deep down, every member of humankind is an egomaniacal dick. I have a theory that the entire purpose of the tumultuous teenage years is so you can learn that you're supposed to keep this a secret. ~cracklobster
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is stored in a safe items containment locker in site 33. As a precaution to avoid confusion, waffles will not be served in the site cafeteria. No further containment procedures are deemed necessary at this time.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a resealable cardboard box of NEGGO (sic) brand frozen waffles. On one side panel is a series of "fun facts" reading:
- Waffles were originally invented in the early Medieval period!
- The first written instance of the word "waffle" was in a cookbook from 1725!
- You will never be satisfied.
- The recipe for waffles may be descended from the recipe for communion wafers!
- Detailed depictions of waffles appear in the paintings of 16th century artist Pieter Brugel!
- It's never enough for you, is it?
- Belgian waffles were actually invented in America! They're named for the Bel-Gen company, and were popularized in the 1964 World's fair!
- You sickening fuck.
- Waffles are the most popular frozen breakfast food in the world!
On the other is a colorful banner advertising a prize at the bottom of the box. The front and back bear the NEGGO logo; a waffle with a photo-realistic Syncro-Vox smiling human face, and the brand name in a large font.
When the box is opened, a memetic effect takes hold on anyone within line-of-sight of SCP-XXXX. Affected persons will feel disinclined to prepare any food other than frozen waffles; this disinclination is generally expressed as laziness or general disinterest. Persons not in line-of-sight of the box when it is opened will not be affected, even if they are in its immediate vicinity.
When a waffle is removed from SCP-XXXX, the remaining waffles will shift in the box, filling the space; however, the number of waffles in the box will never actually decrease. SCP-XXXX is always one waffle short of full. An unidentified object in a black plastic envelope is visible through the gaps between waffles as they shift. Efforts to retrieve this object, assumed to be the prize promised by the box panel, have been unsuccessful.
If not stopped, persons under the memetic effect of SCP-XXXX will often continue preparing and consuming waffles until they expire from nutritional starvation. During the period of consumption, they will SOMETHING SOMETHING HORRIBLE EFFECTS OF MALNUTRITION AND ONLY EATING SYRUPY WAFFLES UNTIL YOU DIE SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE