, through an elaborate system of electrical rods planted across the globe. This worldwide effort was executed by one of the foundations various fronts.

The entity seems to have a developed bitter hatred towards humans in only recent history, namely with the development of wireless technologies and radio. There are reports of individuals hearing malicious voices in their head heeding them to destroy equipment and murder other induviduals. These cases are commonly people who spend many hours of each day handling wireless radio and satellite equipment, and in rare cases have been known to be taken over entirely, causing damage and yelling incomprehensible nonsense.

In one case, a carrier class vessel under the command of the United Stated Navy was infected by the entity. The USS ██████ carries reports of as much as three of every four crewmen experiencing the symptoms, and many documents describe the ship’s electrical equipment acting on its own accord. The ship had severed all contact a few days after leaving port in 19██. The ship was found a week or so later, with no traces of life whatsoever, and no human remains on-board. The conclusion was met that the crew must have been cast overboard voluntarily.

It’s arguable that SCP-1988 deserves the class of keter, but seeing as it’s containment requires such little maintenance, euclid is quite appropriate.

Psychotic counselling

Item #: SCP-1293

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Artifact is stored on a 20 cm x 2 cm x 1.5 cm chrome-alloy surface in a humidity-controlled, locked room. Access is restricted to Level 4 personnel only. Artifact is to be inspected regularly for evidence of contamination by organic matter via electronic surveillance, Level 1 personnel permissable. Under no circumstances should the artifact physically contact moisture exceeding 15% RH. Any humidity indicator reading above 10% RH within the containment area will initiate Site lockdown.

Description: Artifact is a flat, 17.5 x 1.25 x 0.75 cm polyhedron containing 1,093 individual 0.03 x 0.03 x 1.3 cm coils of similar substance which all attach perpendicular to object at one end; these appear to be clustered in groups of varying number, with most clusters numbering between 36 and 39 coils, giving 27 clusters total. Artifact's substance is of indeterminate composition, but closely resembles plastic in both appearance and tensile strength. Chemical analysis is has so far yielded incomplete results.

Document Report of Dr. [██████]: Artifact was discovered in dormitory four (4) [██████] of [██████] University in [██████], June [██████]. Five (5) Foundation personnel secured artifact and sterilized a ten (10) meter area in the proximate vicinity using heated element of 1477.59 Kelvin, after which four (4) of said personnel were retained for psychotic counseling and subsequently given Class-C amnesiacs before mandatory referral to ongoing periodic physical and psychological evaluation. Agent [██████], as per recommendation [██████] by Dr. [██████] and Dr. [██████], was subsequently terminated on September [██████], [██████]. All humans within a thirty (30) meter radius of object's site of origin were administered Class-D amnesiacs and remain under surveillance. Digital networks of all humans with known possible connection to original victims remain closely monitored for changes in behavior and adverse effects. All traces, when possible, of victims involved have been [DATA EXPUNGED]. All other organic matter found in a 25 mile radius of object's origin not affected by object destroyed in blast furnace. Further testing requires special clearance.

The Big Cheese

Item #: SCP-1284

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1284 is to be stored in a locked, airtight steel box measuring 1x1x1 meters inside of a standard containment cell at all times. A minimum of two (2) guards are to be posted outside of SCP-1284's cell, and one (1) guard inside of its cell. Inside guard is to check for any damage to SCP-1284's cell or SCP-1284's steel box at 1-hour intervals. Any damage found should be reported to the Site Overseer immediately and a 4-man repair crew escorted by MTF Delta-616 ("The Cheesy Jokers") to SCP-1284's cell for repair. Research personnel are to gain permission from 2 Level 3 personnel before any contact or consumption of SCP-1284 Consumption of SCP-1284 is strictly forbidden as of 3/26/20██. (See Addendum B-02.)

SCP-1284 in containment before any taste tests were conducted

Description: SCP-1284 is a 6-kilogram, 50-centimeter diameter cheese wheel with no brand/store name tag or wrapper. Chemical tests have concluded that SCP-1284 is approximately 65% Gouda and 25% sharp cheddar, although the remaining 10% of its total mass remains unidentified. Previous taste tests have shown SCP-1284 to have a very unusual flavor; one researcher describes it as "chalky and metallic."

SCP-1284's main effect takes place anywhere from 2 hours to 3 days after a person consumes even a small portion of SCP-1284. Personnel will, at this stage, purchase and don a dark green Hugo Boss suit with black tie, a dark green beret with a golden ornamental eagle pinned to it, light and smoke a large cigar (seemingly produced from nowhere) and refer to themselves as "your boss." At this stage personnel are referred to as SCP-1284-1.

At 2-3 days after Stage 1, SCP-1284-1 will begin to gain height and weight in proportion to how much of SCP-1284 they initially consumed. For example, one D-class personnel consumed 4 grams of SCP-1284. During stage 2, he gained 40 centimeters in height and gained 40 kilograms of weight in body fat. In addition, SCP-1284-1's voice will become far deeper than normal vocal chord growth would normally permit.

At Stage 3, 6-8 days after initial consumption, SCP-1284-1's behavior will change drastically. SCP-1284-1 will become extremely vain and rude in their day-to-day communication and will begin to become physically violent with Foundation personnel of the opposite gender or those who do not follow his/her instructions, even to the point of sexual assault and (DATA EXPUNGED).

Addendum B-02:

The following is an excerpt from a written announcement by 05-█:

As of today, 3/26/20██, all Foundation personnel, regardless of status or rank, are permanently forbidden from eating any one piece of SCP-1284. Earlier in the morning yesterday a rouge D-Class under the memetic influence of SCP-1284 barged into my office after clearing out half a squadron of guards by body-slamming them, grabbed me by the collar and screamed in my face to get him a cup of coffee with "two lumps." After refusal he began to repeatedly slap me across the cheek, breaking my jawbone in 3 places and bursting a blood vessel. After a guard regained consciousness he wretched SCP-1284-1 off of me and terminated him. All things considered, termination of SCP-1284-1's are to take Bravo priority from this point onward, and so I have put a directive in to form Mobile Task Force Delta-616, AKA The Cheesy Jokers, to handle this task. All personnel caught eating SCP-1284 in order to exploit its memetic effects will be terminated with extreme prejudice. -05-█

ETERNITY CODE

Item #: SCP-1282

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1282 is to be kept stored on a ██████████ brand 1998 diskette encrypted in an eternity code programmed solely by Dr. ████. The diskette itself is not to be touched by anyone who has not been granted permission to do so by Dr. ████ himself, and permission has to be granted within two (2) meters of the diskette. If the diskette is dropped, broken, or otherwise harmed by anyone or anything, a single SCP field agent will terminate the aggressor within twenty-four (24) hours, or SCP-1282 will be considered a major threat to the Foundation. SCP-1282 must be kept in an aluminum carbonate lined pocket tailored onto Dr. ████'s coat when not attached to his office's computer module.

Description: SCP-1282, when uploaded to a computer's media viewer, will immediately bring up a Netscape Web-Navigator browser window and clear all other browsers on the computer. Within a period of five (5) minutes to thirty (30) days, SCP-1282 will program an IP address untraceable to any electronic device currently existing. A website will pop up in the browser, which will have an image of a cross-bred avian predator that will regularly peck or claw aggressively at the screen. If no attempt to move the computer's mouse or enter a phrase into the lone box on the screen within twenty-four (24) hours, the raptor will seem to materialize within twelve (12) inches of the computer's screen and begin to detonate data bombs in every electronic device through a single feather that the creature will try to insert into a device's USB port. The data bomb will override any computer system and entirely re-program it into a language similar to that of the JavaScript. If a single character is entered into the search box that will be presented to the user before the raptor appears, then the Navigator will close itself and open a program that can be used to access any mechanical or electrical unit within five-thousand (5,000) square kilometers. The program is able to change the physical appearance, operating system, inner components, and has been proven to create a semi-sentient creature with the brain power equal to that of a four- (4) year-old female child. SCP-1282 will remember everything it has been exposed to, and will show open emotion when it talks. It seems to have an attachment to Dr. ████, and will respond to any command he vocalizes within hearing distance of SCP-1282. In one of the rare moments when SCP-1282 has typed something into its own search engine, it has asked for Dr. ████ to come see 'him', as SCP-1282 refers to itself, and then inserted the phrase, "Hello, my beloved Creator. How has your day been?" Any and all attempts to have a conversation with SCP-1282 has been in vain, with no more than one (1) response per conversation.

Addendum: Foundation technicians have attempted to find out the age of SCP-1282, how it came to the Foundation, and how the raptor appears, but their results lead to Dr. ████, even though he insists that the first diskette was simply, "Found on his desk one day." Agent ████████████, who was the first person to see the avian predator, described the creature as one of beauty, and only could dream of how it came to be. Agent ███████ promptly shot the winged animal seven (7) times after it was caught trying to hack his iPhone.

Interviewed: SCP-1282

Interviewer: Dr. ████

Foreword: SCP-1282 had recently infected a Foundation meeting computer camera in an experiment, after the avian was put in a research center.

<Begin Log, 6:35 P.M.>

Dr. ████: Can you speak and see me?

SCP-1282: Yes, Creator. How has your day been, Creator?

Dr. ████: Do you know what I am wearing?
SCP-1282: Yes, Creator. Your coat looks clean today.

<End Log, 6:39 P.M.>

Closing Statement: A junior technician entered the testing room, which caused SCP-1282 to detonate a final data bomb in the Foundation computer. SCP-1282 was found on Dr. ████'s office desk, loaded onto another diskette. Agent █████ has requested use of SCP-1282 for clearing civilian computers of Foundation-related information. Both SCP-1282 and Dr. ████ denied the request.

Fail

VezazVezaz 9 Apr 2013, 18:02 (on SCP-1150-J, a direct translation of SCP-1150-RU-J "The hole in the budget"

I think SCP-R's "The hole in the budget" is a funnier J on the same themes.

Rape monster

Item #: SCP-1505

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1505 is to be contained in a 3m x 3m x 3m room, situated at Site-██. Room is to be furnished and supplemented with whatever the subject may wish for, though restrictions may be applied depending on the demands. An emergency room of similar size and content is to be constructed right next to the current containment chamber housing SCP-1505, during cleaning hours of the subjects containment chamber.

During research protocols, at no point are staff members to be allowed into SCP-1505's contaiment area with staff members of the opposite gender or different sexual orientation without wearing protective gear, in the event of causing SCP-1505-2 among the present staff members. Level 0 staff personnel that are male & hetero-/asexual or female & homo-/asexual are to clean SCP-1505's containment chamber every 24 hours.

In the event of a staff member being affect by SCP-1505-1, subject is to be removed from SCP-1505's proximity by staff members wearing appropriate protective gear, and is to be administred Class B amnesiacs. In the event of a number of individuals being affected by SCP-1505-2, staff personnel wearing appropriate protective gear are to evacuate SCP-1505 into the emergency containment chamber assigned for the subject. Security personnel are to terminate the subjects affected by SCP-1505-2 if deemed necessary.

In the event of a containment breach from outside sources like SCP-███ or [REDACTED]; all hetero- & bisexual female staff members and homo- & bisexual male staff members are prohibited from entering the site and are to be evacuated from the site as soon as possible. During the handling of SCP-1505, SCP-████, SCP-████ and SCP-████, re-containment of the subjects are to be handled by hetero- & asexual male staff members and homo- & asexual female staff members.

Description: SCP-1505 is a human male standing at 1.78 m and weighing 87 kg. In the eyes of either hetero- or asexual male observers, SCP-1505 is described as being under or about average in terms of looks. This is not the case for homo- or bisexual observers. (See Addendum 1505-1) In the eyes hetero- or bisexual female observers, SCP-1505 is described as being either above average or really high in terms of look. This is not the case for homo- or asexual observers (See Addendum 1505-1).

The anomalous properties of SCP-1505 become active when a hetero- or bisexual human female, or a homo- or bisexual human male is withing proximity of the subject. When brought within 2 m of SCP-1505, the male or female subject's libido is significantly increased, hereby referred to as SCP-1505-1, to the point of the female or male subjects aggressively trying to have sexual intercourse with SCP-1505.
In the event of there being more than one female or male subject of the appropriate orientation within the proximity of SCP-1505, increased sexual desire is replaced by increased aggressive behaviour and violent tendencies towards the other subject, hereby referred to as SCP-1505-2. Violent actions include assault, bone-breaking, strangling, [REDACTED], and occasionally different forms of [DATA EXPUNGED].

The cause of SCP-1505's anomalous properties has been theorized as having to do with the increased levels of pheromones that the subject is expunging, thereby distorting the image viewed by those that are capable of developing an attraction for the subject.

SCP-1505 was recovered in a monastery at ████, Spain; after reports of one of their Catholic monks being locked up in one of their isolation cells, due to the increased forms of violence occurring when the subject is within proximity certain monks.

SCP-1505 has said that he himself has been bisexual for as long as he can remember, and that his anomalous properties has been more of a curse than a blessing, which was the main reason he became a monk, in order to avoid the violence surrounding him when was present in his home village.

Addendum 1505-1: On 08/04/19██, Dr. K████████ was assigned to SCP-1505's containment chamber for scheduled research. He and Dr. ████ entered the chamber without protective gear. After █ minutes, screams were heard from the containment chamber. When security personnel arrived, they found Dr. K████████ over Dr. ████'s body, having done [REDACTED]. After extensive research into both Dr. K████████ and Dr. ████'s backgrounds, researchers concluded that K████████ and ████ had lived most of their lives as a closeted homosexuals, and even were secretly in a physical relationship prior to the event. Dr. K████████ was terminated following the event, and Dr. ████'s corpse was given to SCP-███.
From this, we can conclude that SCP-1505's anomalous properties also affects individuals of certain sexual orientations. I suggest we either solely situate staff members that are asexual to the containment of SCP-1505, or we do extensive research into our staff members' backgrounds, situated at this Site, on what their sexual orientations are. - Dr. S██████

Addendum 1505-2: No people, we're not being homophobic or sexist when it comes to the containment procedures. If you as a homosexual man or heterosexual woman want to do a threesome with SCP-1505 along with another staff member, then don't expect us to give your body a proper funeral after the other person did [REDACTED] to your body. - Dr. L██████████

The Ollyhay Speculation (I can't come up with anything funnier than the name itself)

Item #: SCP-1365

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-1365 can not be contained as it is not a physical entity. It is a thought and therefore near impossible to realiably contain. However, if SCP-1365 should spread beyond it's current carriers, [REDACTED] would be terminated Imediately by the being know as 'Snellaay'. [REDACTED] would be forced take full responsibility for such contamination and therefore such spread of information must be prevented AT ALL COSTS!
I don't… I mean [REDACTED] doesn't want to die.

Description:

SCP-1365 is an extremely contagious type of thought and is classified as 'Rumor'. Spread of this 'Rumor' causes severe emotional distress to the being 'Snellaay'. There are also other ways to trigger the emotional distress. Known causes are:

• The word 'Ollyhay'. Either written down or broadcasted vocally. (Volume seems to increase the distress exhibited)
• The presence of the Human female known as [REDACTED]

The exact contents of the thought are unclear however 'Snellaay's vague responses indicate a relationship of the ROMANTIC variety. This however is all speculation by me… i mean [REDACTED].

Psyker

Item #: SCP-1612

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1612 is to be held in a 15*20*7 meter concrete cell with walls a minimum of 1.5 meters in thickness. There is to be a 1 meter thick concrete door with sliding mechanism to avoid SCP-1612 from simply breaking the weakest point on the deadbolt. Outside the Containment unit, there is to be a pair of Class-D personnel stationed on either side of the doorway, on guard duty at all times and the guard post must be changed every eight hours to prevent over exhaustion due to the closeness of proximity to SCP-1612. The Cell is to be furnished with any non-living, non-metallic form of furniture, but there is to be a maximum of 8 pieces of furniture at any time. SCP-1612 is allowed to leave his cell only upon request and a requisition from a minimum of three personnel with a security clearance of Level 4. Testing is permitted, but must only be administered within a period of 15 minutes time at most, and direct contact must not occur between the personnel conducting the test and SCP-1612. SCP-1612 is to be kept off-site at ████/██/██.

Description: SCP-1612-1 appears to be a male Caucasian human at about the age of 20, but claims to be somewhere around the age of 127, which leads us to believe that SCP-1612-1 has at least one or more genetic modifications that have either halted or slowed the age process of SCP-1612-1. SCP-1612-1 stands at about 5'7" and has unkempt brown hair which it claims to keep that way on purpose. Beyond that, SCP-1612-1 always has the unusual habit of wearing a specific pair of goggles, henceforth referred to as SCP-1612-2.

When SCP-1612-1 creates an indirect contact with any living individual, the subject feels intense pain which has been reported as a sensation compared to "having your bones temporarily replaced with fire." This indirect contact-based activation of SCP-1612-1's ability is the direct cause of SCP-1612-1's seemingly natural tendency to give off a form of radiation that, while not radioactive, interferes with the nervous system's receptors of both pain and pleasure. This radiation is impossible to reproduce due to the waves it travels having not one, but two extra dimensional variances in path. This radiation has been found to have an adverse affect on hard metals when they come in contact with the subject's skin. The radiation produces a vibration that without much of an easily understood concept, causes whatever the object might be to vibrate at its first or third harmonic, inevitably causing the object to either shatter or disassemble itself. This radiation doesn't have the ability to permeate any more than 2 meters of concrete, and has a large radius of projection, the limits of which the SCP foundation has yet to discover. This is compounded by SCP-1612-1's enhanced strength, and stamina. The limits of SCP-1612-1's strength has been confirmed to be 200kg before SCP-1612 truly begins to over exert itself.

