Item #: SCP-XXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid (See: Addendum Y)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX is to be kept in a standard security locker, the key to which is to be kept in the possession of the researcher in charge of SCP-XXX (currently Dr. ████) . SCP-XXX can be signed out at any time by any member of staff with a security clearance of 2 or higher. SCP-XXX is not to be removed from Site-██ and is to be returned to the security locker within 24 hours of initial sign out. All removals of SCP-XXX from it's locker must be noted in the provided logbook.
SCP-XXX is to be kept within a locker placed in the centre of a 2x2x2m room. SCP-XXX is not to be removed by any member of staff without approval from Dr. ████████. Twice a week (Wednesday and Saturday, 7pm) the currently assigned “holder” (drawn from the on-site pool of D-Class personnel who meet the criteria outlined in addendum X) will remove SCP-XXX from it's containment and take it to room ██ and carry out Procedure: Stand-up to a crowd of no less than 10 other D-Class personnel.
In the event of an occurrence of SCP-XXX-02, the area (10 square meters) around SCP-XXX is to be evacuated. One D-Class operative will be sent towards SCP-XXX every hour until it is determined that SCP-XXX-02 has ended. SCP-XXX will then be returned to it's assigned containment area and containment procedures will continue as usual.
Note: Anyone caught up in the area of effect of SCP-XXX-02 is to be abandoned. It's not a nice thought people, I know that, but they can't be saved. You'll just endanger yourself by trying. - Dr. ████████.
Description: SCP-XXX is a small (diameter: 5cm) purple ball with the words “A Laugh Riot!” (sic) stencilled onto it in golden ink. SCP-XXX has been converted into a keyring via a hook being screwed into the ball; the hook is not a part of the original item.
SCP-XXX has the effect (SCP-XXX-01) of making any “jokes” (see: Addendum X) told by the person who is currently in possession of SCP-XXX (either by holding it or otherwise having it on their person, hereafter referred to as “holder”) produce enthusiastic laughter from anyone who hears the “joke”. This effect is observed regardless of the quality of the “joke”, even if the “joke” bears no resemblance to humour at all. For example, the line “remote controls require triple-A batteries” provokes laughter from anyone who hears it, if the person saying the line is holding SCP-XXX.
SCP-XXX-02 occurs when SCP-XXX has not been “supplied” with laughter for 5 days (exactly 120 hours). Anyone entering, or currently within, the range (10 square meters) of SCP-XXX during this effect will collapse with uncontrollable laughter. Affected individuals will be unable to move as the spasms caused by the laughter render coordinated movement impossible, and appear to be in a state of extreme distress despite the laughter. Affected individuals will remain in this state until they fall unconscious, at which point they will continue to laugh until they expire. Autopsies of such individuals reveal a wide range of causes of death, but all have in common a form of extreme stress such as ruptured lungs or aneurysms.
The duration of SCP-XXX-02 is variable, but is never shorter than the lifespans of all individuals caught in it's range. SCP-XXX-02 will not end until all affected individuals have expired, but may still be active. The most reliable indicator of length is the amount of time SCP-XXX has gone without being “fed” laughter; the longer the period, the longer the duration of SCP-XXX-02, although these times are still variable.
“Jokes” are defined as anything that meets the following criteria:
1) The “holder” is attempting to make others laugh and,
2) The listeners are expecting to be entertained in some way
Thus an individual in possession of SCP-XXX and giving an economics lecture will not provoke laughter from the crowd. However, the same person giving the same lecture after being told to “make the crowd laugh”, to the same audience who have been told they are attending a stand-up comedy routine, will provoke intense laughter from the crowd.
“Holders” should be recruited from on-site D-Class personnel who show an interest in, or aptitude towards, comedy. SCP-XXX is perfectly capable of “feeding” on natural laughter and appears to prefer it to the laughter it itself generates in audiences.
SCP-XXX was previous used freely by staff members on Site-██ to hold impromptu comedy routines in the staff canteen. Then current head of SCP-XXX research,Dr. ████, allowed this behaviour to continue, citing the apparent harmlessness of SCP-XXX and the boost in morale the site received. After SCP-███ was transferred to Site-██, the resultant increase in work led to SCP-XXX going unused for 5 days, at which point SCP-XXX-02 manifested and affected technician ████ ██████ who promptly collapsed. Security guard ███ ███████ moved to assist her and was also caught in the effect. Dr. ████ cleared the area and began sending in D-Class personnel at regular intervals until the effect ceased, at which point SCP-XXX was re-contained and containment procedures revised. Former head of SCP-XXX, Dr. ████ has since been demoted and transferred to another site for his lax behaviour regarding an SCP item. SCPs are not toys, even if they appear to be. We can all learn from this lesson. - Dr. ████████