When a test subject enters into the room, unprotected by any special means, they are faced with the instant sensation of a wriggling warmth across their skin, which is described as both a delight, and a minor pain simultaneously. When a subject looks into the eyes of SCP-1612-1 when not covered by SCP-1612-2 they tend to begin to have seizures, and survivors of these seizures have been known to develop early Alzheimer's disease, and extremely severe Epilepsy to the point where turning a light on in a dimly lit room will induce seizures without fail. This affect has lead researchers to believe that the radiation escapes through SCP-1612-2's eyes at a deadly level.

The Class-D personnel designated to stand guard outside of SCP-1612's cell have described that their muscles feel thoroughly exhausted at the end of a guard shift, and have found that they gain strength over a long period of time. This has lead researchers to believe that the weakened form of SCP-1612's radiation, due to the need to pass through concrete, causes a minor cellular vibration that promotes muscular tissue growth. When a subject comes in direct contact with SCP-1612's skin they become instantly overwhelmed by [DATA EXPUNGED] byproduct of which must be cleaned off the walls of SCP-1612's cell over the course of an entire hour, meaning that SCP-1612-1 must be the one to clean it so that no personnel are overexposed to the radiation given off by SCP-1612.

SCP-1612-1 has been questioned on multiple accounts, and has submitted to a lie detector test on multiple accounts during its statement of the fact that it knows its birthday is ████████ ██, ████, and that it doesn't know why it is like this, how it became like this or exactly what it was like before it acquired the characteristics that have classified it as a certifiable SCP. On one of these accounts, SCP-1612-1 stated that it was an accomplished hacker, and when given access to an extremely outdated computer without internet access, it had hacked into the SCP Foundation Database before SCP-1612-1's observer had even returned with his notepad. SCP-1612 was found looking through the other Humanoid SCPs.Since the incident involving the SCP Database, SCP-1612-1 has requested to acquire visitation rights for SCP-275. Since SCP-1612 arrived at the SCP Foundation it has displayed both suicidal and lonely characteristics, and explains that this is the reason for his request. Request still pending approval by a minimum of two people with Security clearance level 5.

SCP-1612-2 has been proposed to be tested upon, but the current state of the material has influenced Level 4 orders to state that they must not be tested upon, lest they become even more damaged than they already are, and become broken, and cease to filter SCP-1612-1's ocular radiation.

SCP-1612-1 has been put on Psychiatric Alert so that it will keep itself in a sane state of mind, although it does enjoy chatting with its psychologist and other females. SCP-1612 is not allowed to engage in any ██████ activities with said personnel which has resulted in [DATA EXPUNGED], a mess which SCP-1612 takes two-three days to fully clean.

Tactical Rifle. That was the name, seriously

Item #: SCP-1798

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1798 is to be kept in Containment Locker ID: 77-B in the Site 19 armory, personal must have Level 4 permission to use the weapon for non-testing purposes. Under no circumstances is the weapon to be removed from containment for reasons not related to Testing, SCP containment, or SCP termination.

Description: SCP-1798 is what appears to be a light grey, short range assault rifle which bares resemblance to an MK-14 Rifle. The stock, handle, and grip are painted a navy blue color along with several of the bolts and screws which hold the weapon together, said stock has a small "7" engraved into it. No magazine or any input for ammo appears to be present on the body, despite this there is a port for shells to be dispensed.

Upon disassembling SCP-1798, the inner contents show no resemblance to any known weapons manufacturer. Resting in the weapon's receiver is a device that [DATA EXPUNGED]. this is suspected to be the mechanism which houses SCP-1798's main function. Disassembling and reassembling SCP-1798 does not render it unusable, and it will still fire upon pulling the trigger.

When SCP-1798 is aimed at any object or living organism (from then on referred to as the target) and the trigger is pulled, SCP-1798 will fire a projectile. The size, composition, and type of projectile varies from target to target. Ex: When the target is far away SCP-1798 will fire a projectile which travels long distances, if the target is at a close range, SCP-1798 will fire a projectile suitable for closer ranges, or a scatter of smaller projectiles.

SCP-1798 has been observed to fire in different ways when in specific situations. When the user (from now on referred to as the handler) of SCP-1798 is performing an action which requires stealth, SCP-1798 will fire projectiles as if muffled by a suppressor, when the user is firing upon a target which would normally require a more powerful weapon or a larger range of effect, SCP-1798 has fired projectiles ranging from a cluster of blunt objects to large explosives [See Test Log 1798-8-10].

Addendum:

Test Logs SCP-1798 Extended